


Thin Line

by topetine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DBBB 2015, Daddy Issues, DeanBenny Big Bang 2015, Family Dynamics, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Sex, M/M, Mentions of Pregnancy, Mourning/grief, Multi, Promiscuity, Sex as Coping Mechanism, Winchester typical coping mechanisms, fear of intimacy, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 05:37:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 58,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4167930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topetine/pseuds/topetine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Sam and Jess’ upcoming wedding, Dean finds himself tasked with the planning. On a trip to audition caterers, he meets Benny, who is the hands down choice for the job. Dean’s carefree attitude about no strings attached relationships goes slightly awry after he and Benny hook up and his love ‘em, and leave ‘em motto loses the most important part--the leaving.<br/>Over a course of a few months, Dean deals with his conflicting feelings towards romance and his feelings for Benny, all while juggling a tumultuous relationship with John and his second family (Kate & Adam), and his self-doubt and lack of direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Title Page

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. I have finished this beast. 
> 
> 1\. Thank you oh so much to everyone who has encouraged me along the way, every like, reblog, etc. You all gave me the confidence to write this, and more importantly finish and post it.  
> 2\. The biggest thanks ever to dennyismydestiel(tumblr)/anarchycox(A03) for being the best beta ever. She is epic and deserves all the love in the world (and you all must read her big bang too, because it's PHENOM!). Not only did she point out my brain malfunctions (for serious, I had a brain fart about time-zones), chapter 31 would suck without her because she was able to help me re-work the entire scene and make it less like plain mashed potatoes. :)  
> 3\. Thank you to Mostly10 for the fabulous art. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
'Cause I want whiskey when I'm sick  
And a man when I'm well  
But it's nice to have them both sometimes  
When I feel like raising hell  
  
So don't try and save me  
I'll be just fine  
Oh, I'm getting used to walking on a thin line

\- honeyhoney "thin line"

 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1. 

 

Sam was getting married. _Married_. Tying the knot, jumping the broom, buying the cow--scratch that last one, Jess would kill him if he ever even thought that. It wasn't that he didn't like Jess, hell, Dean thought she was freaking awesome, but Sammy was his little brother. It was hard enough believing he was some hot shot lawyer now, not the gangly dweeb he'd watched grow up.

 It wasn't that Dean resented him either, even if life hadn't exactly gone his way, feeling like everything since he'd been born had been all severely downhill.

At least Sam was happy with his current situation, being between steady jobs, appointing him best man and impromptu assistant wedding planner. And Dean was happy to help in an effort to continue to repair their tenuous relationship.

 

 They'd chosen a venue outside Portland (where Sam had proposed on their third anniversary), some chic, rustic ski lodge for a winter wedding. Or more specifically, Dean scouted around Portland and reported back that this one 'was alright' which was apparently a glowing recommendation from him.

 

  Dean's tired and cranky from the ten hour and change drive from Palo Alto to Portland, stuck with Sam going on about color palettes, place settings, calligraphy, and other mind numbing wedding things. They'd stopped at a motel halfway through for some rest, but Dean was convinced Sam kept rambling about seating charts in his sleep. This wasn't even an official wedding related event; it was some top secret pre-audition of caterers that Sam decided they needed to do.

Sam spent their final hour blabbering about how he wanted to do something different for the food, not the typical lump of overcooked chicken Marsala, or bloody prime rib under the sickly heat lamps, waxing poetic about how they'd gone to a Cajun restaurant on some important milestone date (probably the anniversary of the first time they held hands, the date probably circled in sparkly hearts in Sam's Filofax, Dean guessed).

Honestly, Dean didn't care what they ate as long as they ate soon. Breakfast had happened far too long ago and Sam had scoffed at lunch, like he had doubts that Dean would be unable to stomach a sampling of finger foods after a burger and fries. Seriously, sometimes it was like Sam didn't know him at all...

Needless to say, Dean was approaching full on 'hangry' by the time they navigated through Portland and found a parking spot not six miles away from the small restaurant around 3:45 in the afternoon.  

 Dean's ready to resort to cannibalism when he spots the _Closed_ sign on the door and stamps out his cigarette under his boot as Sam rolls his eyes.

"Relax." He points to the small sign by the door handle that reads ' _ring bell for after hour’s appointments'_ and hits the buzzer.

Dean crosses his arms in retort, doing his best to not inhale the glorious bombardment of scents from all the nearby restaurants.

"Hey there, how can I help you?" A pretty brunette says, opening the door halfway with a smirk.

"Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, this is Dean, we have a four o'clock appointment for the catering sampling." Sam announces as he reaches out a hand.  

"Thought so." She winks and shakes his outstretched hand firmly, looking them both over approvingly "I'm Pam, come on in." She ushers them inside of the small restaurant and locks the door behind them. "Welcome to _Adelaide_ , we're gonna set you up over here..." She leads them to two small tables shoved together and covered with an emerald green tablecloth. "Well first off, congratulations." She says as they sit side by side and she leans on the back of the empty chair in front of her.

"Huh? Oh, no, uh, this is my brother. We're scouting at the moment, my fiancée had a school field trip this weekend." Sam explains as Pam grins at Dean.

"Well, that's cool too." She grabs two printed sheets and some pens and comes back, setting the pages between them.

"So who's Jessie?" Dean asks, having caught a glimpse of her tattoo peeking out above the belt of her slacks.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She winks and fills their water glasses with a pitcher set at the far edge of the table. "So, are you all hungry?"

"I'm starving." Dean groans as she laughs. "Someone wouldn't let us have lunch."

"Stop whining." Sam sighs as he gets out his honest to god journal and starts taking notes.

"Alright, I'll grab Benny and he'll get you all started. Don't worry, he won't let you leave hungry." Pam tells Dean, patting his shoulder before she heads into the kitchen.

"Oh my god, what could you possibly be writing down." Dean snaps as Sam swats him away when he tries to grab the book.

"I just wrote down her name, chill out."

"You're turning into bridezilla you know that, right?" Dean says, sipping on his water as he looks away towards the kitchen. Whatever comeback Sam had drowns out into white noise as Dean spies who he _hopes_ is Benny talking with Pam in the doorway. He's decently tall, and built solid, like a freaking linebacker, with a short cropped beard. He pushes his shirtsleeves down over thick forearms covered in colorful tattoos as Pam playfully reaches out to smooth his short rusty brown hair. _Please don't be Jessie_ , Dean thinks to himself as she catches him by the apron strings and tugs the knot loose. He carefully removes the apron that matches their tablecloth and hands it to Pam before heading to their table.

"Afternoon, I'm Benny, owner and head chef here. I'd like to thank y'all for coming by to see what _Adelaide_ has to offer, I'm sure you'll, uh, love everything." Benny stumbles a little when his gaze settles on Dean, who shifts in his seat, admiring him closer up.

"Thanks, we read a lot of really great reviews, and we're really excited to try it." Sam answers as Benny smiles tightly and leans on the extra chair.

"Only the best for your big day, congratulations."

"We're not." Dean shakes his head quickly and points at Sam. "No, uh, I'm the stand in. We're brothers.  I'm starting to suspect his fiancée's patience with his OCD wedding planner side is starting to wear thin."

Benny laughs and ducks his head, looking to Sam. "Shoot, sorry for assuming, the info said Sam and Jess... Wouldn't be the first gay wedding we catered."

"Don't worry about it." Sam laughs as Benny's gaze slides back to Dean, who looks to make sure Sam is engrossed in the menu before smiling back.

Benny clears his throat and forces himself to focus on the menu. "So, ah, I'm gonna go ahead and bring out the first round and we can discuss."

Dean takes a gulp of his water and starts when Sam nudges him with his elbow, distracted by watching Benny retreat to the kitchen. "What?"

Sam huffs and rolls his eyes. "Never mind." He goes back to writing down each of the starters with space left for commentary.

 

Benny returns with a large tray balanced easily on his forearm and begins to set down small saucers with a few bites on each plate.

Benny laughs and slides out the chair and snags one of the menus. "I'm gonna guess you wanna go in order." He looks to Sam who nods, holding his fork in one hand and pen in the other. "This is two slices of our house made _boudin,_ with a slice of roasted sweet onion between them. We can alter the spice if needed." He adds, though doesn't look entirely thrilled with the idea and Dean smirks and pops the sausage in his mouth in one bite.

"Holy shit." He says around the mouthful as Sam honest to god inspects its composition or something.

Benny looks alarmed for a second before Dean groans happily. "That's freaking awesome." He says, snagging another as Benny clears his throat, shifting anxiously, and laughs.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it." He says as Sam finally takes a bite and nods enthusiastically.

"Wow, that is good!" He comments after he's swallowed, writing quickly, while Dean steals the last sausage laden toothpick. 

"We also do _boudin_ balls, basically, the meat and rice without the casing, that's battered and fried, but honestly, I think this is a better choice. It's much lighter and lets the _boudin_ stand apart." 

"What kind of meat?"

"Pork."

"And where does it come from?" Sam asks as Dean lolls his head back and mouths _seriously?!_ at Benny who hides a smirk behind his hand.

"All of our meat is locally sourced, organic, free range." He explains calmly as Dean sits up straighter and leans forward with mock concern.

"But what about _our_ pig? What's its name? Was it a _happy_ pig?"

"Probably up until he reached the slaughterhouse." Benny replies, a twinkle in his eye.

"Dean." Sam sighs as Dean continues.

"What, Sammy? Those were serious questions. I mean, I'm sure there's evidence that happy meat tastes better. Can we go check out the farm to see what it's life was like?"

" _Dean_ , can you act like an adult for like an hour please?"

"Sammy, can you lighten up? It's a food tasting not a top secret mission to save the world."

Sam rolls his eyes and looks down at the list.

Benny takes the reins and moves them on to the next item. "Here we have shrimp stuffed with spicy crab, wrapped in bacon. We're big on simplicity and easy eating."

Benny goes through the entire appetizer array effortlessly, doing rather well at ignoring Dean's increasingly pornographic moans of bliss and the brother’s constant bickering.

He leaves for a few moments to clear their plates and Pam stops by with two shot glasses on delicate white saucers and places them down.

"What's that?" Dean asks, picking it up and inspecting the neat sphere of something yellowish with greenish flecks.

"Lemon basil sorbet, it's a palate cleanser."

"A what?" Dean frowns and Sam laughs.

"It's like an Italian ice that clears all the other tastes out of your mouth."

"It's a fancy thing." Pam waves her hand. "Don't stress, Benny's just trying to impress you." She winks and collects their dishes after they both slurp back their sorbet.

Benny glares at Pam when they pass and he sets down two plates of perfectly slow roasted sliced brisket with sweet potato gratin and collard greens. 

By the time they finish, Dean's quietly happy that they skipped lunch, though that doesn't stop him from finishing off Sam's plate of seafood creole Alfredo.

"Y'all done good, I can't remember the last time I had empty plates."

Dean grins and waves his fork at Benny. "I could do this all day."

Benny falters for a second before directing his attention back to Sam. "So, are there any questions I can answer for you? I'm not gonna pressure you right now for an answer, I know you're not gonna go all in with the first caterer you meet."

"Got my vote." Dean shrugs as Sam folds his napkin neatly on the table.

"Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. The food was spectacular. We have two more appointments tomorrow, I'll let you know as soon as possible."

"No worries. Take your time, it's a big decision." Benny tells them, getting up and extending a hand to each of them. "Whenever you're ready, go on and see Pam to settle up. Congratulations again."

"Thanks." Sam says, closing up his planner and stuffing it into his messenger bag. Sam heads up to the hostess station and Benny eyes Dean.

"You're gonna be trouble." He smirks as Dean squeezes his hand before letting go.

"Only if you're lucky."

Benny laughs and mutters a curse under his breath.

"Dean!" Sam calls and Dean waves his hand.

"Yeah, coming." Dean grins and shoves his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "See you around."

"Lookin' forward to it."

 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

 

Dean's not even half listening to Sam listing off pros and cons about _Adelaide,_ too focused on strong, calloused hands and sparkling blue eyes.

"Oh my god, can you like call Jess and whine about this? I'm kind of tired." He huffs finally, really wishing they'd gone for separate rooms.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sam asks, full of exasperation as Dean plugs in his phone. "You've been acting like a baby ever since we started planning the wedding."

Dean sighs and shakes his head. " _Have not_.  Look, _really_ , I'm tired, okay? I had a good time today, I'm totally looking forward to more food tomorrow, but right now I'm fat, tired and happy and I just want to go to sleep." He smiles and smashes his pillow into shape.

"Okay." Sam relents after a moment and packs up his binders, planners, and wedding magazines. "Night, Dean. I'm gonna go outside and call Jess to say goodnight."

"Yeah, okay."

 

 

They start the next day early, skipping breakfast and checking out a few florists before heading to a local park.

"A taco truck?" Dean says with disdain as they approach.

"Yeah, they're popular now." Sam explains as he introduces himself to the woman in the truck and takes a flyer and orders up a slew of tacos to try all of their fillings. "This was voted the best in Portland." He adds as they wait, Dean wishing there was some more shade to shield the summer sun.

"Smells good." Dean admits as he scans the menu Sam hands him.

Within fifteen minutes they've got a dozen or so tacos in Styrofoam containers and head to one of the picnic benches set up in the center of the pod.

Dean digs in eagerly and devours a marinated pork taco in two bites.

"So?"

" _So_? You're putting together this Disney princess wedding and you're considering a taco truck?"

"Well, they're trendy. And it might bring it down a notch you know?"

"No, I don't know. What I do know is I have been trapped in your general vicinity post Mexican food before and it hasn't been pleasant. You think that's gonna be the way to kick off your honeymoon? And two, if you're planning a fancy wedding, go for it man. Don't go with a taco truck. Seriously." Dean says through a mouthful of mystery meat. He frowns and inspects his remaining quarter taco and pulls out a piece of white, spongey stuff. "What the hell is this?"

"Tofu." Sam says as Dean makes a face and drops the taco, taking a swig of his coke.

"Ew, who the hell makes a tofu taco! I've been...violated." He frowns sadly and pokes at another taco, trying to identify its contents.

"I'm pretty sure vegetarians are on board with tofu tacos, just saying."

"Blasphemy." Dean grumbles as he bites into what looks like ground beef.

"Sure, and that's why you ate most of it before spitting it out."

"Shut up. Oh, and another thing! You're having a wedding in March, genius. You really think everyone's gonna wanna be waiting outside in line at a food truck for a burrito, even if it's a damn good burrito?"

"Point taken." Sam admits after a moment and scratches taco truck off his list.

They have another tasting with an Italian place and an Asian fusion place that afternoon and by the time they make it back to the motel, Dean's ready to admit defeat and puke.

He groans pitifully and grimaces through the chalky taste of tums and lies back, the button on his jeans already popped. "I think Jess made up the field trip, and I don't blame her. You'd probably need to alter the dress. I think I gained fifteen pounds in the last four hours."

Sam groans in agreement, holding out his hand for the bottle of tums they'd been passing back and forth.

"So..." Dean sighs and looks over with a grin. "Not that I ever want to eat again, but I'm thinking _Adelaide_ won."  

 

 

They head back to Palo Alto the next day, and arrive home in time to debrief Jess over a light dinner.

"So, Cajun?" She says, a hint of skepticism in her voice as Sam gets that look of quiet panic, thinking he's been headed in the wrong direction.

"Yeah, seriously Jess, the food was amazing. Simple, yet, I don't know, elegant I guess. And it's different. Plus, winter wedding, spicy food? Great combo!" Dean says enthusiastically. "Plus, didn't you two have like your first date at a Cajun place?"

Jess smiles slowly and slips her hand into Sam's. "Yeah, that's right. That's where we ate the time you got the balls to kiss me goodnight."

"Oh, was it? Really? What a coincidence." Sam says, trying to play it cool as she laughs softly and leans in to kiss him.

Dean idly reads the back of the Parmesan cheese bottle and waits for them to remember he's sitting right here thank you very much.

"So, I'd like to try it. You have that trial prep with Andrew this weekend, don't you though?" Jess frowns and looks at the calendar. "Then I have Margo's baby shower the week after."

"Hey, why don't you and I head over for a long weekend, Jess?" Dean suggests as Sam squints at him. "What?"

"You're suddenly helpful."

"Excuse me, I've been _very_ helpful. He almost went with a taco truck, Jess. A _taco truck_. Besides, the food was awesome and we should book them ASAP."

"Are you sure?" Jess asks as he shrugs innocently.

"What, it's not like I have anything else to do."


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

 

Dean calls the number on the paperwork for _Adelaide_ midmorning on Tuesday to make a reservation for a late lunch on Friday. He speaks to Pam and casually inquires if Benny will be there, just in case Jess has some questions about the food, you know. Pam laughs softly and Dean wonders if he wasn't as subtle as he thought he was. But, she confirms that Benny will be there until three and would be _more_ than happy to go over the menu with them. He reminds himself to give Pam an extra nice tip when they're done. He accepts copies of Sam's notes with minimal teasing and red pens it with annotations reading ' _orgasmic', 'stupid good', 'very spicy, but good', 'could eat this forever'_ and so on and so forth.

It gets a giggle out of Jess when she reads over them in the car with the last bits of daylight.

 

They leave around 6 on Thursday and drive straight through, giving them enough time for a decent nap and time to freshen up. Dean's meticulous panning is paying off-- Jess' maid of honor Allison is meeting them to look at bridesmaid dresses after lunch, giving him the perfect opportunity to hang back and flirt with Benny.   

Jess gives him a look when they meet in the hallway, clearly refreshed. 

" _What_?" Dean asks as she smirks.

"Should I go back and change? I feel like I didn't put in nearly enough effort." She teases as Dean looks down at his nicer straight leg jeans, black tee, and green plaid flannel under his leather jacket.

" _What_? I have no idea what you're talking about. Besides have you seen some of the women around here? Seriously hot." He deflects as she laughs and he swats her away when she tries to muss his hair. "No, really, like all inked and pierced, this one chick had like this awesome nose ring and like purple and blue hair."

"Oh my god, Dean, it's not some weird sex zoo." Jess chuckles and drags him towards the elevator. "Man, sometimes you really are a small town Kansas boy."

He smiles innocently and keeps his mouth shut.

 

 

Pam greets them with a smile and leads them to a reserved table.

"Welcome, you must be the infamous Jess, I've heard all about you. So glad you could make it." Pam tells Jess who beams and shakes her hand.

"Me too, Sam and Dean wouldn't stop raving about this place."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water's fine, thank you."

"Uh, coke please." Dean answers distractedly as he looks around.

The restaurant is mostly full with a steady line for takeout orders and Dean silently worries that there were some major flaws in his plan.

"It'll clear out by the time you're done eating, don't worry." She winks at him and lets her hand slide along his arm as she passes after setting down menus.

 

Dean manages a slightly flustered laugh as Jess nudges him under the table.

"Alright, I get it now." She whispers with a grin as Dean shakes his head.

"Huh?"

"She's hot. Go for it."

"What? Oh, well, yeah she's hot." Dean says, fiddling with the menu. 

"Hm, better not though." Jess hums and Dean looks over at her with a frown.

"Why not?"

"No offense, you don't have the best track record when it comes to your love em and leave em philosophy. Last thing I need is for them to ban us because you broke someone's heart."

Dean sputters in protest. "What? Excuse me, I do not. Name one time an ex has not been singing my praises after."

She frowns and starts ticking them off on her fingers. "Lydia. Anna." He opens his mouth to stop her but she keeps going. "Layla. Carmen. Ann Marie."

"Alright." He says tersely before she can get to Cassie or Lisa. "Fine. No sleeping with Pam."

And okay, so it's not technically a lie. It wasn't like Benny was going to be anything more than a one night stand, hell, maybe some fun for when he was in town. It wasn't like he actually tried to date men anyway.

 

Pam brings them their drinks and opens up Dean's menu to point out certain dishes that are on the catering menu.

"What should I get?" Jess asks as Dean frowns and shrugs.

"The pasta was really good. I was probably gonna get the blackened blue burger. And an appetizer of the _boudin_."

"Surprising." She smirks and Pam laughs.

"Nothin wrong with burgers. That's one of my favorites too. The pasta is very popular, I highly recommend it."

"Let's go with that, I can't wait to try it. I think Sam had like three stars next to that one. You think we should go get the list to check?" She smirks and Dean rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to set that list on fire."  Dean groans as Pam takes their menus and heads to the kitchen.

Dean watches the doorway to the kitchen for a glimpse of Benny, his stomach flipping when he finally sees him, smiling and laughing with one of the servers, cheeks red from the heat of the kitchen.

 

Pam comes out with their plate of sliced _boudin_ a few minutes later, the rounds of sausage arranged in a circle around a mound of roasted onions, surrounded by overlapping pickle chips.

"Wow that looks great." Jess comments as Pam sets the plate down.

Dean spears a slice of sausage and a sliver of onion and takes an eager bite as Jess and Pam talk. He goes for another piece while he's still chewing and glances towards the kitchen to see Benny hovering in the doorway, wiping his hands on a dish towel. He smirks and nods at Benny, who smiles and nods back before ducking back into the kitchen.

"What?" Dean turns back to Jess who's elbowing him.

"I think this would be perfect for one of the appetizers. It's totally different and amazing."

"Yeah, exactly. Told you this was the place. Just wait for the main course."

 

Dean makes it through lunch, polishing off his burger happily and snagging a few forkfuls of Jess' linguine.

"Well, I'm sold." Jess sighs happily, trying to figure out if she can manage another few bites.

True to Pam's word, the restaurant is mostly empty, with only a few tables still dining or chatting.

 

Benny emerges from the kitchen still wearing his apron without Pam to intercept him, wearing a short sleeved shirt that shows off his tattoos and thick arms.

"Hi, you must be Jess, I'm Benny LaFitte, I'm the head chef here." He shakes her hand carefully and looks to Dean. "Good to see you again, Dean." He shakes Dean's hand more firmly with a small smile, showing the slightest bit of teeth.

"I talked them out of the taco truck as you can see."

Benny chuckles and shakes his head. "Can't say I have anything bad to say about any of the places you looked at, but, I know you won't be disappointed."

 

Benny sits and discusses particulars with Jess while doing his best to ignore Dean's subtle flirting. Jess steps out for a moment to call Sam and Dean smiles at Benny across the table.

"So, how've you been?"

"Can't complain. And what about you? You seem to be doing pretty well as a wedding planner."

"I'm a man of many talents." Dean grins slyly and straightens his leg out under the table, sliding his leg close to Benny's. "I'll admit that this trip may have had some ulterior motives."

Benny's tongue darts out to wet his lips as shifts in his chair, knocking Dean's knee into his thigh. "Really now?" He asks, voice pitched lower as Dean just smiles and looks to the door when the bells jingle.

"Okay, so, Sam said go for it! But, Ally just called me and said she's at the boutique. I thought we said three not two." Jess frowns, pocketing her cell phone. "What kind of time frame are we looking at? You know, I can call her and have her meet us here."

"Jess, don't worry about it. Go meet Allison and make an evening out of it. Go get dinner, hit a few bars, enjoy yourself. I'll get everything from Benny here, lock down the date and get all of the obnoxious information Sam will want."

"Are you sure?" Jess asks, looking between the two of them.

"Yeah, of course, Ally's just gonna get pissed off at me saying she's hot in every dress she tries on anyway." Dean smiles innocently as Benny shakes his head and laughs.

"I'm fine with it. We'll reserve the date and get some particulars. We can get together tomorrow if you'd like for the rest."

"Really? Okay, great." Jess smiles and hugs Dean. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Promise. I was going to go out tonight anyhow."

"Okay, I'll call you later. Thanks, Dean."

"Don't mention it." He grins and Jess thanks Benny for his time before she leaves.

 

Benny laughs softly and smirks. "Funny how that worked out, isn't it?"

"I know right?" Dean sits back smiling, pleased with himself.

"Trouble." Benny mutters under his breath, pushing his chair back. "I need to get the books..." He says, excusing himself and hurrying into the back.

Dean wonders if he's been barking up the wrong tree for a minute until he catches Pam shooting him a subtle thumbs up. He laughs and sips at his coke until Benny returns, cradling a mug of coffee and a few books.

Dean smirks when he sets the mug down and reads the pink and black lettering. "Queen Bitch, huh?"

Benny blinks and turns the mug before rolling his eyes and glaring at Pam. "One day I'm going to fire you." He threatens her from across the room as she waves.

"My mistake, I forgot; his mug is Boss Bitch." Pam says as she laughs from behind the counter.

"You know I'm trying to run a business here." He comments as she shrugs.

"Sure, sure, go on with that." She shoots them another thumbs up and ducks into the kitchen since the dining room is since clear and the sign flipped to closed.

Benny clears his throat and sips at his coffee, shaking his head. "So, are we actually discussing business here or should I even bother?"

"No, business first."

Benny opens the planner and confirms the date and blocks them off. He explains the pricing tiers to Dean and gives him a leaflet with information.

"The venue you're at has full kitchens and we'll be able to cook most everything on site. It's all in there."

"Cool. Is there a deposit?"

"Yeah, one third the total cost, refundable up to 30 days prior, next third 30 days to event, final third one week before the event. Typically, we take the initial deposit upon booking, but, we can discuss that with Jess tomorrow."

"Sounds good." Dean folds the papers and puts them in his jacket pocket. "So...on to less boring things..." Dean slides another slip of paper across the table. "That's the hotel I'm at, you know, in case you feel like stopping by to show me what Portland has to offer." He smirks as Benny's neck flushes a bit under his beard and he takes a slow swig of his coffee. "Or do I have competition? Adelaide isn't your wife or anything, is she?"

Benny huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. "No, it's a family name. Mama's name, mawmaw’s, sister’s and so forth. Figured I wasn't the type to end up with kids so I'd carry it on this way." He shrugs and starts to reach for the slip of paper and sighs. "Look. I shouldn't."

"Okay. If you don't want to, then don't." Dean chuckles and gets up.

"Right." Benny nods and shakes his hand.

"See you later." Dean smirks as Benny nods again.

"Yeah, uh, later.” Benny says, licking his lips before realizing what he’d said. “Shit! _No_. Not later; tomorrow.”

Dean grins to himself as he lets himself out while Pam cackles from behind the counter.

 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

 

Dean showers and changes his shirt. He makes a mental bet that Benny will be knocking on the door by 430.

It's not until 515 that a hesitant knock breaks the silence. Dean rushes to the door and looks out the peep hole to see Benny wince and turn quickly.

"Hey." Dean says, opening up the door and catching him before he makes it to the elevator.

"Uh, hi." Benny freezes in place and slowly faces him. "Fancy seeing you here." He smiles sheepishly and Dean laughs softly.

"No kidding."

Benny walks back to Dean's open door and sighs. "Sorry, I don't do stuff like this...I mean. I don't get out much."

"Uh huh?" Dean reaches out and takes his wrist, drawing him inside before closing the door.

"I just. Um." His mouth hangs open as Dean crowds him against the door, breathing heavily.

"Yeah?"

" _Fuck_." He huffs out, leaning in to kiss Dean, who chuckles into his mouth and slides his hands against the scruff of his beard.

Benny groans through the kiss and lightly rests his hands on Dean's biceps. "I shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" Dean mumbles against his lips before moving to the underside of his chin.

"Uhn...because you're a client. It's. It's really. _Fuck_." He shudders when Dean scrapes his teeth at the hollow of his throat, the back of his head thumping against the door. "Really. _Fucking_ un-unprofessional."

" _I'm_ not your client. My brother and his fiancée are. _I_ just want to have some fun." He grins into Benny's neck and mouths above his shirt collar. "Nothing wrong with that." Dean feels the hesitation bleed out of Benny's solid frame as they slowly fit together with Benny's thick thigh between his legs. "We good?" He asks as Benny nods and drops his hands to Dean's waist, pulling him closer and letting him rock against his thigh.

" _Yeah_." Dean grins and leans in to kiss him again.

The contrast between the slickness of Benny's mouth and the scrape of his beard has Dean's skin buzzing.

Heat blossoms in his gut when Benny's mouth latches onto the side of his throat, with just the right hint of teeth, slipping down to work at the junction of his neck and shoulder. He continues to rub himself against Benny's thigh as he works open Benny's belt.

"C'mon." Dean urges him, tugging on the leather strap to guide him to the bed.

Benny follows him, watching Dean strip out of his shirt, licking his lips at the expanse of golden, freckled skin.

" _Christ_." He breathes out as Dean grins and shimmies out of his jeans, standing there in nothing but a pair of gray boxer briefs. Benny ducks his head and plucks at his striped shirt. "Yeah. Kinda hard to top that." He chuckles nervously as Dean smiles and flicks open the button on Benny's jeans.

"Never trust a skinny chef." Dean says, sliding his hands up Benny's shirt, feeling his stomach flutter.  That startles a laugh out of Benny and he lets Dean pull off his shirt.

Dean nods in approval and runs his hands down Benny's lightly haired chest and stomach, tracing the ink on his sides. Benny twitches away and smirks before leaning into Dean.

"Tickles." He explains before resuming their kiss while Dean's hands drag down the zipper on his jeans.

Dean breaks away long enough to shed his boxer briefs and crawl back onto the bed, tugging at Benny's hand to follow. Benny stares for a moment before finishing undressing and joining Dean on the bed. Dean's calloused hand wraps around his cock and strokes him slowly while Benny kneels between his legs. Each movement drags a soft groan from Benny who grips Dean's splayed thighs.

It's Benny who takes Dean's wrist after a moment and lowers himself gently so they're pressed together, faces close. Dean breathes out shakily at the first drag of their cocks, hooking his leg across the back of Benny's thighs. It starts slow, punctuated by lazy kisses that feel far too intimate for a hook up, but Dean's not quite complaining, especially when grabbing Benny's ass makes him pick up the pace.

Dean's orgasm catches him off guard while Benny's rutting against him and sucking at the junction of his neck and shoulder, skin scraped tender by his scruff. His back arches and his fingers dig into Benny's sides as he rides it out, not holding back the cry that escapes. Benny's large hand wraps around him and works him through it. Dean's trying to catch his breath when Benny sits back with his legs spread carelessly and Dean fights his uncoordinated limbs to change positions. Benny lets out a startled groan when Dean's mouth sinks down over his erection, hands resting lightly on Dean's shoulders. Dean takes him down until the tip of Benny's cock hits the back of his throat and begins to bob his head. Benny's panting out obscenities as his thighs shake and Dean cups his balls.

"So close." He groans and Dean pulls off slowly and finishes him off with his hand. He adds a twist of his wrist and sends Benny over the edge, choking on a shout as cum splatters his stomach and chest.

 

Benny flops back panting and Dean sprawls out beside him, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

"Holy shit." Benny rumbles, looking to Dean with a lazy, sated grin. 

Dean stretches and watches Benny's eyes linger on his body, rather pleased with himself.

"See? Aren't you glad you came?" He asks as Benny laughs.

"Shut up."

  


They lay around for a bit before Dean drags himself up and heads into the bathroom to clean off. He wets a clean washcloth and rings it out before handing it to Benny who's swiping at the tacky mess with a tissue.

"Thanks." He says, smiling sheepishly as he takes it, wadding up the tissue in his palm. He wipes himself clean as Dean lights a cigarette and he looks around for his clothes. "I reckon this is the part where I go, right?"

"Yeah, usually before it gets awkward." Dean smirks, clouded by a haze of smoke as Benny slips into his boxers and jeans.

"Little late for that, cher." He chuckles and finishes dressing. "So, ah, I'll see you tomorrow and try to not keep imagining you naked." He says, pausing at the door with a nervous smile.

Dean grins and joins him, kissing him goodbye. "Imagine away, it'll be way more fun that way."

Benny groans quietly and huffs out a laugh. "Says the one who won't be going through a contract with a _client_."

 

 

 

Dean meets Jess and Allison in the lobby the next morning, feeling rather pleased with himself.

"What are you all smiley about?" Jess asks as they head out to the streetcar stop.

"Nothing. Did you have fun?" He deflects, leaning against a bench at the stop.

"Yeah, I did. We didn't find dresses though." Jess answers with a frown. "But admittedly we got a bit distracted and started checking out a few cool shops in the area."

"But we're thinking of trying again this afternoon." Allison says as the streetcar pulls up.  "Did you want to come along?"

"Probably not. Why don't you two make a day out of it again? Relax, go get mani pedis or whatever in between and go out tonight."

"Are you sure?" Jess questions as they get on.

"Yeah, this is your trip, go have fun. You’ve got plenty of planning time, take it easy."

They talk quietly until Dean identifies their stop and leads them off and in the direction of _Adelaide_.

They're just in time for a late breakfast when they arrive, the dining room somewhat cleared out with only a good handful of straggling customers enjoying a lazy Saturday morning.

There's another hostess at the front, with Pam working the bakery counter; she waves when she spots them and their hostess guides Dean to their table while Jess shows Allison some of the art on the wall.

Pam joins him a few moments later, ducking down to kiss his cheek.

"Gotta thank you, you earned me nearly a hundred and fifty bucks with the bet we had going." She smirks as he frowns in confusion.

"What bet?"

"If and when Benny would take the bait." She laughs and pats his shoulder. "Gotta say, he certainly was much less of a grump this morning." She winks and he grins.

"Glad to be of service."

"Morning ladies!" Pam says as Jess and Allison approach, moving away from Dean.

"Good morning!" Jess says, eyes flicking between the two as she sits across from Dean.

Pam sets down menus and recites the specials before heading to get them water and coffee.

Jess shares a look with Ally before nudging him under the table with her foot. "You slept with Pam!" She hisses as Dean looks up from his menu.

"Huh?"

"Don't lie, you slept with Pam!" She laughs as Ally nods in agreement.

"Oh." Dean chuckles to himself and shrugs. "Sorry, uh, yep. Totally unexpected though. Ran into her at a bar last night and hit it off."

" _Really_?" Ally says skeptically as he holds up his hands.

"Really. It was all pleasure, no business. Promise. Also entirely mutual on the no strings attached. She is a free spirit." He explains as Ally rolls her eyes and Jess smirks.

"Fine. Just don't cost me my caterer." Jess teases as he smiles.

"Of course not."

 

Pam comes back with their drinks and rolls with it when Ally insinuates something about her relationship with Dean.

They order breakfast and Pam explains that they can go over the catering paperwork when they're finished eating.

"Benny busy?" Dean asks, as Pam smirks.

"Yeah, gotta roll over into lunch soon. I can finish up with you." She winks and heads off to put their orders in.

 

Jess shows Dean the dresses they looked at yesterday from the photos on her phone.

“I don’t know. I just wasn’t feeling any of these.” She sighs as Dean swipes through the images.

“Did you even get your dress yet?”

“No.” She admits as Ally shoots Dean a look, looking like an exasperated babysitter

“Jess, no one gives a shit about your bridesmaids. Focus on your dress first.” Dean tells her as she looks down guiltily.

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to have all my bridesmaids bitching behind my back that I made them wear ugly dresses.”

“You could never pick anything ugly unless it was on purpose, J.” Ally says, shoving her playfully. “We’ll at least look for both today.”

Pam brings them their food while Allison and Jess discuss dress styles, Dean covertly gazing towards the kitchen as he half listens. He catches small glimpses of Benny through the doorway, but nothing substantial.

“Are you kidding me?” Allison says after a few bites of her beignets. “This is amazing. Please tell me you’re having these at the reception?”

Dean grins into his coffee and looks to Jess. “There was an option for a beignet bar…”

“Can you please not make these decisions any harder?” Jess sighs before taking a bite of her _pain perdu_ and sighs happily. “Holy shit.”

Dean just laughs and digs into his biscuits, so flaky they don’t even need butter.

They eat mostly in silence, too engrossed in their food for conversation. The front clears out gradually and a teenaged girl busses the vacant tables while Pam organizes the pastry case.

When it’s time to meet with Pam, after they’ve finished, Dean’s reaffirmed to why Jess and Sam are perfect for one another when she pulls out her own binder with notes and charts. They spend nearly forty five minutes heatedly discussing the menu with Sam on speakerphone, all while crunching numbers and going back and forth about whether or not to do a late night meal to send off their guests.

Dean gets distracted and gets up to use the restroom. After he’s finished, he peeks into the kitchen through the service doorway at the other end of the hall, lingering until Benny notices him. He gives his pot of gumbo another few stirs before heading over, smiling sheepishly.

“Hey. Breakfast okay?”

“Yeah, it was great. Not often that I get cooked for.” Dean grins and leans casually against the door frame.

“One of my perks, I guess.” Benny chuckles softly and ducks his head. “So, I was thinking. Did you want to maybe, I don’t know, get together tonight?”

Dean smiles through his surprise and shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, I guess I could go for that.” He says like his stomach isn’t doing somersaults at the idea.

“Cool. Um, so, meet you at the hotel around 5?”

“Okay.” Dean can't help but reach out and tug him forward by the pocket on his apron. He leans in for a kiss and feels Benny's huge hand gently grip his hip as their mouths move together. Benny tastes like coffee and spice from whatever he’d been taste testing for lunch and Dean’s tempted to drag him out back for a quickie.

Benny groans into his mouth as Dean nips his lower lip and reluctantly lets go at the sounds of the bells on the door.

“I gotta.” He clears his throat roughly and licks his lips, gesturing clumsily to the kitchen.

“Yeah. I'll see you later.” Dean says, straightening his shirt and taking a slow step back into the hallway.

He heads back towards the dining room and nearly collides into Allison who shoots him a look.

“Thought you got lost or something.”

“No, just chatting with the chef.” He says nonchalantly, with a smirk. “What? You looking for me?”

She rolls her eyes and pushes open the door to the ladies room, heading inside.

 

Dean returns to the table and does his best to focus on the menu planning.

 

 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

 

Dean had made it back to the hotel by almost one, the menu finally finalized, and spent a few hours watching TV and lazing around before getting ready for his evening. By the time Benny knocks on the door at a little after five he’s ready to crawl out of his skin in anticipation, waiting around in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. After a quick check through the peephole to ensure that it’s Benny, he yanks the door open and pulls him inside.

“Shit!” Benny hisses in surprise as Dean presses him against the door, a flash of déjà vu from the night before as he tugs at Benny’s belt.

“Hi.” Dean smirks, kissing him hard before sinking to his knees and pulling down Benny’s pants and boxers.

“H-hi.” Benny grunts as Dean’s mouth covers his soft cock and he grips at Dean’s shoulders for support. “This always how you greet people?” He asks, panting as he tips his head back when Dean’s tongue dips under his foreskin. “Oh, _fuck_.”

“Not everyone.” Dean answers, looking up at him from under his lashes as he mouths at the head of Benny’s cock.

Benny squeezes his shoulder as his knees shake when Dean’s mouth covers him again until he’s fully hard.

Dean pulls off after lapping away a bead of precome from the glans. He stands easily and moves towards the bed.

“Top or bottom?” He asks as Benny stares at him, still reeling, tripping over his pants stuck around his thighs.

“Uh. Yes?” He shakes his head and quickly strips out of his clothes, fumbling over his words as he catches a glimpse of Dean slipping out of his boxer briefs, cock hard and standing at attention. “No—no preference.” He gets out as Dean shoves something into his palm.

“Good, because all I could think about all day was that big, fat cock up my ass.” Dean says, voice pitched low as Benny groans and looks down at the condom packet in his hand and tugs him close into a bruising kiss. “Yeah, like that.” Dean gasps as Benny manhandles him onto the bed.

“You’re gonna be the goddamn death of me, darlin.” Benny rumbles, kissing down the side of Dean’s neck.

“C’mon, c’mon.” Dean huffs as Benny’s teeth scrape at the hollow of his throat, continuing down his chest.

“Thought I was in charge here.” He chuckles as Dean shivers as Benny’s beard rasps against his belly. He draws his knee up to his chest as Benny moves lower and mouths at the crease of his hip.

“Jesus.” Benny breathes out as he catches the glint of color and sits back, admiring the display.

“Told you.” Dean says, smugly smiling up at him, spreading his legs wider and showing off the jeweled plug already in his ass.

Benny sighs out a string of profanity and Dean rolls over onto his hands and knees when he reaches out to touch.

Dean sticks his ass up in the air and makes an impatient noise. “Come on.”

Benny’s huge hands grip each of his ass cheeks and shows off his bejeweled hole.

“Goddamn.” Benny rumbles, running his thumb around the silver circling the sapphire gem. He carefully and slowly removes the plug, feeling Dean’s thighs trembling in excitement. He drags his index finger across Dean’s loosened rim and smirks as Dean bites back a whine. “Look how ready you are, cher…” He says quietly, watching Dean’s cock dripping precome on the sheets as he reaches for the condom he’d dropped somewhere on the bed.

Dean rests his face on his folded forearms, cheeks hot with arousal as every gentle sound of skin on skin, fabric rustling, and crinkle of foil sends sparks down his spine. He’s breathing heavily by the time Benny parts his cheeks again, kissing the small of his back.

“Ready?” He asks quietly as Dean squirms impatiently.

The fat tip of Benny’s cock presses at his rim and Dean bites back a groan as he slides in slowly.

“Okay?” Benny pants, fighting to keep still as Dean nods and pushes back against him.

“Yeah, c’mon, fuck me.” Dean says, gripping the sheets as Benny begins to move minutely. “C’mon.” Dean groans until Benny begins to thrust and find his rhythm. Dean’s taunting fades into muffled grunts and moans as Benny fucks him hard and fast. Dean’s muscles shake as Benny pulls out and flips him carefully onto his back.

Dean’s about to protest the change until Benny angles his hips up and tucks Dean’s knees against his chest and presses back in. Dean lets out a cry instead as Benny hits his prostate perfectly.

 

He reaches back and grips the slats of the headboard that’s currently rattling loudly against the wall, still drowned out by the constant stream of filth and moans escaping Dean.

Benny leans in to kiss him, temporarily silencing Dean until he buries his face in the side of Dean’s neck. Dean lets go of the headboard to grab onto his shoulders, fingers digging in to Benny’s flesh.

“Come for me, cher.” He drawls, beard scratching against the tender skin under his ear.

Benny slams in once more and Dean’s gone, coming hard and letting out a cry that he’s sure people six floors up could hear.

Benny groans and pulls out, pulling off the condom. He fucks his fist and comes after a few strokes, striping Dean’s loose, slick rim and across his spent cock.

 

Dean collapses like a puppet with its strings cut when Benny lets go of his thighs and hits the mattress beside him, his face tucked into Dean’s shoulder as he catches his breath.

It’s nearly ten minutes before either of them manage to speak anything other than muffled swears and groans. Dean turns his head and finds himself practically nose to nose with Benny, smiling sheepishly. It just feels natural to kiss, something easy and intimate that should be so foreign to Dean. They tangle together slowly until Benny runs his fingers through Dean’s hair and chuckles.

“For the record, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind, not that I’m complaining of course.”

“Hm?” Dean frowns, squirming away as Benny kisses his throat.

“Well, I was kind of thinkin’ about showing you around town. You know, get some dinner, go see a show or something.” Benny says as he rolls onto his back when Dean sits up beside him.

“Look…I think there might be some confusion here. We aren’t dating, we’re not going to be dating, this is just sex.” Dean explains bluntly, starting to move away grabbing at the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand and lighting up.

“You’re the only one who said anything about dating, cher.” Benny states, holding out his hand for a cigarette and placing it between his lips after Dean lights it for him. “I was offering to take you out to thank you for last night. And tonight too, I guess.” He crosses his arms comfortably behind his head and lazily inhales.

“That’s not how this works.” Dean shakes his head, flicking the ash from his cigarette into the coffee mug on the nightstand as Benny smirks.

“Says who?” He shrugs casually and looks him over, removing his cigarette as he exhales a cloud of smoke. “You seem like a nice guy, I don’t get to get out much, I’d feel like less of an ass if I knew at least 5 things about you, that’s it.”

Dean rolls his eyes and turns away. “My name is Dean, I’m an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach, and one night stands.” He says smugly as Benny laughs. 

“Technically we’re on two-nights.” He corrects him as Dean glares at him over his shoulder. “Look, I’m not gonna be a dick about it, but, seriously, it’s just dinner and a movie. It’s gotta be better than sitting here alone in a hotel room. What are you afraid of? Fallin’ in love with me?” Benny smiles at Dean, with a hint of teeth and Dean’s stomach does the warm little butterfly tornado that always signals danger. But of course, he ignores it at the prospect of proving him wrong. _Right._ Right—that he won’t be some swooning Disney princess. Dean Winchester doesn’t do attachments, and love, and all that hallmark bullshit.

“In your dreams.” He scoffs as he gets up, taking one last long drag before tossing the butt in the mug, watching Benny’s eyes drift across his body. “But, you’re buying.”

“Deal.” Benny chuckles and gets out of bed.

 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

 

Benny shakes his head when Dean grabs his keys after they’ve showered and dressed.

“You can take ‘em, but we’re not driving.”

“What? You got some car phobia or something? You should see my car, she’s gorgeous.”

“All the more reason to not take her. Driving is horrible here. We’ll never be able to park, traffic is a mess, you’re liable to get her all dinged up…Better to leave her here.” Benny argues as Dean frowns and hesitantly leaves his keys in the room safe.

 

  
Dean grumbles about the fact that they’re on the bus, tucked in the back, surrounded by people going out for the night.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“What? This twenty questions?”

“Most people call it polite conversation but whatever makes you happy.” Benny answers coolly as Dean rolls his eyes.

“Between jobs right now. Bartend a bit on the side for cash.” Dean smirks and leans closer. “But I used to be a mechanic for a chop shop down in Houston until it got busted.”

“Couldn’t have been that good if y’all got caught.” Benny replies without missing a beat.

Dean can’t help but laugh and shake his head. “No, they were pretty good. I actually wasn’t in on it really. I just love fixing up nice cars. Unfortunately, not exactly easy to get a job with a record.”

“You do time?”

“No, probation, but, it still shows up.”

Benny nods and taps his arm and leads him off the bus at their stop.

 

They walk three or four blocks to a busy storefront with a crowd of people loitering outside and smoking and head inside. It’s a diner, with a rockabilly theme and Dean takes a deep inhale of the glorious scents.

“Benny!” A man with slicked back hair and full tattoo sleeves calls out as he makes his way through the maze of tables. He hugs the larger man tightly and claps him on the back.

“How you doin’, brother? Lookin’ good tonight.” Benny drawls, nodding to the full house.

“Sure as hell can’t complain, man!” He exclaims as he punches Benny in the arm. “Don’t think I didn’t miss your write up in Mix!”

Benny smiles modestly and herds Dean closer and out of the way of a tattooed waitress. “Ace, this is Dean, he’s in town for the weekend. You think you can fit us in?”

“Course, man.” Ace grins and sticks out his hand. “Great to meet you. How you likin’ it here?”

Dean smirks as he shakes and nods. “It’s pretty okay. Haven’t gotten to seen much yet.” Ace’s eyes dart to Benny as he grins while Benny conveniently is looking elsewhere.

“Bens won’t steer you wrong.” He adds as he leads them to a two-top and busses it himself. “Want a beer? Got some of the Diablo from Boneyard.”

“Yeah, sure.” Benny nods and sits down as Dean agrees and follows.

“So, you like famous around here?” Dean asks as Benny shakes his head.

“Nah, no way. Just a friend of mine who makes great food.”

“You’d think it’d be cutthroat in a busy city like this.”   
“No, if you’re good at what you do, there’s more than enough to go around. It’s a pretty cool scene.”

Ace comes back with two frosty glasses of beer and menus.

“So, anything you recommend?” Dean asks as Benny slides the menu back to Ace.

“The usual, Ace. And Pam said you liked burgers.” Benny says as Dean smirks and scans the menu. “Theirs are pretty much a religious experience.”

“Awesome. One big ass burger with the works, surprise me, I’m not picky.”

“I like him.” Ace grins at Benny as he takes Dean’s menu.

 

“So, you live in California with Sam?” Benny asks after Ace leaves.

“Sometimes. I kind of float between there and my dad’s in Idaho, outside Boise.” He shrugs and sips at his beer, the notes of citrus dancing across his palate. “Was in Houston before I got popped, Saint Louis before that, Nashville, Birmingham…”

“So, what you’re saying is you’re not fond of putting down roots?” Benny smirks as Dean laughs softly and shakes his head.

“Nah, I’m free. Worst time of my life was growing up after my dad got remarried and we stayed put. Fucking hated being stuck in one place. What about you? You sound a little far from home.” He says, imitating his accent.

Benny huffs out a laugh as he sips his beer, licking foam from the scruff on his upper lip. “Well, I’ve only lived a few places, but I traveled all over. Used to be a fisherman.”

“A fisherman?” Dean says skeptically as Benny nods.

“Grew up in a small town outside Lafayette. Dropped out of school at sixteen and went to go work on the boats and basically hopped ports all over.”

“And then you ended up in Portland?” Dean says skeptically.

“Well, I spent some time in Greece. Fell in love, almost got married, found out she was sleeping with my boss, and made my way back to New Orleans with my tail between my legs about ten, fifteen years ago. Joined up with an uncle to help run his restaurant just outside the Ninth Ward.” His mouth forms a tight line as he pushes his beer between his hands idly. “Then Katrina hit, we lost everything and I figured a change would be a good idea.”

“Shit.” Dean says quietly, taking a swallow of his beer to dislodge the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Shit happens. I’m happy here, I can’t really complain.”

“So, you went all the way up to Portland?”

“Yeah, Pam convinced me to come stay with her after I finally got out and I just never left.” He chuckles and sips his beer. “Too fuckin’ cold though.”

Dean laughs and goes wide eyed when Ace returns with a monstrous burger and places it in front of him.

“Oh that is beautiful.” He breathes out reverently before huffing in the glorious smell.

Benny smirks and sits back as Ace puts down a sandwich piled high with smoky pulled pork and creamy coleslaw. “Thanks, Ace. Told you.” He says to Dean, who grins at Ace.

“Thanks, this is awesome.”

“No problem, enjoy it, man!” Ace puts down a bottle of ketchup and steals one of Benny’s fries when he leaves.

Dean carefully lifts his burger and takes a big bite, letting out a blissful moan as he chews. “Oh my god.” He says through is mouthful as Benny laughs and cuts his sandwich in half. “So.” He swallows and takes another bite. “How you know Pam?” He asks with his mouth full.

Benny actually remembers his manners and swallows before answering. “Uh, Mardi Gras, a year or so after I got back.”

“Mardi Gras? Oh man, there’s a story there, right?”

Benny laughs and looks a bit bashful. “We, uh, actually hooked up one night. Or, actually, we’re not entirely sure what happened, ‘coz if you remember the day after any festivities, you ain’t done it right. Woke up in my trashed apartment, on the fuckin’ floor, beads everywhere, with a hangover that had us wearing sunglasses for three days straight. So we filled in the blanks and kind of decided to roll with it and somehow kept in touch. As friends.”

Dean hums in appreciation and nods. “Yeah, I get it. Having flashbacks to Vegas and waking up with like six other dudes.” He sighs happily and takes another bite of his burger. “Good times.”

Benny smirks and shakes his head.

“How’d you come upon that car of yours? Must have cost a fortune.” Benny asks, referring to the Impala, which Dean insisted on checking on while they waited for the bus.

Dean shrugs and chews another oversized bite of burger. “The only thing my dad ever gave me. Got drunk and totaled it a long time back and ended up having to rebuild her from scratch.”

“That where the scar on your thigh is from?”

Dean shifts a little and puts down his burger to finish off his beer. “Yeah. Broke my femur in three places. Totally not fun.” He rubs his palm unconsciously against his thigh under the table and shrugs. It wasn’t like you couldn’t notice it (especially when Benny had seen him naked just as much as he had clothed), but it was rare that anyone ever mentioned it. “The best part was my dad’s wife was the nurse on call in the ER.” He picks up a fry and bites it in half before dragging it through a pool of ketchup. “Kinda hard to balance the ‘hey thanks for not letting me die’ and ‘I totally still hate you’.” He adds, surprised at his own honesty.

“I’m sensing some family tension.” Benny comments as Dean frowns and goes back to the remaining hunk of his burger.

“Yeah. No. You do not get to unlock my tragic backstory, okay?” He snaps as Benny shrugs at him, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

“So it’s tragic then?” He asks without skipping a beat, causing Dean to glare at him.

Benny smiles innocently and finishes his beer.

 

Dean steers the conversation towards small talk until they’re finished eating and Benny takes the check the tattooed waitress leaves for them.

“Ready? We can still make it.”

“To what?” Dean asks as they get up.

“There’s a theatre not too far from here doing a Hitchcock double feature.” Benny says as they head to the door, waving to Ace. “I mean, if you want to.”

“Sounds an awful lot like dinner and a movie.” Dean comments as Benny shrugs.

“I like Hitchcock, and this theatre serves beer, and it’s only 5 bucks to get in. Figured it was something to do.”

“Okay. But this is not a date.” Dean reiterates as Benny rolls his eyes and leads him down the street.

“It’s not a date.” Benny confirms as Dean nods.

 

The theatre is a restored local landmark that’s full of all types, from punks, to hipsters, to families, and older couples. It’s an interesting mix that manages to add to the charm. Benny pays at the ticket booth and leads them to the concession stand where a cute bohemian girl is pouring beer from a keg on the back counter into red solo cups, and a hipster guy manning the popcorn machine. He buys them a beer each and they go into the theatre to find seats.

They end up towards the back in the corner to themselves. They debate the merits of various Hitchcock films until the lights dim and a representative from the theatre comes to the front and makes a few announcements about upcoming events.

 

Dean feels himself relax as the movie starts and rolls, always finding things to be easier in the dark. Benny is quiet and unobtrusive at his side, the press of their thighs together in the small seats somehow comfortable. They show Psycho first and Dean makes Benny laugh with his impression of Bates’ mother. During the intermission they alternate saving their seats and using the restroom and getting more beer.

They settle in again to wait for the second movie, _Spellbound_ , one Dean’s never seen, and Benny tells him a little about the film.

“Salvador Dali worked on it too, he designed one of the sequences.”

“You don’t seem like the film buff type.” Dean says as Benny shoots him a shy smile and holds up his smartphone.

“I might have googled it when you were in the bathroom.” He admits as Dean laughs.

And it’s just so easy to lean in, shrouded in their dark corner, and kiss him until the lights dim again, through the second round of announcements and the film begins.

 

 

They make it back to the hotel a little after midnight and Benny actually escorts Dean to his room.

“You know I’m way too fat and happy for round two and I don’t cuddle, right?” He laughs as Benny shakes his head.

“And you know I’m not 22 anymore, right?” He counters as they stumble to Dean’s door.

Dean shifts against the doorframe and runs a hand through his hair. “Uh, I had a good time. Really.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“So, thanks.” Dean says awkwardly as Benny reaches into his pocket and hands him a business card.

“My number’s on the back, you know, if you’re back in town and wanted to get together.”

“Look, I don’t think—“

“No pressure, okay? Just cut me some slack, I have a gorgeous guy show interest, I gotta at least try and see if we could go again.” Benny laughs, getting Dean to smile. “I promise. No pressure. Business is business, anything else is its own thing. You’re in charge. You’re in town and wanna get together, you call me. That’s it.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Dean nods and closes his fingers around the card in his palm.

“Full disclosure though, kind of hoping you do.” Benny smirks as Dean leans in for a kiss.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” He says when they finally break apart, slipping his keycard out of his pocket. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Dean shuts the door behind him quickly and smiles to himself as he unlaces his boots. He easily associates the flutter in his chest to the beginnings of heartburn.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

 

Dean ends up driving a hung-over Jess back to Palo Alto the next day after seeing Allison off on her way back to Seattle. He manages to focus elsewhere, Benny’s card tucked in the back of his wallet until Sam starts talking about vetting florists later in the week and finds himself volunteering for a trip back to Portland.

 

 

 

 

Dean lays in bed after working all night at a local bar that he subs at when he’s in town, turning Benny’s card over in his hand, feeling the weight of his phone on his belly. He’s too buzzed to sleep and he stares at the numbers in the light from the screen before deciding to text Benny.

_> Sunday afternoon. U in?_

Benny’s reply comes sometime around 4 AM.

> _Of course. Let me know when you hit town and where and im there._

True to his word Benny’s knocking on the door to his motel room no more than 2 hours after he texts that he’s arrived. Dean barely gets out a hello before Benny’s kissing him. He grunts as Benny groans into his neck, pressing him against the wall.

“Sorry. Sorry.” Benny pants, releasing his grip as Dean laughs and opens his belt and fly.

“Don’t be. I like it.” He grins, kissing him hard. “It’s hot as fuck.”  
Benny curses under his breath as Dean pushes his jeans down and reaches into his boxers. “Uhn. Bit of a shock to the system going from a pretty horrific dry spell, to getting a taste, and being stuck again.” He shudders as Dean closes his hand around his erection and strokes him from root to tip.

“I’ll admit I missed your cock.” Dean smirks as Benny thrusts into his hand with a muffled groan.

Benny cuts off anything else Dean had to say with another heated kiss as he works at getting Dean’s naked from the waist down.

Dean swings his foot up onto the dresser and Benny’s thick fingers brush against the ring of muscle stretched tight around the plug. “Fucking boy scout.” He chuckles, twisting the plug and grinning when Dean lets out a soft grunt.

Benny wastes no time in working the plug free and sliding in.

Dean grips his shoulders and Benny hooks his arms under Dean’s thighs and hoists him up, Dean wrapping his legs around his waist.

“C’mon, fuck me.” Dean moans as Benny’s huge hands move to hold his hips while he thrusts.

Dean doesn’t bother holding back, shouting out when Benny slams against his prostate, as Benny murmurs sweet filth that makes the heat in his belly flare up.

He just laughs when the room next door bangs back on the wall. Dean starts to yell louder in retaliation, but Benny’s mouth closes over his own, distracting him.

“You think you can come just from my cock?” Benny rumbles as a shiver runs down Dean’s spine.

“You think you can make me?” Dean challenges as Benny grins and changes the angle, hitting deeper and dragging a low moan from Dean.

 

Benny fights the burn in his thighs from the exertion and thrusts harder until Dean’s shaking and gasping for breath.   
“Gonna--” Dean groans before coming all over his t-shirt.

Benny lets out a relieved huff and follows, face buried in Dean’s neck. Dean’s legs slowly slide down Benny’s thighs and shakily support him as Benny slips free.

They laugh quietly as Dean strips out of his shirt and wipes off the traces of cum on his stomach, stumbling into the dresser. Benny takes the soiled shirt and finishes cleaning him off, his thick fingers gentle as they brush against his ass.

“So…what brings you to Portland?” Benny asks, clumsily backing away with his pants still around his calves.

“Flowers.” Dean smirks and guides him towards the bed.

“Flowers?”

“Yep. I don’t know why Sam would think I’d be a good person to evaluate florists, but, it was a good excuse to come by.” He pushes Benny back gently and watches him sit on the edge of the bed before kicking gently at his booted foot.

“I thought this was the part where I leave?” Benny asks carefully.

“What? Did you want to?” Benny shakes his head and shrugs at the same time as he quickly unlaces his boots, making Dean laugh. “Well, you’re closed Mondays, so I figured we’d work on round two…and three…and four.” Dean tells him, straddling his knees easily as Benny groans happily.

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

“That would defeat the purpose.” Dean answers, kissing him slowly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They managed to leave the hotel room sometime the next afternoon. Benny takes Dean to a hole in the wall Mediterranean place where they stuff themselves with gyros, baba ganoush, and baklava before wandering around the Belmont neighborhood and venturing into a few florists.

 

Dean wakes early the next morning, trying to get the motivation to get out of bed with Benny tucked against him, his heavy arm draped across his middle.

“You gonna let me up any time soon?” He asks as Benny smiles into his shoulder before pressing a kiss to his freckled skin.

“Nope, wasn’t planning on it.” He mumble, scraping his bearded chin against him, making Dean squirm and laugh.

“I gotta get going soon.” Dean tells him as Benny sighs and stretches.

“Yeah, yeah. I gotta go let the dogs out anyhow. I don’t know if Pam swung in before work.”

“Ugh.” Dean makes a face of disgust at the mention of Benny’s dogs, a point of contention between them.

Benny laughs heartily as he leans in for a kiss. “I love when you rag on my pups, reminds me that you’re not perfect.”

“You’re delusional, dogs are gross.” Dean protests, playfully shoving him and getting out of bed.

 

 

Dean returns to Palo Alto with a request to do some more scouting the next week, telling Sam that flowers are important and they shouldn’t be so hasty to choose a florist so soon.

 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

 

The following two months are filled with extended weekly trips to Portland with varying degrees of wedding planning actually occurring. He visits Benny every morning and snags breakfast and collects a folded order ticket with directions to a hidden gem in town. Benny’s sent him to cozy bookstores where he spent the rainy afternoon curled up in an oversized armchair reading Vonnegut and drinking coffee, a small botanical garden, the historical museum, an antique car shop, and a few cool shops. Each night they spend in smoky bars listening to local bands playing everything from sultry blues to hard rock, catching old films at the restored theatre, or holed up in Dean’s hotel room.

Dean’s almost disappointed when he’s ready to head back to Idaho for good with the bulk of the wedding planning complete.

  

“Hey, I know you’re on a budget, but can I chip in so you can stay somewhere nicer? Some guy out front just tried to sell me heroin.” Benny drawls, coming back in with the filled ice bucket.

“What? And you didn’t get me any? You suck.” Dean quips as Benny chuckles and pours the ice into a plastic bag before putting it inside the cooler he’d packed for Dean.

“Or, and I know you’re going to get all sorts of squirrely with me just saying this out loud, but why don’t you just save the money all together and stay at my place?” Benny suggests casually, focusing on rearranging the cooler’s contents. “I’ll put the dogs in their room, clean up all the fur I can, hell you can stay in the guest room if it makes you feel better, and you’ve got your car for a quick getaway if you want.”

Dean freezes, in the middle of shoving a shirt into his duffle bag. “Uh.” He forces himself to stand up straight and shrugs, feeling the tug of war between the butterflies and the urge to panic being trumped by the challenge to not be so predictable. He knows Benny wasn’t even trying to challenge him, but the subtle dig triggers his stubborn side, inspiring him to be contrary.

“Okay.”

Benny’s head picks up quickly as he stares at him with a furrowed brow. “Really?” He asks suspiciously as Dean shrugs.

“Yeah. It makes sense. I mean, we crash at your place often enough. But seriously, I find even one dog hair on the sheets and I’m gone.”

“You’re weird, you know that, right? There was a cockroach the size of my damn hand in the bathroom last time and you’re skeeved by some dog hair.” Benny laughs as he gets up and moves towards Dean.

“Well I can kill a roach, dog hair’s just gross and everywhere.” Dean protests as Benny’s hands close gently around his hips, drawing him closer.

“We’re going to have to negotiate on the amount of dog hair, cher.” Benny rumbles, kissing him softly. “None is a bit unreasonable.”

“Or you could get rid of the dogs, just saying.” Dean suggests as Benny growls affectionately into his neck before kissing the underside of his jaw.

“Don’t push your luck, darlin’, you won’t win.”

 

 

Dean makes it back to Portland after a week back in Idaho, already annoyed at the proximity to his father, Kate, and Adam. True to his word, he stays at Benny’s place, a cozy older house in a decent neighborhood. Benny falls a bit short on his end of the bargain when he’s greeted by Benny and a gray and white pit bull, sitting politely at his side with a gently wagging tail.

“Uh…” Dean says as Benny holds up his hands.

“Look, I know I said no dogs, but Nana’s not going to bother you, I promise. The boys are in their room, and she just wants to lay on her couch, she’s not in the mood to play with them today.” Dean wants to protest but Benny looks damn close to potentially pouting. “She’s a little old lady, Dean. Have a heart.” Benny says as Dean sighs and shoves his way in, keeping to Benny’s other side.

“Fine. Whatever.” He eyes the dog and frowns. “You just stay over there.” He says as Nana cocks her head.

“Look, I know you’re not a fan, but she’s the sweetest girl ever. She used to smuggle in stray kittens back in New Orleans and raise them.”

“I hate cats too.” Dean answers flatly as Benny scratches behind Nana’s ears.

“Why do I like you again?” Benny questions as Dean grins suggestively. “Oh, right.” Benny smirks and makes a slight gesture to Nana who trots off to the living room, jumping onto the loveseat with a thump.

 

 

By the time he’s ready to head back on Wednesday, Dean’s reached a truce with Nana, allowing her to come near him and even cautiously petting her. Of course it leads to her thinking he might actually be coming around and she spends half the evening bringing him toys as tokens of affection, which Dean will only admit is kind of cute upon pain of death. He even manages to let the rambunctious boys sniff him when they run up to him from his perch on the back porch. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9.

 

When he gets back to Idaho for his shift at the bar Thursday night, he finds out that one of the other bartenders quit without notice and the manager’s worked him in to fill in his shifts. While the cash is appreciated, it’s a bit weird not being able to pick up and see Benny weekly. Sure, they’re texting and talking, and he introduced Benny to the joys of SnapChat, but it’s not the same.

He doesn’t even realize he’s gone nearly a month without sex until a familiar face comes into the bar.

 

The man heads over to the bar, a sly smile on his lips as he sits.

“Wasn’t sure if you even worked here anymore.” He comments, his voice smoky and smooth like the top shelf whiskey Dean automatically reaches for.

“Yeah, I was in and out of town for a few months.” Dean answers as he smiles, raising the heavy glass Dean had given him in a silent toast.

“Glad to see you’re back. I almost stopped coming here.” He says as Dean smirks and tops off his glass when it hits the surface of the bar.

“Well I’m glad you didn’t.” Dean tells him, winking subtly before heading to the opposite end of the bar to take care of a couple of tipsy ladies flagging him down for more cosmos.

 

His name is Eliot and he’s some veteran detective in Boise and Dean’s hooked up with him a dozen or so times over the years. He’s easy and uncomplicated and play the game as well as Dean does while still maintaining a level of class that Dean appreciates. Sure it’s not like he takes him out to dinner afterwards or anything, but there’s always a glass or two of good whiskey and Eliot’s a decent guy.

They make small talk throughout the night and Eliot switches to club soda with a splash of cranberry and lime to sober up for the drive home while he watches the game on the big screen TVs.

When the game rolls into the nightly news, Eliot pulls several crisp bills from his wallet and lays them on the surface of the bar neatly to cover his tab and a generous tip.

“So, would you be interested in getting together sometime?” He asks as Dean nods and answers far too quickly, pouring a beer from the tap for another customer.

“Yeah.” He nods and nearly overflows the glass. “Yeah, that’d be great. So, I’m off tomorrow night?” He suggests as Eliot smiles subtly and nods.

“That sounds fine.”

“Your place?” Dean asks as Eliot nods and stands.

“Sure. Around 7?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.” Dean smiles and Eliot nods before heading out, still cool and collected.

 

 

Dean doesn’t get to think much about it until he’s getting ready the next day, between the crazy rush after midnight and almost having to break up a bar fight. He spends the afternoon running errands, restocking his supply of booze and junk food, full of nervous energy that he decides is just anticipation. But by the time he’s in the shower, it’s morphed into a hollow, heavy feeling in his gut that unsettles him. Benny comes to mind briefly as he dresses, but he brushes it off, refusing to give it another thought.

 

The little nagging feeling stays in the back of his mind though, even after he greets Eliot at the door.

He eagerly accepts the drink he’s offered and takes a long sip, still holding onto his keys.

Eliot eyes him and sips his own drink casually. “Is everything alright?” He asks as Dean forces himself to grin, because Eliot doesn’t need to be a cop to see through him.

“Yeah, of course.” He says quickly, pocketing his keys and downing what’s left in his glass before moving into his space which Eliot allows cautiously. “Fine.”

 

Dean smiles when Eliot’s fingers grip his jaw gently and guide him into a kiss, keeping it slow and easy. Dean relaxes into it but the nagging feeling flares up gradually; it just doesn’t feel right. Dean groans to mask his frustrated sigh and deepens the kiss, taking Eliot’s hands and guiding them to his hips. His body reacts slowly, but it’s all just off. His brain unhelpfully supplies the exact reasons when Eliot’s smooth chin rubs against his throat while he kisses his neck and his hands squeeze at his waist and he realizes exactly what the feeling is. Guilt.

 

It actually shocks Dean enough that he squirms back a bit, and Eliot hums against his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He answers quickly before his stomach does a barrel roll. He pulls Eliot in for another kiss and tries to break through the hollow sinking feeling in his gut until it gets to be too much. “Wait.” Dean says as Eliot allows him to pull away, looking concerned. “I’m sorry. I…” He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “Look, it’s not you, it’s me, and I know that’s like the worst thing to say and it’s always some bullshit. But, really, it’s me. I’m gonna go.”

“Are you okay?” Eliot asks carefully, reaching out to touch his arm.

“Yeah. No. Yes.” Dean fumbles, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah. I’m just gonna go. Sorry. Really, sorry.” He keeps on before making a beeline for the door.

 

He gets in the Impala and drives off quickly, windows down to let in the cooling air and tries to calm down.

He’s mostly okay by the time he finds himself in front of a rundown bar.

“Just got the signals crossed. That’s it.” He tells himself, straightening his hair in the rear view mirror. “Just need a change.”

 

He goes inside and scouts around, finding it mostly empty, a few guys gathered around a table quietly watching the game with an older guy behind the bar. He’s about to walk out when a curvy redhead comes out of the storeroom carrying a case of Budweiser.

He smiles and saunters up to the bar and takes a seat near her.

“Hey.” He says as she smiles back and looks him over.

“Hey there, what can I get you?”

“Lonestar would be great, please.” He says as she nods and pulls a bottle from the cooler and pops the cap with the ring on her index finger.

“Neat trick.” He tells her as she grins and tosses the cap into a bucket behind the bar.

“Comes in handy.” She shrugs and leans against the bar top. “So what brings you to this shithole.” She smirks and he grins and turns up the charm.

“Just passing through. Hoped for some good company.”

They make comfortable small talk and flirt openly for a good twenty minutes before Dean finally thinks everything’s fine.

“So, I’m Dean by the way.” He says as she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles.

“I’m Della.”

“Della? That’s a pretty name.”  
“Thanks.” She looks up at him from under her lashes and smiles. “It’s short for Adelaide.”

Dean’s smile falls as his stomach twists again, the guilt returning full force. “For fuck’s sake!” He sighs, looking up at the ceiling.

“Excuse me?” Della stares at him with a frown and he gets up quickly, digging some cash out of his wallet.

“Sorry. This is not my night.” He tells her and slides the bills across the bar before heading back out to the impala.

 

He heads home and is thankful that it looks like no one else is there to try and snag him. He pulls into the garage and takes the stairs up to the loft. Dean throws his keys down on the small table off the kitchenette and struggles out of his boots. He strips down to his boxers and t-shirt and plops down on the couch with his cell phone in his hand.

Charlie will know what to do, he tells himself as he scrolls through his contacts and searches for his best friend’s listing.

 

“This better be good, it’s four in the fucking morning.” Charlie growls after 7 rings as Dean sighs in frustration.

“It’s not my fault I never know where you are. Speaking of, where are you?”

“London.” She mumbles, yawning loudly. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I have…feelings, or something.” He mumbles as she huffs.

“What are you talking about?”

“I couldn’t sleep with someone.”

“ _Okay_? Were they a douche or something? Not that it’s stopped you before. Are you sure you’re not just developing standards?”

“No. You know the guy…in Portland?”

“Benny? You couldn’t sleep with Benny?”

“No! I couldn’t sleep with someone else.” He hisses as he squirms against the cushions.

“ _Oh_!”

“I tried, I did. And it just felt…wrong. Like really wrong. I felt _guilty_ , Charlie.”

“I told you this was going to happen.” She says as Dean winces. “You like him, like really like him. I told you that month ago and you laughed at me and gave me some bullshit about how it doesn’t mean anything and it’s just sex and you know what you’re doing.”

He groans and rolls over and hides his face in the pillows. “Charlie, it’s like the universe is giving me some karmic bitch-slap. I went to a bar and met a girl? Her name was fucking Adelaide. _Adelaide_. Like his fucking restaurant.”

“I’m not going to say you had this coming, but you’ve been playing with fire, Dean. It was only a matter of time before your whole bullshit about not doing attachments and stuff came back to bite you in the ass.” She sighs and Dean can hear her turn over, the sheets rustling. “But on a serious note, can you please explain to me again why this is a bad thing?”

“Charlie, I don’t do relationships. I always fuck them up.”

“Dean, that’s statistics. Most people fuck up relationships.”  
“Yeah, but when I do it, I do it epically. You know this.”

“Usually because you’re too busy setting yourself up to fail, or running away once things get serious.”

“I do not.”

“So, when you dumped Lisa after she said that she loved you that was what? Just a coincidence?”

“I did her a favor.” He answers quietly.

“Dean, sweetie, I love you, I really do, but you really need some actual help with this shit. Like from someone who paid lots of money to some shitty college to get a piece of paper that lets them charge you to give advice.”

“I don’t need a shrink.” He protests sharply as she sighs in defeat.

“So what? Are you going to break it off with him?” She asks and he doesn’t answer. “Dean?”

“I don’t know.” He finally admits.

“See, you like him.”

“It doesn’t matter, Charlie. It’s not going to happen. After the wedding, it’s over. If not before.”

“So stop seeing him, then. God, Dean, what do you want me to say? It’s too goddamn early for this.” She snaps as Dean frowns and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, okay?”

“Well, you need to think about it.”

“Okay.” He agrees, to avoid an argument as she yawns again. “Okay, I’m sorry I called.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t be an idiot. He makes you happy, Dean, don’t be a pussy, man up and admit that you want to be his boyfriend, not just his fuck buddy.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“I love you, Dean, but I gotta go.”

“Love you too, Char, I’ll text you soon.”

 

 

 

  
Dean sighs and hides under the pillows, face burning. He doesn’t _like_ Benny. He just…likes him. He muffles a frustrated yell into the pillow.

“This is so fucking seventh grade.” He huffs, turning over and groping for the remote. He turns on the TV and half watches a rerun of last week’s Dr. Sexy.

 

He stares at his phone during the commercial break and scrolls through his messages. He wants to call Benny and feels stupid for it. He reaches for the bottle on the coffee table and takes a swig of lukewarm Jack Daniels. The warmth fills his chest and calms the storm in his gut and gives him the balls to dial.

“’Lo?” Benny slurs after a few rings as Dean chuckles and shifts on the couch.

“Were you sleeping?”

“Well, I do get up at da asscrack a’ dawn, cher.” Benny rumbles, the rasp of his palm running across his stubble coming through the phone.

“You should watch Dr. Sexy with me.” Dean tells him as Benny laughs.

“You wanna watch TV over th’ phone?”

Dean flushes and clears his throat. “No. I was kidding. I’m just bored.” He protests as Benny grumbles over the line.

“What channel it on?” He asks after a few moments and Dean blinks in surprise.

“Uh. ABC.”

After a few moments of fumbling Benny hums in confusion. “Don’ think it’s on here yet...”

“Oh. But you really went to turn it on? You sap.” Dean says, trying to hide the smile threatening to take over his face. Benny just mumbles and wedges the phone between his ear and the pillow.

Benny slurs something and Dean just laughs. “Your accent gets so thick when you’re tired.”

“Mm, you love it, cher.” He chuckles as Dean grins. “So? What’s happenin’ den?”

“Dr. Piccolo is on the prowl. She and Dr. Sexy have a thing. But she and this patient are so into each other too, but he’s terminal.”

“Uh huh.” Benny mumbles and goes quiet until Dean laughs.

“Did you fall asleep? Your snoring is making me deaf.”

“Not me. Dog. Actually all three.”

“How do you sleep through that? I have a hard enough time sleeping through just your snoring.”

“Ya get use’ ta it, ‘s like white noise now. And yer snorin’ ain’t exactly quiet either.”

“I do not snore.”

“Know who say dat?”

“Who?”

“People who goddamn snore.” Benny’s laugh rumbles across the line and Dean can’t help but echo him.

“Shut up. Trying to watch my show.”

“Uh huh.”

Dean ignores him until the next commercial break. “So, uh, I was thinking I might try and come by next week? Sunday night?”

“Yeah? ’D be great, darlin’.”

“Cool. So, I’ll let you go back to bed.”

“Okay, night, cher. Dream sweet, talk to you later.”

“You too.” He answers quickly before hanging up.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10.

 

 

Dean makes it through the week and catches a few hours after his shift before hitting the road for Portland.

He spends the drive rotating through his cassette collection, trying to avoid the nagging guilt and anxiety that had been plaguing him since the incident with Eliot.

When he finally pulls into Benny’s driveway behind the rusted, junker of a pickup Benny calls a truck a strange sense of calm settles in. The dogs are barking as he gets out of the car and hoists his duffle bag onto his shoulder and it’s not even bothering him.

He steps up onto the porch and rings the bell, waiting for Benny to open up.

Benny greets him in an apron covering his jeans and tshirt, his feet bare on the hardwood floors and his cheeks red from the heat of the stove.

“Hey.” He drawls as Dean steps inside and breathes in the scent of spices hanging in the air.

“Hi…smells good.” He smiles as Benny holds out a hand in offering to take his bag.

Instead, Dean leans in and kisses him softly, the skin on his chin scraping against his stubble. Benny neglects the bag in favor of cupping his cheeks gently before running his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“You okay?” He asks quietly as Dean nods and tucks his face into the crook of Benny’s neck, feeling the tension bleed out of him, eased by Benny’s hand squeezing at the knots in his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He sighs, kissing the soft skin of his throat. “Just tired.”

Benny hums softly in acknowledgement and lightly runs his hand down Dean’s spine, letting it rest in the hollow of his lower back.

Dean picks his head up at the sound of a high pitched whine and scratching at the door and sad whimpers coming from the dog’s room, and seeing Nana sitting patiently holding a Lambchop plush between her jaws.

“Oh, just let them out.” He says with a wince as Benny stares at him for a moment.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Dean nods in defeat and holds out his hand for Nana to come inspect him. “Thank you.” He says with a grimace as he takes the slobbery plush toy and she rubs up against his legs like a cat.

Benny laughs and kisses his cheek, taking the toy. “Go get settled in, darlin’. I’ll let the boys out in the back to burn off some energy first.”

Dean nods and heads upstairs, Nana on his heels.

 

Dean lets himself into Benny’s room and sets his duffle on the cleared off dresser before sitting heavily on the bed. Nana sits by his feet and rests her chin on his knee. Dean sighs and stares at her.

“What?” He says as she mirrors his sigh. “Drama queen.” He rolls his eyes and pets the tops of her head gently.

Five minutes at Benny’s and he’s more at home than he’s been since he went back to Idaho. The thought brings its own quiet panic that feels muted by a comfortable haze.

He scratches behind her ears before nudging her chin off his knee. He rubs his hand on his jeans and gets up and goes into his duffle for a change of clothes. He gets dressed in the bathroom because it feels weird letting the dog watch and emerges in a pair of flannel sleep pants and a threadbare tshirt and socks.

 

Dean heads back downstairs, Nana following, and finds Benny in the kitchen, watching Tank and Jackson playing in the yard.

“What’s for dinner?” He asks as Benny look over his shoulder and smiles.

“Deconstructed chicken pot pies.” He answers, pulling a dutch oven from the oven and opening the lid to show off a creamy mixture of veggies and chicken bubbling away. “Just getting ready to make biscuits.”

 

Dean grins and opens the fridge to snag a beer and stares at the pyrex bowl of apple pie filling. He can’t help but steal a chunk of apple from the bowl before grabbing another beer for Benny.

“Thank you.” He says, handing him the beer after twisting off the cap.

“My pleasure, darlin.” Benny replies, clinking the necks of their beers together in a toast.

 

 

They end up eating on the couch after catching up in the kitchen while Benny made biscuits and assembled the pie. The two giant pit bulls are passed out on the rug in front of the fire in the fireplace, while Nana naps on her loveseat with another plush toy. Dean’s full on biscuits and creamy chicken, but not enough to turn down the slice of hot caramel burboun apple pie topped with a small scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on top Benny brings him.

They spend the night watching movies on Netflix until Dean’s half asleep curled up against Benny until Benny herds him upstairs and into bed.

 

 

 

Benny wakes to Dean rutting lazily against his thigh and can’t help but smile, kissing him sweetly.

They tangle together, slow and still fighting off the dregs of sleep until they’re sated and sticky. Dean smiles and settles back against the pillows as Benny reluctantly stirs after a few minutes.

“Gonna shower, let the dogs out, and get on breakfast, cher.” He mumbles into Dean’s throat, hearing him hum in acknowledgement before he pulls away and gets up.

 

Dean listens to Benny moving around the bedroom, the sounds of the shower, and the rustle of fabric as he dresses, and the soft kiss pressed to his lips before he goes downstairs. He smiles to himself and breathes in deeply. Contentment’s seeped into the marrow of his bones, but still the little hollow seed of guilt stirs in his gut.

He stays in bed until the dogs start barking in the yard while they play and stumbles into the shower, still damp and warm from when Benny used it. He puts on fresh pajama pants and one of Benny’s t-shirts that was stacked on the other dresser.

Dean heads down into the kitchen and smiles at Benny frying eggs and bacon to Etta James playing off his phone, humming along and moving slightly to the beat.

“Breakfast and a show?” He says as Benny starts and laughs.

“Didn’t hear you come down.” He explains as Dean grins and kisses his scruffy cheek before moving to the coffee pot.

Dean fills up a mug and takes a sip before opening up the ziplock of leftover biscuits and popping them in the toaster oven without being asked as Benny shuts off the music.

“You didn’t have to turn it off.”

“You got enough dirt on me, darlin’, don’t need you seein’ my sweet moves too.” He teases as Dean laughs and watches the biscuits toast.

He frowns and inspects his mug idly.

“Hey, we’re not exclusive right?”

“Hm?” Benny look over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the eggs.

“I mean, we’re not dating.”

“Yeah, I know, you feel the need to reinforce that every week or two.” Benny chuckles as Dean rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, but we’re not exclusive. I mean.”

“Is this your really awkward way of trying to tell me that you slept with someone?” Benny questions as transfers the perfectly crisped bacon to the pan with the eggs and brings the one frying pan to the table to load up their plates. Dean huffs and moves the warmed biscuits onto a plate and grabs the butter from the fridge.

“I didn’t.” He says petulantly as he puts down the plate and the stick of butter, the honey already on the table. “But I could have.”

“Okay.” Benny says as Dean shuts his mouth quickly, expecting a different response. “What?”

“Nothing!”

“ _What?_ ” Benny sighs and shakes his head, laughing quietly as he sits. “Was that the wrong answer?”

“No.” Dean says with a bit more bite than he’d intended.

Benny rests his chin on his hand and looks at Dean like he’s a riddle. “You know, I don’t fuckin’ get you, Dean.” He says, torn between amusement and exasperation. “You continually insist we’re not a couple. Then you ask if we’re exclusive and get pissy when I tell you I’m fine with you seein’ other people. So’s it a goddamn trick question or what? You want me to be jealous and make a scene?”

“No. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.” Dean says defensively as Benny smirks and picks at his eggs. “And that it’d be a possibility for me.”

“Whatever makes you happy, cher.” Benny says with a gentle huff.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Would you see anyone else?”

Benny shakes his head in frustration and puts down his fork. “Is that what you want me to say? That I’ll start seeing other people too?”

“No. I don’t know. Whatever you want.” Dean snaps as Benny sighs and chuckles at the absurdity of their conversation.

“Fine, then yes, should the opportunity come up, I will certainly take them up on the offer, okay? _Happy_?”

“Yeah.” Dean says with a huff as Benny laughs.

“Okay? Can we go back to breakfast now?”

Dean rolls his eyes and stabs at his eggs. “I was just trying to make sure we were on the same page.”

“It’s appreciated.” Benny chews a mouthful of eggs before crunching on a slice of bacon. “So is that why you were in such a funk?”

“What? No. I’m tired, I told you.”

“So why didn’t you sleep with them?”

Dean concentrates on buttering his biscuit and slathering it with honey. “Didn’t feel like it. Figured I’d make sure first.”

“Okay then.” Benny smirks and shakes his head.

 

They eat breakfast and clean up mostly in silence. Benny goes out in the yard to play with the dogs, and Dean sits out on the back porch with his coffee and a cigarette, Nana at his feet basking in the sun. After a while Benny comes back to the porch and wipes the sweat from his brow on the sleeve of his sweatshirt before taking a cigarette from Dean’s pack on the seat beside him.

“Did you just want to hang around or did you want to do something?”

Dean nods and gets up, stepping around Nana.

 

They get dressed and head down to the Willamette River and hang around one of the nearby parks before heading to a Mexican gourmet hot-dog cart for lunch that Dean’s skeptical of until the first bite. By the time they make it back to Benny’s place the tension of their somewhat argument has faded.

They settle in for the evening and go back to Netflix and leftovers, something that feels entirely too domestic for Dean, but he doesn’t mention it.

Getting ready for bed, too early for Dean’s taste but Benny does have to be up at 4:30 after all, is like an easy routine and Dean should be terrified by all of this, but instead he’s just…oddly _content_.

 

Benny’s in bed before him, half under the covers, idly channel surfing while Dean wanders around, putting his dirty laundry into a plastic bag, rearranging his duffel, brushing his teeth and killing time. When he finally comes to bed, Benny looks over at him and sighs.

“Look, I didn’t mean to be a dick earlier. But I meant it, whatever makes you happy is fine with me. Just be safe about it, okay?” He smiles and Dean rolls his eyes.

“I’m always safe.”

“I know, just reinforcing it. If you want, or need to see other people, that’s fine, but, I’m happy with just this.” Benny says, so earnestly that Dean has to look away before the warmth sinks in. He can’t help smiling though as he swallows down the truth that’s threatening to escape, the reciprocation that terrifies him beyond compare.

Instead he kisses Benny gently, feeling the scruff of his beard under his fingertips.

“Goodnight.” Dean says quietly, lips close enough to feel Benny smile.

“Sweet dreams, cher.” He drawls as they share a few more slow kisses until Dean turns away and lays on his side.

 

Tuesday brings back more routine, Dean sleeping in and stopping by the restaurant for breakfast and his order ticket. Benny’s neat scrawl directs him to a vintage record store run by an old dude who spends the slow morning telling him about Woodstock and Led Zeppelin’s first concert in the States and debate whether or not Zepp stole the guitar riffs from Spirit for Stairway to Heaven.

He stops at a food truck Benny suggested for empanadas before heading home to let the dogs out and read on the back porch, soaking up the pre-autumn sun and cooling breeze.

 

Benny comes home later than usual, looking a bit ragged, dumping his bag by the front door and shedding his coat.

“Hey.” Dean says, smiling as he comes inside, shutting the door behind him and heading to him.

“You okay?” He asks as Benny winces as his sleeve catches on the gauze rolled around his thick forearm.

“Yeah, just a long day.” He smiles slightly and hangs his coat in the closet before trudging over.

“We got slammed pretty much right after you left. Caught myself on a hot pot, Tessa nicked herself, Pam broke a half dozen dishes by accident, almost ran out of food.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “I had Tess and Garth covering the kitchen while I ran out to restock and spent the rest of the afternoon prepping for tomorrow. Kind of floored…haven’t had a day like that in a while.”

“That’s what happens when you’re good.” Dean smiles and gives him a brief kiss. “I ordered Thai about 20 minutes ago, why don’t you go shower and get changed.”

Benny groans happily at the thought of a hot shower and leans against Dean wearily. Dean laughs and kisses the little patch of gray in his beard on his chin.

“Think you can manage on your own?” He teases as Benny nods slowly and presses a kiss to Dean’s neck.

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a bit.”

“Take your time, it’s just noodles and stuff, we can reheat it.”

 

Dean lets the dogs back in after carefully measuring out their food into their bowls and doing his best to avoid the feeding frenzy that follows. He lets them back out after to do their business and enjoy the last of the dusk and cleans up the kitchen. The food arrives before Benny makes it downstairs and Dean finds a few bowls and utensils and sets up dinner and a couple of beers on the coffee table in the living room.

When Benny comes down in a pair of worn out sweats and a Saints hoodie that’s seen better days he stops in the kitchen to root around in one of the cabinets for a bottle of Advil, taking a handful with a swig of water from the tap. He finds his way back to the living room and sits heavily on the couch, not moving until Dean hands him a bowl filled with shrimp pad thai.

“Thank you, darlin.” He drawls as he mechanically lifts a noodle laden fork to his mouth.

They eat in relative silence, the local news on in the background. Benny asks Dean about his day and Dean happily carries the conversation, telling him about the guy from the record shop and his spectacular lunch, and the cool weird things he’d seen in between. Benny smiles softly and rests his fork in his empty bowl.

“I’m glad you had fun.” He says before chuckling softly. “Sorry I’m not much company today, kinda ruining your trip.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dean smiles and stops him when he goes to take his bowl to the kitchen. “I’ve got it. Relax.”

“Thanks.” Benny sighs softly as Dean snags his bowl and cleans up the remnants of dinner.

 

Dean takes everything to the kitchen and washes the dishes and puts away the leftovers before letting the dogs back in, stepping out of the way of the stampede as they run into the living room.

“Incoming!” He says as their nails clack against the hardwood before the two heavy thumps and happy whines and barks start, muffling an _oof_ from Benny. Dean comes back to find Tank and Jacks on top of Benny’s lower half, snuggled up and Nana on the floor with her head resting on the sliver of couch by Benny’s chest, with Benny’s hand gently petting her head. He can’t help but smile as he fights his way back to the couch and into his spot, letting Benny lean against him, his head on Dean’s stomach.

Dean channel surfs and settles on a Dr. Sexy rerun until Benny’s breathing evens out and his hand on Nana’s head twitches reflexively out of habit.

“C’mon, can’t sleep on the couch.” He says as Benny grunts. “You wanna hurt twice as bad when you wake up? Come on…” He coaxes as Tank and Jack raise their heads to look at him, giving him the literal puppy dog eyes. “You too, you big brutes, time for bed.”

A chorus of whines erupts until Benny slowly sits up and gives each of the boys a good scratch on the head. “ _Fais do-do.”_ He tells them gently, accent thick as they huff and scamper off to their room.

He leans down and kisses the top of Nana’s head and rubs her ears and cheeks, letting her snuffle into his beard and nuzzle his chin. “Okay, girl.” He tells her, prompting her to make her way to her loveseat and snuggle down with her blanket.

They make their way upstairs and Benny crawls into bed while Dean gets undressed and goes through his nightly routine.

Benny’s half asleep and relaxed by the time Dean slides in under the covers.

“You okay?” Dean asks as Benny nods.

“Yeah. But since this trip’s been all about honesty hour, feels like a good time to mention that I’m very open to the idea of you fucking me every once in a while too.” He shows a hint of teeth as he grins and Dean chuckles as the heat from the mental image zips down his spine.

“Next time, okay?” He says as Benny hums in approval and Dean settles down beside him.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 11.

 

Dean keeps his promise the next time he visits, pressing Benny to the bed and working him open with slick, deft fingers until he’s shaking, his cock leaking all over his furred, rounded belly. Dean loves watching the color blossom on his cheeks and spread down his neck and chest as he pants and hangs on to the last bits of composure. Benny’s always been quieter, all soft murmurs, growls, and grunts, but gradually his noises increase in volume as Dean’s cock slides in. Dean grips the solidness of his hips and works into his rhythm, slow and gentle, easing Benny into it until he’s begging, skin flushed hot and accent syrup thick as his huge hands cup Dean’s ass, his thick fingertips dimpling the firm flesh.

“Please, cher.” Benny moans, head craned back as he pants until Dean thrusts turn hard and fast, quick snaps of his hips that have him seeing stars.

Benny’s cock lies heavily on his belly and all it takes is a few pumps from Dean’s fist closing around him to come. His body tenses and his hole clenches around Dean’s cock, dragging Dean over the edge with a choked out scream.

Dean pulls out after a few moments and removes and ties off the condom before leaning down to take Benny’s softening cock into his mouth to catch the pearls of cum at the head. He smiles as Benny moans loudly and swipes his tongue through the creamy pool on his belly, feeling the muscles still trembling from exertion.

“Thank you, darlin.” Benny drawls, voice hoarse as Dean hovers over him, kissing his heated cheeks and the scruff on his chin. “Think I needed that.” He chuckles as Dean kisses him, allowing him to taste himself in his mouth.

“Glad you asked.” Dean smirks as Benny groans at the racket the dogs are making downstairs. “They’ll quiet down eventually.”

 

And Benny thanks him the next time he visits by rimming him until he’s a trembling mess, rubbed raw by his stubble. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12.

 

Sam calls Dean a few weeks later in a tizzy over tuxedos and how they all need to have a trip to secure the rentals. Dean doesn’t feel the need to mention anything about his standing weekend visits to Benny and just readily accepts.

Dean spends his time doing his best to avoid his father and stepbrother by volunteering to help check in with the venue and of course, the caterer.

He leans against the wall in the alley behind _Adelaide_ and takes a slow drag on his cigarette.

“You seriously gonna ditch your folks all weekend?” Benny asks, his own cigarette bobbing between his lips as he rubs the back of his neck to try and ease the tension.

“Yeah, of course. My goal is to see them as little as possible until Thanksgiving, when I am forced to be in the same room as them for more than two hours.” Dean shrugs and Benny shakes his head, exhaling a stream of smoke and tapping the ash onto the pavement.

“Don’t you live in their backyard or something?”

“Only technically. The barn’s like near the back of the property. It’s not like they can ask me for a cup of sugar from the back porch.”

“I still can’t get over that you live in a fucking barn.” Benny laughs, taking a sip of his diet coke from the plastic cup that had been resting by his feet.

“Shut up. Where the hell else am I gonna live for like 200 bucks a month? And it’s all redone. It barely even looks like a barn. Except that I kept the bay doors on when we restored it.”

“So, you’re gonna go try on tuxes by yourself?” Benny asks as Dean nods. “What are you going to do without people to tell you how pretty you are?”

Dean shoves him playfully as he stamps out his cigarette. “Well you should be done here by the time I head over there, you can pop in and drool over how hot I am.”

“Mmm, tempting. Send me the info for the shop.” Benny says, discarding his spent cigarette in the overflowing coffee can by the door.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Dean asks as Benny stands and smirks.

“Something different.”

“Oh? What flavor of different?”

“You’ll see.”

“Is it kinky?”

Benny rolls his eyes and laughs. “No.”

 

 

Dean is relieved when he receives the message from Sam that they’re going to go shopping with Kate, leaving him to try on tuxedos in peace. He lets them measure him and play dress up until they’re happy—Sam having left them explicit instructions no doubt.

He’s in the fitting room when he hears Benny’s distinct accent in the front of the shop.  

“Hey, I’ll be out in a minute, Benny.” He calls out, adjusting the buttons at his wrists and slipping into the suit jacket. He straightens his bowtie and his cowlick before exiting the fitting room and stepping into the main room. “So, what do you think?” He asks, as Benny fumbles mid-sentence in his small-talk with one of the shop assistants and does a double take.

“I…uh…Wow.” Benny clears his throat and keeps staring as the salesgirl smiles and politely steps away.

“You’re catching flies.” Dean teases, tugging on Benny’s beard.

Benny laughs and swats his hand away, still staring. He licks his lips and reaches out to tweak his bowtie. “You clean up nice, Winchester.” Benny drawls as Dean smiles a little bashfully.

“Really? I don’t know about it. I hate wearing monkey suits.”

“No, you look real good, Dean.” Benny tells him, letting his fingers graze against Dean’s neck.

“Hmm, should snag me a couple of bridesmaids at the reception, huh?” He grins cheekily to brush off the genuine tenderness on Benny’s face and takes a step back to the dressing room. “Maybe I’ll let you unwrap me after though.”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll lose your deposit?” Benny asks as Dean starts unbuttoning his shirt.

“Pretty sure it’d be worth it.” Dean says, heading into the fitting room. “Oh, hey, do you wanna grab a late lunch, or early dinner…whatever? I’m starving. Or is food part of your plans for tonight?”

“No, we can get something.” Benny says, leaning against one of the decorative columns.

“So, you sure our plans for tonight aren’t kinky?”

“I don’t think so, but I can never tell with you.” He chuckles as he listens to Dean change back into his jeans.

“So not kinky, not food? What is it?”

“You’ll find out.”

“Well, can you at least give me a dress code?”

“Layers, dress in layers.”

“What the hell kind of answer is that?”

Benny rolls his eyes as Dean emerges from the fitting room again looking only slightly less stunning than before. The attendant swoops in to take the garments from him and they follow her to the front store to finalize the rental reservation.

Dean winces as she tells him the total and reluctantly hands over a credit card.

“I guess lunch is on me?” Benny says, nudging him gently and getting only a groan.

 

 

They head to a food cart pod and eat a very late lunch of barbeque out of Styrofoam containers at a park bench before parting ways with an agreement to meet up later. Dean reluctantly meets up with his family until they decide to break for dinner.

“Well where do you want to eat, Dean?” Kate asks as they hover outside a boutique in the cooling air.

Dean shakes his head and takes a step back. “I’m not coming, I have something to do.”

Sam frowns at him and gives him a watered down version of The Look, but Sam’s never had a problem fitting in with them. “Are you sure? I owe you dinner at least for taking care of all the errands today.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s my job as best man, Sammy.” He smiles as Adam smirks at him.

“Let me guess, you have a date with some stripper named Candi?”

Dean shrugs noncommittally and watches Kate make a face and John scowl at him. “Maybe. Or was it Brandi? Cherry? No, no, Champagne, I think it was Champagne.” He grins as Kate makes a disgusted sound.

“Knock it off, Dean.” John snaps as the smile fades from his face. “You’re coming to dinner, this is a family trip, now let’s go.”

Dean looks at his watch and shakes his head, knowing he’s supposed to be at Benny’s in an hour. “Uh, no, I’m not. Sorry. Maybe next time.” He laughs as John starts turning red and just turns around and heads towards where he parked the impala.

 

He goes back to the hotel to change quickly, remembering Benny’s suggestion about layers and makes it to Benny’s only 15 minutes late and with only a half dozen scathing voicemails and requests from Sam for him to come back.

Benny answers the door in a wool coat over his thermal shirt.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks when he catches the slight furrow to Dean’s brow as his phone chirps again.

“Fine. Family drama.”

“Do you need to go?” Benny questions as he tips Dean’s chin and makes Dean look at him. “It’s alright if you gotta go.”

“Fuck no.” Dean shrugs away and scans behind him, seeing a two medium sized travel coolers packed. “Besides, I really want to know what you have up your sleeve.”

Benny chuckles and nods. “Alright. C’mon, I’m driving.” He says, nudging him back out the door and handing him one of the coolers.

Dean grimaces as he eyes Benny’s gray and white rust stained truck. “You sure that even starts?”

“Don’t you dare sass Louise.”

“You named your truck Louise?” Dean scrunches his nose as he does a 360 tour around the truck, kicking the tires gently and picking at the paint.

“Why not? And technically Pam named her.”

“How old is _Louise_ anyway?” He asks skeptically as Benny rolls his eyes and throws his cooler behind the bench seat, gesturing for Dean to get in.

“I’ve had her since I left Louisiana. She got me from there to here ‘bout ten years ago and is still kickin’ so knock it off.” Benny tells him, lacking any real annoyance as he gets behind the wheel and Dean finally gets in.

The truck makes a horrible grinding whine as Benny makes his first attempt to start it.

“That’s painful. Can I please pop the hood next time I’m here and see what I can do to fix her? If this was an animal it would have been put down to put it out of its misery.” Dean groans and turns the dials for the heat, only to have nothing happen. “Oh my god, this is like vehicle abuse. Are you sure we’re going to be able to get back?”

Benny ignores him as he finally gets the truck to start and pulls out of the driveway. He lets Dean carry on, amused at his tirade until Dean nudges him when they get on the Interstate.

“Where are we going?”

“Told you, it’s a surprise.”

“Is this where I find out that you’re a hot serial killer and you’re taking me to your torture cabin so you can taxidermy me for your trophy room?”

Benny laughs and merges into the left lane once he’s up to speed. “No. Not a serial killer, darlin, sorry to disappoint.”

“Good. Is this where you come out as like a closet actual lumberjack?”

Benny takes his eyes off the road for a minute to shoot him a look, still chuckling. “You’re an odd duck, Winchester.”

Dean grins and rubs his hands together to keep them warm. “Yeah, but it hasn’t stopped you yet.” He says as Benny smiles and fishes a thermal pocket warmer out of the cup holder and hands it to him.

 

After about forty minutes of driving, Benny pulls into a state park and navigates up a series of hills.

“You sure that you’re not going to murder me and ditch my body in the woods?” Dean asks as Benny shakes his head and parks the truck in a dim, paved lot, surrounded by a few other cars.

“No, darlin’, still not an axe murderer, or a lumberjack for the matter.” He answers, killing the ignition and getting out.

Benny rounds up the cooler on his side of the cab, while Dean grabs his, and goes around to the back of the truck, pulling down the tailgate. Inside is an oversized canvas tote stuffed with two neatly rolled blankets, and another with a few cushions.

“Thought you said this wasn’t a kinky adventure.” Dean grins, bumping up against him as he takes the bag with the pillows.

Benny smirks and leads the way to a cleared field where a few other couples and families are camped out on the grass.

 

Benny stakes out a spot a comfortable distance away from the others and lays down the larger of the two blankets. Dean joins in and tosses down the pillows and sits anxiously as Benny opens up the coolers and hands him a small insulated container.

“Don’t get too excited, there just leftovers from the café.” Benny tells him, handing over a fork as Dean twists off the lid to reveal an oversized scoop of what he thinks is macaroni and cheese, squinting at the contents in the moonlight.

Benny settles down beside him with a muffled groan as his joints protest and screws off the lid on his own container.

“So…” Dean says, poking at the cavatappi pasta with his fork, looking around.

“So?” Benny echoes as Dean squirms against the pillow he’s sitting on, trying to get comfortable.

“What is this?”

“You mean the mac and cheese?” Benny says as Dean huffs.

“No. _This_.” He says, waving his hand at the dimming sky, and the clearing, and the other people.

“Well, every now and then, I find it nice to remember that there’s shit outside the city.”

“This feels an awful lot like a date.” Dean accuses, feeling unbearably conflicted between hoping he says yes and hitching a ride back to Portland.

“Nah, cher, you’ll know it when it’s a date.” Benny smiles at him with a hint of teeth before digging in to his noodles. Dean relaxes a tiny bit, but can’t quite ignore the twinge of disappointment. “I come here every once and a while to decompress. It’s nice to be able to see the stars. I used to sit out topside on nice nights when I was out at sea and test myself on the constellations.”

Dean nods and takes a bite, savoring the rich cream sauce and the smoky notes of bacon and roasted Poblano peppers. “Still. It’s kind of, you know, romantic.” He counters as Benny shrugs.

“Sorry?”

“So, if it was a date, hypothetically of course, what would the difference be?” Dean pushes as Benny raises his eyebrow at him.

“Well, probably ‘d bring something a little more fancy than leftover mac ‘n cheese,  maybe a good bottle of wine, or scotch, some candles maybe.” He drawls as Dean laughs and tucks his legs up closer to his body.

“ _Lame_.” Dean comments as Benny shrugs and chuckles.

“Well, good thing this ain’t a date then.”

“Exactly.” Dean huffs and digs in.

 

When they’re finished eating, the last traces of twilight have faded from the sky. Dean packs up the containers while Benny settles down on his pillows, arms crossed behind his head leisurely.

Dean scoots a little closer and rests his elbows on his knees and looks around, the other people reduced to dark shapes on a dark backdrop, up at the smattering of white dots and back to Benny.

“This is kind of boring.” He says after a few minutes making Benny chuckle.

“Well, it ain’t meant to be riveting, darlin.” He tugs at the hem of Dean’s leather jacket. “Lay down.”

“No way.” He hisses, looking around again as Benny huffs.

“For christ’s sake, Dean, no one gives a shit, they’re not paying attention to you and me.” Benny sighs as Dean grumbles and reluctantly lays down beside Benny, keeping a good half a foot between them. “Better.” Benny praises, looking back up at the stars.

“Still boring.” Dean mutters as Benny huffs out a laugh.

After 15 minutes of trying to make out the shapes in the darkness, he finally scoots closer to Benny, fitting up against his side.

“I’m cold.” He protests as Benny hums in quiet disbelief. He progressively gets closer, eventually resting his head on Benny’s shoulder and letting Benny’s arm drape around him.

Benny whispers about the constellations, pointing them out and tracing the invisible outlines with his fingers and shares stories of his time at sea. He tells Dean about Greece and the rest of the Mediterranean, and about the icy shores off Alaska, and the beaches of South America.  Dean shares about the summers he spent with his Uncle Bobby and how he’d taken Dean hunting in the Black Hills.

“I was a great shot for a 12 year old, I mean, I’m still a great shot, but I just couldn’t kill Bambi, man.” He laughs as Benny kisses the top of his head. “But it was gorgeous out there. And I might not have been able to kill it myself, but Bambi sure was good eats.” Benny chuckles and shakes his head.

“Fishing I could do, but I never was much of a hunter myself. We hunted cos we had to. A nice sized deer or hog went a long way when you were dirt poor, livin’ in a double wide. But I still never enjoyed it.”

“That’s coz you’re a big softie.” Dean grins and tilts his head up to kiss him.

“Probably, but honestly, it was more being lazy than anything. Too much work, too much mess.”

 

They stay and talk until the wind really starts to pick up and the hot cocoa Benny had packed is gone and no longer warming them against the chill, most of the people already gone. They’re both freezing by the time they pack up and get back into the equally cold truck.

“Really wished I’d saved that pocket warmer.” Dean grumbles, blowing on his hands and rubbing them together.

Benny’s nose and cheeks are red from the cold, illuminated by the light in the cab as they get settled. “I’m not so opposed to you trying to fix up my truck right now.” He admits as he starts the engine.

 

Benny gets them back to his place in decent time, the roads mostly free of traffic. Dean hops out of the truck and heads up the driveway to Benny’s surprise, grumbling at him to hurry up.

Benny follows and unlocks the door, hearing the dogs bark in their room as Dean sighs happily at the warmth of the living room.

Dean heads upstairs while Benny lets the dogs out of their room, taking time to greet them and be sniffed over before taking them out into the yard. He huddles on the back porch while they run off the pent up energy and remark their territory, lighting up a quick smoke before they trample up onto the porch to be let back in. He gives each of them a treat and a rub down with a baby wipe before letting them past the doorway (something Dean had been quietly pleased about).

The dogs charge through the kitchen and living room and up the stairs, Benny on their heels to hear Dean yelp in surprise.

 

Dean shoves off the enthusiastic boys and refuses to pet them until they settle, their rears still wiggling with the force of their wagging tails. He’s changed into a pair of flannel sleep pants that happened to have been left behind during one of his many weekend stays, a t-shirt, and Benny’s worn out Saints hoodie and notices the look of surprise Benny’s trying to hide at seeing him sitting at the foot of the bed. He’s glad Benny doesn’t question him, just gives Tank a noogie as he passes and heads into the bathroom. Dean unlocks his phone and ignores the half dozen new messages in favor of putting it on vibrate and plugging it in to the charger that had come around to stay during one of his first visits. Nana rests her chin on his thigh for attention while Jackson and Tank wrestle lazily on the floor.

Dean’s gently petting between Nana’s ears when Benny emerges and changes into mismatched pajamas.

Benny pulls back the covers on his side of the bed and gets in after plugging in his own phone while Dean gives Nana one final pet.

“Good girl.” He tells her quietly with a hesitant smile as she wags her tail.

He gets in bed and snuggles up next to Benny, still shivering from their chilly evening. Benny chuckles and faces him, tucking his arm around Dean’s shoulders and holding him close.

“I had a nice time.” Dean admits, lips quirking into a smile.

“Even if it was a bit too much like a date for your tastes?” Benny smirks as Nana whines quietly. “Okay.” He says, as Dean frowns.

“Okay what?” He asks as Nana hops up onto the bed and he makes a face. “No, no, not cool.” Dean whines as Benny lifts the covers for her to snake under and curl up against the small of Dean’s back.

“Oh, hush, it’s just a heating pad that snores.” He grins as Dean glares at him, already practically nose to nose.

“We do _things_ in this bed.” Dean hisses as Benny rolls his eyes.

“Well we ain’t doin’ them now, cher.” He chuckles as Dean huffs and feels Benny pat her flank, Nana’s tail thumping against Dean’s butt, causing him to squirm.

“Well we definitely aren’t going to now.” Dean counters, but can’t help but remark how warm she is and how the snuffly little breaths are kind of amusing.

Benny kisses him gently until his sour frown melts into a smile. “Goodnight, darlin.”

“Night.” Dean sighs, settling in with his face tucked into Benny’s chest, breathing in the lingering scents of his cologne.

The moment of peace is broken when two heavy, awkward weights tumble onto the tangle of their legs and Jacks and Tank join them on the bed.

“Oh, hell no.” Dean groans as Benny shushes him and kisses the top of his head.

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 13.

 

Benny’s alarm at quarter to four comes far too soon, but Benny kisses Dean’s temple gently and drags himself out of bed stiffly to get in the shower. Dean yawns and rolls over to find himself nose to nose with Nana who’s staring at him with sleep glazed eyes. He pets her ear lightly with his index finger and watches her twitch and let out a deep sigh.

Dean laughs quietly and gets up. “Yeah, I know, your life is _so_ hard.”

He strips out of most of his clothes and gets back into what he wore the night before, putting his pajamas in Benny’s hamper. He collects his phone and boots and heads downstairs to put the coffee on. Jackson and Tank hop off the couch and greet him in the kitchen, following him around until he finally scoops out their breakfast and fills their water bowls.

Dean peeks in Benny’s fridge and finds some eggs and cheese and sets to making breakfast.

Benny lumbers into the kitchen wearily, sniffing deeply. “What’s the occasion?” He rumbles, moving up behind Dean and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“TV tells me breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” He answers as Benny kisses the side of his neck while his omelet cooks. “Go fix your toast.” He tells him as he works the spatula under the edge of the frying egg.

“Thanks, darlin.” Benny tells him, kissing him once more before making a beeline for the coffee before throwing some bread in the toaster. “Want some coffee?”

“No, thanks.” He shakes his head and flips the omelet. “Gonna head back to the hotel and get a few more hours in.”

Benny lets Tank and Jackson out into the yard and watches them through the window as he supervises his toast.

Dean assembles him a sandwich and herds him to the table before setting out Nana’s breakfast and calling her down.

“Seriously, what a princess.” He scoffs affectionately as Benny smirks.

“What do you expect? She’s the boss around here.” He tells him as she slowly makes her way into the kitchen and stretches lazily before heading to her bowls.

 

They finish their breakfast and huddle together on the porch smoking while the dogs run around. And it’s so easy to imagine that it’s real domesticity. Dean even drops Benny off at the café, on his way back to the hotel to save him from taking the bus.

By the time he makes it to his hotel room, the unfamiliar bed feels too strange. Thankfully, he’s tired enough that he still falls asleep relatively quickly, even if he does kind of miss the collective snoring.

 

 

 

A few hours later, someone’s banging on his door, waking him abruptly from his sleep.

“Coming.” He grunts, dragging himself up and out of bed and stumbling to the door in his boxers and a t-shirt. A quick look through the peep hole shows him Sam glaring at the closed door. “Fuck.” He huffs before opening the door and getting out of the way.

“Where the hell were you?” Sam snaps as he pushes his way in and Dean shrugs and ambles over to the chair he’d thrown his jacket over.

“Out.” He answers as he fishes in his pocket for his cigarettes.

“Out? When the hell did you get in? I was up all night worrying.”

“Why? I told you I was going out.” Dean asks, leaning against the chair and fitting a cigarette between his lips.

“You can’t smoke in here.” Sam says, snatching it out of his mouth and slamming it on the desk. “What the hell is going on with you lately? You’re disappearing for days on end, you’re acting weird.” He shakes his head and fixes him with a stern look. “Are you in trouble? You have to tell me if you’re in trouble again.”

Dean laughs and smirks; it’s certainly not the type of trouble Sam would expect at least. “No. Sam, I’m fine.”

“Really? Because you always fucking say that. You act like this when you’re fucked up, Dean.”

“Whatever you say, Dr. Phil.” Dean scoffs as he tries to move past him, but Sam catches his arm.

“What the fuck is it going to be this time, Dean? Hacking into my bank account again to pay off some bookie? Getting arrested for hustling pool again? Getting drunk and almost killing yourself, or god forbid, someone else? Do I have to go on, Dean?” Sam asks, keeping hold of his bicep. “I am concerned, Dean. What’s going on?”

Dean jerks his arm away and crosses his arms against his chest. He swallows the lump in his throat and shakes his head. He avoids catching Sam’s eyes, because he knows the pleading look might actually tip him over the edge.

“I’m fine.” He repeats as Sam sighs.

“Are you back on the pills?”

Dean groans and moves away. “Jesus, Sam, I was eighteen and bored, not a junkie.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing! I am _fine_. Why is it so fucking hard for you to believe I’m not in trouble? That I’m not fucking up for once?” He snaps, giving in to the anger that comes so easily.

“Okay. Okay.” Sam puts his hands up and sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I really am worried though, Dean, you’re 32, you can’t keep living like this. Don’t you want to even think about settling down? You were so close with Lisa.”

Dean flinches and feels his stomach flip. “You know what, Sammy? Not everyone wants the white picket life that you do. So just butt the fuck out. I’m so sick and tired of you and Dad and the rest of them always judging me.”

“Dean—“

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Dean says, shaking his head. “Please get out. I was out all night and I’m fucking tired, alright? Just go.”

“Fine.” Sam sighs and hesitates at the door. “Will you just promise to tell me if you’re actually in trouble?”

“Yes, for fuck’s sake, yes, you will be my first fucking call when I really fuck up, okay?” He gently shoves Sam out the door and shuts it behind him, unable to shake the turbulence in his gut.

 

 

Dean showers and packs before heading out earlier than anticipated. He texts Sam to let him know to avoid another confrontation and calls Benny, hoping to get him in the moment of peace between breakfast and lunch.

“Hey, everything alright?” Benny answers, the sounds of the kitchen in the background, mingling with the rhythmic thud of his knife on the cutting board.

Dean doesn’t say anything for a moment, just swallows hard and merges onto the interstate. “Yeah.” He says, bringing the impala up to speed and getting into the left lane to put more miles between himself and Portland.

“Okay?” Benny questions carefully, the sounds of his chopping slowing to a stop.

“Hey, uh, I’m heading out.” Dean tells him, hearing him call Garth over to take over prep, and the door to the alley swing open.

“Alright. You sure you’re okay?” He finally asks as Dean sighs and slams his foot on the gas, listening to the engine rev.

“Yeah. I just need to, I don’t know.” He sighs as the click of Benny’s lighter and a cigarette crackling comes through the line.

“No, I don’t know.” Benny tells him as Dean grips the wheel tighter. “Did I do something?”

Dean lets out a short laugh. “I just need some space.”

“So, that’s not a no.” Benny rumbles, undoubtedly breathing out a cloud of smoke.

“Benny.”

“Look, I’m sorry if last night wasn’t your style, I just thought it might be okay to do something different.”

“It’s not.” Dean sighs and maneuvers around a Winnebago driving far too slow for the left lane. “Just. I need some space, okay? I’ll call you in a few days.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Benny says, sounding a little defeated and even a bit skeptical over the line. “Drive safe, okay?”

“Yeah.” Is all Dean can manage before hanging up and slamming his fist down on the steering wheel. “Fuck!” He shouts, unable to shake the hurt in Benny’s voice.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 14. 

 

He drives all day, heading south on I-84 until night falls and weariness overcomes him. He sleeps it off in a rest stop, parked beside a semi. He stocks up on Monsters and trail mix from the vending machines and splashes some cold water on his face from the tap in the men’s room before heading out again. He keeps going for another day before deciding on a destination.

He reaches Austin and checks into a rundown motel just outside the city limits and sleeps for nearly a day after driving for nearly 3 days straight, stopping only for quick breaks and to get some cash hustling pool at sleazy bars off the interstate.

 

He checks in with Sam to allay his concern before spending a week drinking until the turbulent storm in his chest dies down and filling the emptiness left behind, fucking anyone who shows interest.

 

He checks his messages as he smokes at the foot on the rickety bed while the waitress from the bar the night before sleeps it off a few feet away. A few voicemails from Sam, one from Jess, one from Charlie, two from the other bartenders at the bar he’d been working at, and one from the bar owner.

His laughing wakes the young woman who pushes herself onto her side and rubs her eyes.

“What’s so funny?” She asks, frowning as he flicks ash in the direction of the coffee cup serving as his ashtray. He takes one last drag and drops the butt in the cup, watching it sputter and hiss as it drowns in the slurry of ash and stale coffee. He stows the mug on nightstand and lays back beside her, still chuckling.

“Just got fired.” He explains, smirking as she raises her eyebrow.

“Guess that’s a good thing?”

“One less thing holding me down.” He shrugs as she huffs out a laugh.

“Mmm, you say that, but the well’s gonna run dry sooner rather than later.”

“Who cares.” Dean shrugs and traces his fingers down her side and over the curve of her hip. “I’m living in the moment for the time being.”

She laughs and shakes her head before leaning down to kiss him when his fingers brush against the meeting of her thighs.

 

 

Of course, she’s right and his carefree attitude begins to wane when the first low-balance alert message hits his phone.

He’s starting to filter through options when the phone rings, displaying Bobby’s contact information.

“Hello?” He answers cautiously, anticipating a lecture.

“It’s Bobby,” He says, like Dean doesn’t have caller ID, making him smirk. “What have you been up to? Ellen and I haven’t heard from you in a while.” It’s gentle, as far as his usual reprimands go. Bobby had always been subtle, Ellen less so, but somehow it had never felt oppressive coming from them.

“Sorry, really. I’ve been kind of busy.”

“Busy is good. Did you find a job?” He asks as Dean laughs and shakes his head to the empty motel room.

“No, uh, I was just filling in at a bar by Dad’s, but, that’s over now.”

“Uh huh.” Bobby doesn’t question him, though he probably read between the lines easily enough. “Well, if you’re interested I could use a hand around the yard before winter hits, and Ellen won’t stop naggin’ my ear off about you comin’ to visit.”

He smiles and feels some of the weight lift. “Yeah? That’d be okay.” He says as Bobby grumbles in agreement. “I can be there tomorrow, maybe the day after if I get held up.”

“You’ll get here when you get here. I’ll have Ellen make up the guest room. Give us a call when you get close.”

“Alright, thanks, I could use a break.”

“Break? I’m gonna work you like a mule and pay you with a bed to sleep in and some of Ellen’s cooking.” Bobby chuckles as Dean can’t help but smile.

“I could use that too.” 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 15.

 

And Bobby isn’t joking. Half an hour after he arrives, Bobby has him clearing junk out of the salvage yard and into the bed of an old pickup that he’s too busy to have remind him of Benny’s. By the time he makes it to supper, he’s nearly falling asleep in Ellen’s meatloaf and barely makes it upstairs and into bed.

 

A few days of hard labor is honestly a refreshing change of pace, despite the aches, pains, and his slight concern over when his last tetanus shot was.

 

By the end of day three, he’s not crawling up the stairs to pass out, and sits out on the back porch with Bobby while Ellen does the dishes. He sips his beer and lights a cigarette, breathing in the chilly air. Bobby looks over his shoulder before taking Dean’s pack and shaking out a cigarette.

“Shut your mouth.” Bobby warns as Dean smirks and hands over his lighter.

“Thought you quit years ago.”

“Nothing wrong with one every now and again.” He argues as Dean leans back against the back of the bench. “You doing better now?”

“Yeah.” Dean answers honestly as Bobby chuckles.

“Good, and if Ellen asks, we talked about it.”

Dean laughs and nods, inhaling deeply on his cigarette, feeling it warm his chest. “You and Ellen took a long while to get together right?”

Bobby shoots him a look and nudges up the brim of his cap to scratch at his forehead before pushing it back down. “Well, it was complicated. Bill, Ellen, and I were friends before he died, Jo was just a little girl…Timing was wrong for a long while.”

“So, how did you know it was right?”

Bobby chuckles and shakes his head. “Ellen had invited me over for Sunday dinner for years, sometimes during the week too, and I always helped out around the house…So, Jo was about ten at the time, and she just stomps her feet while we’re all cleaning up supper and says flat out, are you gonna ask my mom out yet, or what?”

Dean laughs and shakes his head. “Really? That doesn’t sound like Jo at all!” He says sarcastically as Bobby smiles.

“We started talking about it after that. We’d been tiptoeing around it because of Jo, and since she’d given her blessing…”

“What if…what if Ellen didn’t have Jo, you know? Would you still have waited so long?”

“No, probably not.” Bobby fixes him with a look. “What’s this all about?”

“Nothing.”

“Got your eye on someone?”

“No!” Dean protests, wincing at how defensive it sounds. “Just curious. I don’t know. Sam and the whole wedding thing just has me thinking. I mean, how the hell do you know that someone’s The One, you know?”

“Well, you just do.” Bobby shrugs and takes another drag. “I hate that that’s the answer, and I could give you a whole load of sentimental crap, but, you just do.” Dean frowns and takes a long sip of his beer. “Of course, you have to have an open mind about it. If you’re constantly fighting it, all you’re gonna do is wind up confused.”

 

 

Dean lays in bed at the edge of sleep and lets himself think about Benny and his big hands, scratchy kisses, and tries to sort out the tangled mess in his head.

 

 

By the end of the week, the salvage yard is mostly cleared of debris, the valuable parts of the Junkers scavenged and stored in the barn, and the scrap carted off for the meagre recycling fees. Bobby tells him that they’re set for winter, but he’s more than welcome to stay if he’d like.

He politely declines and thanks them for their hospitality, to which Ellen swats him upside the head and gives him a tight hug telling him that he’s always welcome. Not for the first time, Dean almost wishes that his Dad had followed through with his plan to let Bobby raise them before he found Kate.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 16.

 

He texts Benny when he gets on his way early the next morning, telling him he can be in town by tomorrow if he wants him to visit. He keeps driving en route, fighting the sickly feeling hanging heavy in his gut as he waits nearly six hours for a reply. The stupid _“ok”_ finally settles his nerves for the time being until he pulls over at a rest stop and catches a few hours in the back-seat at a truck stop.

 

It returns when he pulls into Benny’s driveway the following afternoon. There’s no way to be subtle about his arrival with all three dogs barking at the fence and at least it prevents him from throwing the Impala and reverse and hauling ass in the opposite direction. He hoists his duffle on his shoulder and walks slowly up the path to the front porch, hesitating only a moment before knocking on the door.

 

Benny answers in jeans and a t-shirt, freshly showered from after a long day’s work, looking more haggard than usual.

“Hey.” Dean says, smiling widely, knowing it’s lacking some of his usual bravado.

“Hi.” Benny replies shortly, looking him over carefully as he steps back and lets him inside.

There are telltale signs around the house as well in the form of accumulated clutter.

 

Dean feels like he should say something, but nothing comes out as he hovers in the foyer, eventually setting his bag down by his feet. Instead, he moves into Benny’s space slowly, feeling the tension in his frame. He keeps getting closer, unable to ignore the dark circles under Benny’s eyes and the tightness of his mouth that he tries to kiss away.

It takes a few moments for Benny’s lips to part before he truly begins to relax into the kiss. Dean wraps his arms around his neck, feeling the tightness in his shoulders finally loosen as Benny’s huge hands grip his hips.

They stumble upstairs, shedding clothing as they go, finally making it to Benny’s bedroom. It’s not gentle, but somehow it’s still tender as Benny’s fingers bite into the meat of Dean’s hips, and the kisses turn bruising. Dean lies back on the bed and allows Benny to cover him, the comfortable familiarity of his weight against him as thick, slick fingers work him open. Dean’s shaking by the time Benny’s cock presses in, unable to shake the feeling of vulnerability when he meets Benny’s eyes, feeling his hands close around his face. Benny kisses him slow and deep as he begins to thrust, eventually moving to kiss his neck as he picks up the pace. Dean’s close to begging as teeth nip at his tender throat, soothed by a swipe of Benny’s tongue before he shifts and fucks into him harder.

“Don’t stop.” Dean groans, one hand grabbing at Benny’s thigh and the other wrapped tight around his shoulders to keep his face at his throat.

One of Benny’s hands slips between them and closes around Dean’s cock, stroking him in time with his movements.

Dean can only make out every few words of what Benny’s muttering while he marks the junction of his neck and shoulder.

Dean tenses up as he comes after Benny’s teeth scrape roughly against the bruise, while the head of his cock continually rubs against Dean’s prostate. Benny’s hand works him through it as he continues to thrust into him until he finally follows. Dean can feel the tremors running through him as he remains hunched over him, face still hidden in the crease of Dean’s neck. Dean releases his vicelike grip from his side and gently runs his hand up and down Benny’s spine, feeling him groan against his chest.

 

 

 

After a few minutes Benny finally pulls out and removes the condom, ties it up and wraps it up in a tissue before placing it on the nightstand and flopping bonelessly next to Dean.

“Don’t ever fucking do that again.” Benny says after a few more moments, still winded, voice husky.

“Uh, do what? You did most of the doing.” Dean laughs and turns to look at him with a smirk that fades when he catches the openness and lingering traces of hurt on Benny’s face.

“You know what I mean.” He says, a little sharper than intended. “Don’t you fucking dare disappear on me like that again. I know I don’t have much of a leg to stand on here, I know this is just a fling, but Jesus, Dean, I’d like to think we’re at least friends.” Benny sighs and rubs his face on his forearm wearily and Dean’s throat gets tight.

“I.” Dean can’t find the words and Benny continues.

“Three weeks. Almost three fucking weeks, after your cryptic phone call and nothing else. And here I was afraid to even call because I thought you’d chew me out for being attached, or you were giving me the brush off coz it was over.”

“I’m sorry.” Dean manages, as Benny looks at him with a serious expression.

“I am fine with you needing space, but if this is going to continue, you need to tell me what’s going on…or, this is over.”

Dean nods quickly and swallows the lump in his throat. “I will, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t thinking.”

“I know you didn’t mean it, but I still spent three weeks wondering if you were dead in a ditch.” Benny tells him, looking exhausted and defeated.

“I’m sorry.” Dean repeats because he’s not sure what else to say, other than the mess that’s been in his head for months threatening to spill out.

“I almost called Sam. Twice.”

Dean winces and rolls over and fits himself against Benny’s side. “I’m sorry.” He says again, leaning in for a kiss before settling his head on Benny’s shoulder. “I had a fight with Sam. Not even a fight. Literally a somewhat hostile conversation about what a fuck up I am. I just needed to go prove them right apparently.”

“You’re not a fuck up.” Benny says as Dean huffs out a laugh.

“No offense, but you really don’t know me _that_ well.”

“Don’t have to.”

“Really? My response to the blow up was to high tail it out of here, go to Austin and spend a week drinking myself stupid and fucking anyone who looked twice at me, and got myself fired because I didn’t show up to work.” He gets up to move away but Benny’s arm drapes heavily around his shoulders.

“Alright, so maybe not the best coping mechanism but, it could be worse. It doesn’t make you a fuck up.”

“You’ll figure it out sooner or later.” Dean says as Benny kisses the top of his head.

They lay quietly until Benny’s stomach rumbles and they both laugh.

“Let’s go to dinner, my treat.” Dean says as they sit up and Benny shakes his head.

“Yeah, no, you just lost your job, you’re not buying me dinner.”

“Okay, fine, then I’ll cook for you, I’ll just raid your fridge.”

“Yeah…it’s kind of empty. Haven’t been exactly keeping up on housekeeping and shopping.”

“Then let’s go shopping, which you need to do anyway, and then I’ll make you something. Come on.”

“Alright, if you insist.” Benny says, dragging himself out of bed and towards the shower.

 

 When they finally make it downstairs, all three dogs are lined up at the door on the back porch, tails wagging eagerly.

Dean sighs and sits down on the kitchen floor and looks up at Benny. “Let them in, I deserve it.”

Benny chuckles and doesn’t argue, and just swings open the door to the back porch.

Tank and Jackson rush in, actually getting stuck as they both try and enter through the doorway at the same time, and barrel towards Dean, who to his credit only cringes, instead of ducking for cover. He does let out a shout of disgust as Tank shoves his nose in his ear and Jackson slurps at the side of his face. Nana comes up and settles in his lap, while Tank and Jackson sniff at Dean’s clothing. She rubs her nose against the center of his chest and Dean drops his hand on top of her head and scratches between her ears. After five minutes or so of Dean being sniffed, licked, pawed at, and examined with Benny leaning against the counter smirking, Tank and Jackson get bored and run off to explore the rest of the house.

“Ugh. I need another shower.” Dean shudders as Benny moves over so he can access the kitchen sink, turning the tap to hot and scrubbing up and down his arms and wiping at his face and neck with a dishtowel.

“You’ll live.” Benny comments as they head out.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 17.

 

Shopping with Benny isn’t terrible. It’s slightly more fun than shopping by himself, but is still at the end of the day pretty low on the excitement scale, even if there are some cool things that he’s never quite seen before. It feels weird having actual groceries (as opposed to chips, beer, microwave burritos, and frozen pizza) in the Impala’s trunk, but Dean does like the idea of having an actual kitchen to come home to.

 

Cooking with Benny isn’t bad either. He’s unobtrusive and lets Dean take the lead, chopping onions and garlic for Dean’s tomato sauce dutifully upon command. With the sauce simmering away on the back burner, Dean turns his sights to dessert.

 

Benny settles himself at the kitchen table with a beer, a snack, and some of the books for the Café. Benny watches Dean periodically, methodically slicing the pears he’d had been eyeing at the market until Benny had packed up a bag full.

“What are you making?” He asks after a while, as Dean pours a bag of almonds into his food processor. Dean only shrugs before starting up the motor and drowning out Benny’s chuckle.

Benny eventually lets him be and heads onto the back porch for a cigarette and to play with the dogs.

 

He’s sweating under his long sleeved shirt, with grass stains on the elbows from wrestling with the dogs, by the time Dean joins Nana on the bench on the porch. He thumps Tank affectionately on the belly before getting up as the large dog wriggles happily in the grass. He steps over Jackson, long since tuckered out and heads up to the porch.

“How’d it go?”

Dean shrugs and shoots him a shy smile before bringing his cigarette to his lips. “Okay I think?”

Benny swipes his thumb against a smudge of flour on his cheek and bends to kiss the top of his head. “We ready to eat now?” He asks as Dean nods and stubs out the butt in the planter at the foot of the bench.

 

Dean’s set the table with Benny’s good plates and piles them high with spaghetti coated with marinara sauce and topped with slices of Italian sausage and fresh grated parmesan. They eat like civilized people at the table instead of on the couch like they usually do.

Benny praises him and ends up going for seconds.

 

“So, what did you do after Austin?” Benny asks, twirling his fork in the mass of noodles.

“I, uh, I went to Sioux Falls to help out my uncle at the Salvage Yard. He needed a hand getting ready for winter. I’m still sore from all the lifting and shit.” Dean chuckles as he takes a bite of sausage. “It was good, though. Kind of helped clear my head.”

“That’s good. That’s the one you spent a few summers with? Who took you hunting?”

Dean nods, a little surprised that Benny remembered. “Yeah. It was good to see them, I think I missed them.”

“You consider goin’ out there to help them on a more permanent basis?”

Dean shrugs. “I could, I just don’t want to impose. They’ve finally got an empty nest with Jo all grown up. I feel like I’d just be in the way, you know?”

Benny nods and wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Did you ever think about what you would enjoy doing?”

Dean shrugs and pushes his pasta around on his plate. “I don’t know.”

Benny doesn’t push it, and changes the topic, sensing Dean’s discomfort.

 

 

By the time they’re doing the dishes, things are closer to normal, the lingering tension dissipated for the time being. They work together easily, Dean washing, Benny drying and putting everything back in its place.

 

They retreat to the couch with glasses of bourbon and start up The Walking Dead on Netflix, the dogs all passed out on the loveseat and the rug. After their first episode, Dean wanders into the kitchen and returns with two wedges of his concoction.

“So, what is it?” Benny asks, as he sinks his fork into the layers of sliced pear.

“Uh, the filling is pears, honey, uh, some nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger. The crust is butter, flour and crushed almonds.” Dean answers, poking at his self-consciously.

Benny savors his first bite before taking a second. “You know, this is really damn good.” He says as Dean shrugs and sits back, finally taking a bite.

“It’s nothing special.”

“Doesn’t have to be special to be good. I could easily put this in the café, you know that right?”

Dean looks up at him with a frown. “No you couldn’t.”  
“You seriously want to argue about this?” Benny asks with a smirk, before he takes another bite. “I mean, sure you might be a one trick pony and only be able to make pear tarts, but, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that’s not the case.” Dean huffs at him but Benny cuts him off. “Look, I’m just saying, have you ever considered it? Baking as a job? I know you’ve worked in a few restaurants, so you’re not a complete stranger to a commercial kitchen.”

Dean shrugs noncommittally and breaks off a piece of the crust. “I don’t know. I don’t even have a kitchen.”

“Well, you should be open minded and do something you enjoy. I’m not trying to preach, darlin, but I can tell you, it makes a difference.”

“I guess.”

“So, being completely serious here, how would you like a seasonal, very temp job?” Benny offers as Dean stares at him. “We do pies and cakes around Thanksgiving and Christmas, and after last year when Garth got the sugar and salt mixed up on the first batch, I’m a man down in the kitchen, and it’s mayhem. What do you think?”

“Do I get paid in pie?” Dean asks after a moment and Benny laughs heartily.

“If that’s what you want, sure.”

“Yeah, why not. It’ll be fun.” Dean smirks and stretches out on the couch, laying his legs across Benny’s solid thighs. “Hey, and speaking of holidays, what kind of turnout do you get for Halloween?”

“Halloween?”

“Yeah, that thing that’s less than three weeks away?”

“I don’t know? I usually just put a bowl out on the porch and shut the lights. Once or twice we did a Halloween party at the café, I think one year I went to a party at Ace’s.”

“That’s awful.”

“I take it you enjoy Halloween?”

“Well, yeah, I mean it’s fun. And it’s not like we ever got people where we were out in the boonies. Can I decorate your house?” Dean asks as Benny smirks and finishes off his dessert.

“I suppose…just nothing that the dogs can get into.” 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 18.

 

The next morning, Dean sleeps in. He lets the dogs out while he eats cold, leftover spaghetti for breakfast and uses Benny’s laptop left on the kitchen table to look up places to buy decorations. There’s a fifty dollar bill secured to the fridge with a magnet and a note: _“it’s my house, so I figure I should chip in. Happy Haunting…ha-ha. –B.”_

 

Dean spends the morning and half of the afternoon in and out of thrift shops and Halloween emporiums that have popped up in a handful of empty storefronts across town. He stops at a food cart serving up hand-held meat pies and gets two for the road, eating them on the way back to the car.

 

By the time Benny comes home, he’s sweaty and dirty, the porch adorned with fake cobwebs, a fake skulls hanging from the porch roof, the yard littered with tombstones, and mannequin parts.

“Someone’s festive.” He comments as Dean stands up from planting a severed hand in the dirt.

“Isn’t it cool?”

“It’s somethin’ alright.” Benny chuckles as Dean rolls his eyes and wipes his muddy hands on Benny’s shirt. “Hey!”

“Come here, look, so there was this one shop full of mannequins that was going out of business and gave me four for like 50 bucks because they were so old and nasty.” Dean grins and points to one of the dismembered plastic bodies and the hatchet nearby.

“I’d like to point out that you’re the one who accused me of potentially being a serial killer, yet here you are chopping up plastic people on my front lawn.” Benny comments fondly as Dean laughs and shrugs.

“I’m gonna hook one of them up with fishing line to the tree so it’s like a zombie.” He continues as Benny just nods and pats him on the shoulder.

“Holler if you need help, I’m gonna go shower. Do we got enough leftovers for dinner?”

“Yeah, just need to make some more pasta, there’s plenty of sauce left.” Dean replies, plotting what to do with his half a mannequin.

Benny makes it up the porch and almost trips on a box full of creepy dolls and various parts. “What the fuck is that?” He shouts as Dean grins from down the walkway.

“Got those from a thrift shop, aren’t they awesome?”

“No.” Benny stares at the box warily before kicking it with his boot. “Dolls stay in the box until Halloween.”  
“Spoilsport.” Dean jeers as Benny flips him off affectionately before heading inside.

 

Dean spends the evening making ‘specimen jars’ out of old mason jars and toys and, to Benny’s dismay, doll parts. The half a mannequin is currently posed crawling and clawing at the fence with its one arm, another is held up with fishing line from the outstretched branches of the tree in the front yard, and the other is suspended the same, in a tattered lace dress like a ghost. Benny just smiles and nods, happy to see Dean enjoying himself.

 

At least until Tank decides the pumpkin on the back porch resembles a ball too much and breaks it apart all over the deck. Dean learns that assisting in bathing a hundred pound big baby is not as easy as it seems and makes a note to put all pumpkins out of reach.

He passes out easily that night, curled up against Benny, who’s snoring on his left.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 19.

 

After another day, he regrettably heads home, knowing he has to show his face sooner or later.

Of course John is out in the yard working on his truck and blocks the way when Dean approaches.

“Where the hell have you been?” He snaps when Dean finally rolls down the window and shrugs easily.

“Around. I was at Bobby’s for a bit.”

His face softens slightly as he leans towards the open window. “Oh. Why wouldn’t you pick up the phone?” He demands as he shrugs again.

“Didn’t need to.”

“Dean, I’m getting sick and tired of this attitude, you’re a grown man, you need to start acting like one!”

“Really? Am I using you as a model, because if so, I’m doing just fine from what I remember before Kate.”

John fumes silently and Dean lets off the brake, making him step back as the car rolls forward to avoid getting his toes crushed.

 

 

 

He spends a few days huddled outside Home Depot in the cold, waiting to get picked up by the roaming construction crews for day labor. It’s not ideal, but it’s not horrible money and the hard work keeps his mind off everything.

He calls Benny on Thursday night and lets him know he won’t be able to come for the weekend, needing to build up some cash. Benny sounds neutral, though happy that he called to let him know.

They spend the evening talking about their week, about the work Dean’s been doing and how the café is holding up. Benny mentions hiring on a new cook to replace Tessa, who’d moved back to Seattle a month or two earlier.

They talk until  Dean’s phone is beeping its warning of low battery and he’s half asleep on the couch.

 

 

Halloween falls on a Saturday, so Dean packs up and heads to Portland on Thursday night, wallet a bit fuller from some steady work. The decorations are still in place he sees as he pulls into the driveway behind Benny’s truck.

Benny’s neighbors wave to him from where they’re trimming their hedges and he waves self-consciously before grabbing his duffle from the trunk and letting himself in the gate. He heads up the walk onto the porch and grins at the addition hanging from the porch rafter. A wind chime of old keys, feathers, and bones waves in the breeze, the metal of the keys clanking quietly.

“Thought you might like that.” Benny rumbles, standing in the doorway, propping open the screen door. “Did some oxtail stew last week and thought it was a shame to let them bones go to waste.”

“It’s pretty awesome.” Dean grins and grabs the frame of the screen door, swinging it wide so he can come inside. He kisses Benny easily, Benny’s hand anchoring at the small of his back. “Hey.” He says, kissing him again as Benny smirks.

“What, you miss me or somethin’?”

“Nah,” Dean brushes it off casually, but can’t quite drop the grin. “What’s for dinner? I’m starving. Can we go to that Korean barbeque place?”

“Sure.” Benny laughs softly and lets his hand slide away from his back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean groans at the sound of Benny’s alarm, and burrows his face between the pillow and Benny’s chest.

“Shut up.” He grunts at the annoying beeping, feeling the rumble of Benny’s laughter in his chest as he reaches over and hits the snooze button.

“Sorry.” Benny kisses the top of his head as Dean grabs at his t-shirt.

“You should play hooky.” He huffs as Benny makes a soft, disappointed noise.

“Don’t work like that when you’re the boss, darlin.” He explains, kissing Dean’s bare shoulder until he relaxes and bares his neck.

“This is very misleading.” Dean sighs as Benny sucks gently at his throat.

“Oh really?” He purrs as his hand slides down to grab Dean’s ass.

“Very. In about two minutes, the alarm is gonna go off again and you’re going to go shower.”

“You could always join me.” Benny suggests as Dean cracks open an eye and looks at the clock with the glaring red numbers spelling out too damn early.

“No thanks.” He huffs as Benny laughs and kisses his cheek noisily.

“Don’t say I didn’t offer.” He says, slowly getting out of bed, groaning as his joints protest.

“You sure you’d even be up for shower sex this early, grandpa? You sound like rice krispies when you move. You might break a hip.” Dean taunts as Benny swats his ass playfully.

“You’re gonna pay for that later.” Benny smirks as Dean grins up at him.

“Can’t wait.”

 

 

Benny, of course, comes home and drags Dean into the shower and proves him wrong, and spends the evening with a tiny smug smile in place.

“How you holding up?” He asks with a smirk as he carefully carves along the stencil on the pumpkin, the kitchen table covered in old newspapers and all three dogs sitting inquisitively at their feet.

“Shut up.” Dean grumbles, still a little weak in the knees from the surprisingly athletic shower sex earlier.

Benny chuckles and finishes cutting out the shapes before going to the sink full of pumpkin guts. He hums while he sifts out the seeds and lays them out on paper towels to dry. He heads to the spice rack and pours various seasonings into two small glass bowls and mixes them up. He splits the seeds into two batches and tosses each bunch with a different spice mix before throwing them in the oven on sheet pans.

“So, you planning on staying in town a few days after Halloween?” Benny asks, as Dean looks up from his pumpkin.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Good, I have something planned.”

“Oh?” Dean smirks and puts down his paring knife. “What kind of planned?”

“You’ll see.”

“This again? Is it more stargazing?”

Benny laughs and shakes his head. “No—well, stargazing is optional.”

“Okay. But don’t think I won’t get it out of you.”

“You can try.” Benny says, giving Tank a pat on the head.

 

 

 

Dean spends the next day, Halloween, touching up the decorations, and adding more gore to the mannequins. He sets up the creepy baby dolls on the porch and sets out their jack o’ lanterns. By the time Benny gets home a bit after four, he’s waiting in the foyer eagerly, surrounded by the dogs, holding a bowl of candy.

“Hey.” Benny chuckles and greets the dogs who come running, taking off his coat. “You know things don’t start happening until it gets dark.”

“I know that.” Dean says with a frown and rolls his eyes. “Which is stupid, by the way, because on a Saturday you should be maximizing your candy potential and going until you pass out. Kids these days…” He jerks away the candy bowl when Benny reaches for it and grins. “Ahem.”

“Trick or treat?” Benny tries as Dean laughs and hooks his finger in Benny’s belt loop and pulls him closer.

“Treat.” He says before he kisses him slowly.

They break apart after a few moments and Benny snags a Reese’s from the bowl.

“I’m gonna get changed.” Dean says, handing over the bowl and steps back, trying to avoid stepping on the dogs.

“Alright.”

“What about you? You’re not getting dressed up?”

“I’m a vampire, we look like everyone else.” Benny smirks as Dean laughs at him.

“Lumberjack vampire? Hot.”

 

Benny tends to the stew Dean has simmering on the stove and lets the dogs out to play while Dean changes. He smirks when Dean reenters the kitchen, dressed in secondhand scrubs with a toy stethoscope around his neck.

“Dr. Sexy, I presume?” Benny questions, seeing the scrubs tucked into a pair of ratty cowboy boots.

“Indeed, Nurse.”

“Nurse?” Benny scoffs and shakes his head. “Told you, darlin, I’m a vampire.” He says, backing him against the fridge and nuzzling at his neck, smelling his cologne.

“So, you gonna eat me?” Dean asks, sliding his hands up the back of Benny’s shirt.

Benny’s teeth scrape his neck, then kiss away the sting. “Maybe later, when there won’t be small children potentially ringing the doorbell.” He chuckles, kissing the underside of his jaw.

“Fair enough. Can you make biscuits?” He asks as Benny laughs and nods.

“How about I show you how?”

“You sure? That sounds pretty serious, sharing secret family recipes.” Dean questions, prodding him in the side as Benny raises his eyebrow and laughs.

“Not to burst your bubble, but it ain’t no secret to use frozen butter. Why else do you think there’s butter in there for?”

Dean shrugs and gets out the metal mixing bowl.

 

 

 

They hunker down on the couch with stew and biscuits, the rambunctious boys settled in their room with Kongs loaded with goodies, and Nana napping on her love seat in her princess costume that Dean had surprised her with.

They queue up their list of horror movies and start the movie marathon while they wait for the doorbell to ring.

The first comes at a little after six, a five or six year old girl dressed as a princess who stops to pet Nana and compare costumes before daintily selecting a Butterfinger from the bowl. She’s cute enough that Dean slips another piece into her bag while Benny chit chats with her parents.

 

The night picks up after that, groups of rowdy boys, giggling girls, fighting siblings, and Dean’s glad he stocked up on candy, but he’s unsure about how much they’ll have leftover to snack on later.

Dean looks up from handing candy out to a Storm Trooper, a Spiderman, and a cat to hear one of the mothers accompanying them talking with Benny easily.

“So, I know where you live now, awkward.” She laughs, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You have a lovely home.”

“Thank you, and honestly, I’m at the café more than I’m here.” He chuckles as Dean stands and adjusts Nana’s princess crown that had gotten knocked askew.

“Thanks for going all out on the decorations—Cayden has been dying to come here for weeks, we pass it on the way home from school every day.”

“Yeah! It’s awesome!” The Storm Trooper shouts, muffled by his mask.

Dean flushes and ducks his head as Benny nods and nudges him. “The decorations were all Dean, I’m not taking any credit for anything except the pirate pumpkin.”

“Thanks.” Dean mumbles, smiling a little as the mothers fawn and the kids trample down the steps and head to the neighbors.

“Well, it was really good to see you, we’ll probably be in to the café sometime later this week. Have a great night! Nice to meet you, Dean.”

Benny waves them off as Dean heads back in.

“She was cute.” Dean comments as Benny snorts and shuts the door.

“What? Jealous?” Benny asks as Dean shakes his head.

“No, just saying, she was totally flirting with you.”

“I don’t think so.” Benny says, heading back to the couch and unpausing the movie.

“She totally was.”

“Well, Captain Obvious, you missed the part where she said we were a cute couple.” Benny grins at him from the couch and Dean deposits the candy dish out of Nana’s reach.

“She did?”

“Yep.”

“Yet she was still all…”

“Nice? Yeah, not everyone’s an asshole, darlin.” Benny tells him, dragging him back onto the couch when he’s in reach.

Of course the doorbell rings a few moments later and Nana sits on the doormat, tail wagging, excited to be the official ambassador.

 

 

“You’re really good with kids.” Benny comments carefully as Dean closes the door after a mixed group leaves down the walkway.

“Really?” He shrugs and adds another bag of fun sized snickers to the mix.

“Yeah.”

“I…I took care of Sam a lot when we were younger, before my dad remarried.” He says, slowly returning to the couch, the movie remaining paused. “I…there was a really tense week where I actually thought I would be a dad.” He laughs nervously, unable to stop the words from pouring out. “My ex-girlfriend was a little late and we kind of panicked. It was a false alarm, but, I don’t know. Part of me was kind of…excited about the idea? I mean mostly terrified. But, a little part of me was almost a little disappointed.”

Benny nods in understanding and gently lets their shoulders knock together.

“Then of course, she started asking if we should think about moving forward with our relationship, so I went ahead and made it perfectly clear that that was a bad idea and took off. It’s really for the best. She married some doctor dude and they live in a big house and have like two BMWs.”

“That doesn’t mean you two couldn’t have been happy together.” Benny mentions as Dean shrugs.

“It’s better this way.”

Benny lets it go and sinks back into the couch. “Andrea and I talked about having kids. We were going to start trying right after the wedding.” He shrugs and fiddles with the remote. “I’m just glad we didn’t think about trying any sooner. I’d have hated for a baby to be stuck in the middle of that mess.”

“Well, for the record, she’s an idiot for letting you go.” Dean says quietly, clearing his throat to try and break up some of the tension of the moment.

“You’re just saying that coz you like me.” Benny teases and Dean pushes him affectionately.

“I don’t like you, I enjoy your company. There’s a difference.” He protests as the doorbell rings again and he gets up to grab the dish, Nana already on the mat.

 

They call it quits around midnight, Nana long since tired of her dwindling welcoming duties has passed out on her love seat. Dean smirks and carefully undresses her, the princess hat tipped forward like a unicorn horn, and the little pink tutu rucked up around her middle. He drapes her little blanket over her and glares at Benny who’s smirking at him from the stairs after he’s made his rounds and locked up and shut the lights.

“What?”

“Nothing, just trying to remember that you hate dogs.”

“Shut up. Your living room gets drafty okay?” He protests as he pushes past him and heads up the stairs first.

“Sure it does, darlin.” Benny chuckles as he follows.

 

They get ready for bed, sharing the sink as they brush their teeth. They trade off with the bathroom and get into pajamas.

“So, I’ll be home tomorrow around 3-3:30.”

“Oh? Are you revealing your secret plans?” Dean asks, sprawling out against the pillows as Benny smirks and tosses his clothing in the hamper, on top of Dean’s.

“Only because you need to pack a bag.”

“We’re going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Got a deal on a little weekend getaway at a cabin in Brightwood, about an hour away.”

“A cabin?”

“Like a house, not like camping cabin. Full amenities, I promise.” He chuckles as he pulls back the covers and gets in on his side of the bed. “It’s a cool place, I’ve been there a few times.”

“Oh? Is this like your special big move to impress me?”

“I went with the dogs last time…” Benny says, shaking his head and frowning. “Just thought it might be fun. So, leave tomorrow afternoon after I get home, pick up some supplies at the store on the way in? Then we have all day Monday, and come back on Tuesday, mid-afternoon.”

“Wow, that’s surprisingly like a vacation.”

“Well, it’s been a while and I’ve got the help at the moment. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Sounds fun.”

“Okay.” Benny smiles and settles down beside Dean. “Goodnight. It’s already way too late.”

“Eh, I think you can handle it.” Dean laughs and accepts the scratchy, minty kiss Benny plants on his chin, his aim off from the darkness of the bedroom.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 20.

 

Benny beams when Dean proudly announces that he’s fixed the heating and Benny crowds him against him the rusted side panel and kisses him right in front of the neighbors who are raking the lawn. Dean blushes and shoves him off nervously, jerking his thumb at the older couple.

Miryam, the wife, laughs loudly and fluffs the hedges at the fence.

“So bashful!” She grins at Dean and waves her hand dismissively. “When Simon and I were your age? Bah! We were inseparable! So young and in love!”

“Miri, you embarrass the boy!” Simon huffs as Dean smiles and throws his bags in the back of the truck.

“Of course, you were my age, what, last year, Miryam?” Benny asks, approaching the fence as she laughs and rolls her eyes.

“What, with you robbing the cradle and all?” She teases as Benny smirks and eyes Dean over his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, but in my defense, he’s not as young as he looks.”

“Hey!” Dean protests and swats at him as Benny grins and dodges easily.

 

 

 

 

 

Benny finds Dean out on the balcony off the bedroom and fits himself against Dean’s back and slips his hands, still cold from putting away the groceries and beer, up under the hem of Dean’s Henley, feeling him squirm away from the touch. Dean’s laughter vibrates against Benny’s lips at his throat and Dean’s hands slowly come to rest over Benny’s through the barrier of his shirt.

Dean guides his hand lower and Benny easily works free the button on his jeans. Sex is simple and uncomplicated, dulling the anxiety humming under his skin, fueled by the conflicting signals bouncing around in his head. He focuses on the feeling of Benny’s thick fingers wrapping around his hardening cock and leans his head back against Benny’s shoulder. Benny’s beard scrapes his throat in sharp contrast to the wet, hot kisses and Dean’s breath leaves him in short, clouded puffs as it mingles with the chilled air.

 

The cabin is secluded and all Dean can see are the trees and Benny’s truck. He leans his weight against Benny and feels the jut of his cock against his ass. Benny kisses up his throat to catch his lips as he strokes Dean’s cock from root to tip, working his jeans further down his hips.

Dean pulls away when the cold air becomes too much and nudges Benny back towards the bed, dragging the slider shut behind him. He smiles against Benny’s lips and works his belt loose before kissing him and playfully nipping at his lip.

Dean lets Benny’s jeans fall to mid-thigh and pushes his boxers down carefully before guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed.

Benny waits patiently as Dean unties his boots and shimmies out of his own jeans and boxer briefs. Dean rummages through his bag before returning to settle astride Benny’s thighs and pressing a tube of lubricant into his hand.

 

They kiss lazily as Benny’s thick index finger circles Dean’s rim and stretches him slowly. It doesn’t take long before Dean’s pushing back against his fingers, quietly begging for more. Dean takes Benny’s wrist and pulls his fingers free before looking at him from under his lashes with a slight nod. Benny kisses his temple as the fat head of his cock presses at Dean’s entrance.

Dean lets out a quiet moan as he sinks down on Benny’s cock, Benny’s hands rubbing gently at his thighs. He slowly begins to move, gripping Benny’s shoulders for balance, skin buzzing with sensation.

He knows he’s pleading wordlessly as he rocks back faster, knuckles white as he squeezes Benny’s shoulders.

A shaky gasp escapes him as Benny’s hands slide up his thighs to grab his ass and his hips snap up to meet him. His thighs begin to burn with the effort and he can feel the heat building as Benny noses aside the collar of his shirt to kiss at the junction of his neck and shoulder.

Dean moves one hand to the back of Benny’s neck, clenching in the short hair at Benny’s nape. Benny bites carefully at the tender skin and pulls him closer and Dean shudders as his cock drags against Benny’s belly.

It doesn’t take much longer before Benny comes, hot and slick, wrapping his hand around Dean’s erection to make him follow.

 

They collapse in a sticky, tangled heap, kissing lazily as they catch their breath. Benny’s lips move to his chin, catching on his stubble and swiping his tongue against the divot of his scar before nipping at the underside of his jaw.

 

Dean sighs as Benny’s hand travels up his hip and over his side, squeezing at the slight give that had appeared over the past few months.

“You gotta stop feeding me.” He grumbles as he glares at the slightly softened edges of his hipbones. “You’re making me fat.”

Benny chuckles and grins at him. “No way, that’s all part of my master plan to keep you around.” He teases affectionately as Dean ignores the goofy grin that breaks out onto his face in favor of shoving Benny’s face away and into the bedspread.

“Fuck you.” He laughs, head-butting his shoulder playfully.

Benny squirms back onto his side and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Thought it was working pretty well too.” He adds, and Dean hates how he notices how blue Benny’s eyes can get.

“Seriously, shut up.” Dean tells him, silencing him with a kiss before either of them says something they can’t take back.

 

 

 

 

 

They kiss until the bedroom loses the amber glow of the sunset through the trees. Benny smirks against Dean’s lips and ruffles his hair.

“Can I think about making dinner soon? Or am I still banned from cooking?” He asks as Dean rolls his eyes and slips out of his reach.   
“Yeah, yeah. Probably burned off dinner and desert today already anyway.” Dean grins as Benny gets out of bed and extends a hand to help him up.

“Sure thing.” He laughs as Dean heads into the bathroom.

 

 

 

Dean helps Benny cook dinner, manning the grill while Benny makes the sides.

They eat inside with the fireplace lit to add some warmth. Benny shares more stories about his time in Greece, and how he’d love to return one day.

Dean laughs and spoons more tzatziki on the chunk of chicken breast wrapped in flatbread. “I’ve never been out of the States. I probably never will.”

“Well not with that attitude you won’t.” Benny smirks and spears a piece of zucchini with his fork.

“No, I…uh, I hate flying.” He admits as Benny cocks his head and shrugs.

“So? There’s more than one way to cross the pond.” He suggests as Dean shrugs back at him. “Is there anywhere you’ve wanted to go?”

“Well…kind of stupid, but…I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Well that’s just a shame, that’s easy.” Benny smiles and sips his beer. “Keep that in mind next time you need some space.”

“Maybe.” Dean finishes off his bread, swiping it through the drops of yogurt that had fallen on the plate.

 

They clean up in comfortable silence and wander out onto the porch to smoke, sitting in the plastic deck chairs. The breeze rustles the trees and mingles with the sound of the river a couple hundred feet away.

“I love it out here.” Benny muses quietly, breath cloudy from the smoke and cold. “It’s just so peaceful and quiet.”

“It’s pure.” Dean adds as Benny nods and flicks ash into the ashtray on the table.

“Everything just kind of fades away.”


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 21.

 

They don’t manage to get out of bed until nearly noon the next day, spending the morning huddled under the covers. They trade lazy kisses and fuck slow and sweet until they finally drag themselves out of bed and Benny makes them waffles. It rained overnight and the forest is damp and earthy with the lingering smell of ozone.

 

 

 

Deciding they can’t spend the entire trip indoors, they venture out to Benny’s pickup and head to one of the local hiking trails. The trail is deserted since it’s a Monday, but they proceed through the wet leaves.

Of course, it’s a disaster and they end up slipping and sliding across the muddy trail and it takes half the afternoon to make the not even mile and a half trek to the viewing area with a neat little lake.

 

Dean shivers next to Benny on the wooden bench at the overlook and melodramatically laments about how their bodies probably won’t be found until spring, laying it on thick until Benny’s laughing so hard that he startles the waterfowl.

Dean grins and wipes his muddy hands on Benny’s coat before walking up to the railing of the overlook and looking out at the lake.

When he finally turns back to Benny, he sees him with his elbows on his knees looking at his feet.

“What are you doing?” He asks as Benny shushes him and points to his foot, where a chipmunk is attempting to climb onto the toe of his boot.

Dean muffles a snort and pulls out his phone to take a picture. He creeps closer until the chipmunk looks at him and chitters in annoyance, obviously expecting a treat for its bravery.

At the sound of the shutter click it puffs up and huffs like it’s offended before scampering off into the underbrush.

“Aw, why didn’t you give it something.” Dean grumbles as Benny laughs and looks for it in the leaves.

“You’re not supposed to feed the wildlife.”

“We could have taken it home, Nana would have loved it.”

“Yes, and then Tank would try and play with it and crush it.”

“Nah, it’s too fast.” Dean protests, pocketing his phone.

“Besides, I didn’t bring anything.” Benny says as he gets up and Dean sighs in faux-horror.

“See? We are going to die up here. No food? No water? What were we thinking?” He teases as Benny smirks and nudges him.

“We could always eat the chipmunk.” Benny suggests as Dean laughs loudly and pushes him back as they head back down the trail.

“You fucking hillbilly.” Dean tells him before he slips and lands right on his ass.

“I think that’s karma.” Benny remarks before Dean lobs a wet clump of mud at him, hitting Benny square in the chest. “And that means war, Winchester.” He rumbles as he moves to chase after Dean who’s laughing and scrambling in the mud.

Of course Dean manages to drag him down to his knees.

Dean grins at Benny, cheeks flushed from the cold and smiling widely, and leans in for a kiss. Benny laughs against his lips and wipes his muddy hand in Dean’s hair, and Dean lets out an undignified squawk.

“Oh, gross!” He shudders as Benny hauls him up and kisses him for real, both hands cupping his cheeks.

“Payback.” Benny tells him smugly, linking their hands and using a tree to help him manage the slight slope.

They make their way back down, hand in hand (for balance, Dean mentally protests), keeping quiet to try and not disturb any more wildlife. It pays off when they catch sight of a mule deer feeding off through the trees.

Dean grins because okay, it’s kind of cool, but plays it off, tapping Benny on the shoulder and mimicking holding a rifle.

“If I had my 30 aught 6…” He imitates a gunshot and Benny smirks at him.

“I remember that story you told me ending a lot differently, something to the tune of not being able to kill Bambi?” Benny questions as Dean rolls his eyes and waves his hand.

“Yeah, like 20 years ago.”

“Alright, killer, well, how about we stop off at the store on the way home instead and I won’t tell anyone about your performance issues.”

Dean shoves him again playfully, but Benny’s smart enough to grab onto a tree this time.

 

Dean shivers in the cab of Benny’s truck, so happy that Benny had allowed him to fix the heater, while Benny pops into the store to get something for dinner.

He returns with a few bags and gets into the truck after stamping his feet to try and get more of the drying mud off.

 

They end up stripping down on the deck, glad for the seclusion and cursing the cold. They lay their mud caked jeans and jackets on the railing and leave their boots by the door before rushing inside to start the fire and crank the heat.

Dean calls dibs on the shower while Benny puts away the groceries and simultaneously starts the tap on the oversized soaker tub in the bathroom. He showers quickly while the tub fills to get off the majority of the filth. He grins and adds some of the bubble bath from the bottles lined on the edge of the tub.

He’s just settled in the tub when Benny pokes his head in, letting out a laugh.

“Wow, really? A bubble bath too? I could run back into town for some champagne and strawberries too if you want?” Benny teases, setting a glass of whiskey on the edge of the tub for Dean who flips him off with a smirk. “Did you leave any hot water, by the way?” He asks as Dean shakes his head and sinks deeper into the tub.

“No, go wash off in the river like a real mountain man.” He says as Benny shudders and sips his own whiskey.

“Hell no.” He protests, sitting at the foot of the tub.

He shivers in his boxers and long sleeved shirt and finishes off his glass.

“I’m glad we did this.” Dean says after a few moments of quiet, glad that the heat of the bath masks the flush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, me too.” Benny smiles softly, and Dean’s stomach flutters. “I’m gonna brave the shower.” He says, leaning over and kissing him. “If I freeze to death, just remember, it’s your fault.” He grins as Dean flicks suds at him.

 

 

They both get into sleep pants and sweatshirts, grateful that the heat permeating the cabin, soaking in the warmth until they have to brave the outdoors.

Dean beats the now dried mud off their clothing while Benny gets the grill going. He brings the dirty clothing in and tosses it in the washer and adds the soap. He comes back outside to find Benny filleting a large fish on the patio table covered in newspaper.

“What’s that?”

“Steelhead trout. Caught fresh up in Mt. Hood.” He says, keeping his eyes on his knife as he slices up the belly.

Dean sits on the other side of the table and watches, listening to Benny narrate how to filet a fish, showing him a trick to remove the strip of pin bones without having to sit there and pick them out with pliers.

They clean up and put their filets in foil packets, with lemon, and fresh rosemary and Dean heads inside to check on the potatoes Benny has roasting in the oven.

They eat on the couch, plates balanced on their knees, and watch Dr. Sexy repeats, and Dean can’t remember the last time he’d been so content.

 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 22.

 

Unfortunately, they can’t stay at the cabin forever, and after a nice lunch and walk around, they head back to Portland.

 

The thing is, Dean doesn’t leave like he usually does.

Benny doesn’t mention it, just masks his surprise at finding Dean in the kitchen the next afternoon with a genuine smile and suggests pizza for dinner.

 

By Thursday, Benny’s discreetly cleared out another drawer in the dresser for Dean and Dean ends up getting a temporary under the table bartending job at a bar in North Williams a few nights a week.

 

He dodges calls from his father and Kate and settles into an easy routine with Benny until Sam calls a few days before Benny says they’ll descend into “Baking Hell” for Thanksgiving.

 

“Hey.” He answers, getting off the couch and mouthing “Sam” at Benny who nods and actually pauses the episode of Orphan Black.

“Where have you been?” Sam asks as Dean heads outside, Nana on his heels, grabbing his cigarettes from the kitchen table.

“Around. Why?”

“Dad says you haven’t been home in over a week.”

“Okay? I’m staying with a friend for a bit, is that okay? I didn’t know I had to ask permission.” He huffs as Sam undoubtedly rolls his eyes.

“Well, he was concerned.”

“Sure he was.” He says as he lights up.

“Are you okay?”

“Why would I not be okay? I’m fine. Having a great time actually.” And it’s probably the first almost truth he’s told Sam in a while and he can hear him sigh softly over the line.

“Okay. Well, we were all worried.”

“Why?”

“Nevermind. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Alright…are you okay?” Dean frowns, confused, and takes a drag on his cigarette.

“Yeah, everything’s great. Just busy, you know? So, where are you?”

“Uh. Seattle.” He lies quickly, and decides it’s not that bad…people confuse Portland for Seattle all the time, right? “We rented out a cabin and went fishing.”

“Who are you with?”

“What’s that mean?”

“Why are you being weird? I just asked who you were with…” Sam says as Dean lets his head fall back and takes a deep breath.

“Nick, Nick Munroe.” He says, saying the first name that comes to mind, ignoring Nana’s judgmental huff at the lie.

“Nick Munroe from high school?” Sam says in disbelief and Dean winces.

“Yeah. Ran into him a while back and we’ve been keeping in touch.”

“Dean, that’s great, you two were really close.” Sam says sincerely as Dean muffles a laugh and shakes his head, pretty certain that Sam doesn’t realize just how close he and Nick had been back then.

“Yeah, it’s been good.”

“So, are you coming for Thanksgiving?” Sam asks, as Dean groans. “Dad wants to know.”

“You mean Kate wants to know.”

“Regardless, Dean, it’s Thanksgiving. Jess and I will be there.” He says, like that makes it any better.

“Yeah, well, spending an afternoon with the Happy Family isn’t exactly high on my priority list.”

“Dean…you need to make an effort.” Sam tells him, weary from having the same conversation over and over. “You’re an adult. Act like one. Suck it up, and have dinner with Dad and Kate and Adam. You will survive.”

“Fine.” Dean relents after a few moments of petulant silence. “Fine, I will be at Thanksgiving dinner. Happy?”

“Very.” Sam says, and sounds rather pleased with himself. “Hey, I gotta run, but I’ll catch you later. Say hi to Nick for me.”

“Yeah, uh, will do.” He says, hanging up and finishing his cigarette.

He catches Nana’s eye as he puts out the butt in the flowerpot they use as an ashtray. He squirms under her dog-version of a frown that somehow manages to resemble the look Ellen gives him when she’s running out of patience. “Don’t look at me like that. You don’t get to judge me, you drink out of the toilet.”

She huffs indignantly and follows him back inside.

 

 

 

Benny apparently wasn’t kidding when he called it _Baking Hell_. After the Café closes on Sunday, it’s Benny, the new cook, Aaron, and Dean in the kitchen, while Garth is on cleanup duty as punishment for last year’s fiasco and Pam keeps the orders straight.

Dean gets the impression that they’re a bit in over their heads, when Pam starts reading off the order totals and Benny’s mouth gets a little tight. But, it’s pretty impressive to watch him keep his cool and take charge of the kitchen.

“Yes, chef!” Dean says with a cheeky grin and salute after Benny directs him to his station.

Benny just smirks and claps him on the shoulder as he passes.

They spend the entire afternoon and evening making enough pie dough for almost 200 pies and stick them in the freezer. They spend most of the day Monday organizing and preparing all of their ingredients that can be done before hand. Dean snags a shift at the bar afterwards to make sure he has enough money for gas to get home and ends up staying late to help restock and clean. It’s almost seven AM by the time he leaves, his eyes are gritty and he’s exhausted, but he stops by the café to see Benny and grab something to eat.

“Shit, Winchester, how do you work 16 hours straight and still look that hot?” Pam huffs at him as he approaches the counter.

“It’s a gift.” He says, looking around and spying only three tables occupied in their pre-morning rush.

Pam shakes her head and pops her head back in the kitchen. “Make your man something, Benny, we need to make sure he doesn’t pass out later.”

He hears Benny laugh over the noise of the kitchen and he leans against the counter, out of the way and sips the coffee Pam hands him.

The counter gets busier with pickups for muffins, and pastries, and coffees and Pam handles them easily.

Benny comes out of the kitchen, holding a plastic bag, looking a bit concerned.

“You’re just getting off work now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry.” He smiles and takes the bag that Benny holds out.

“Are you sure?”

“Promise. I’ll see you around 4, okay? Maybe a bit earlier.”

“I made you a sandwich too, I don’t think there’s anything at the house.” Benny explains, frowning as he tries to remember. “Oh, and Krissy is coming by after school to let the dogs out. I’ll let her know you’ll be home.”

“Got it, wear pants.” Dean smirks and leans in, kissing him out of habit, before freezing and looking around quickly to see if anyone was looking. “Uh. I.” Dean stammers before sighing and shaking his head, seeing the only person who noticed was one of Benny’s regulars who shoots him a thumbs up. “See you later.” He kisses him again, feeling Benny relax and cup his cheek gently.

“Drive safe, darlin.” Benny tells him quietly, letting go after a second and trying to duck back into the kitchen when he turns to leave.

“ _Benjamin_.” He hears and looks over his shoulder to see Benny go to the table of the woman, looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Yes ma’am?” He says as she laughs loudly.

“Don’t you _yes ma’am_ me, where have you been hiding him?” She asks loud enough that Dean can still hear her.

“ _Missouri_.” Benny groans, cheeks red, not just from the heat of the kitchen as she laughs and takes his hand, patting it maternally.

“Love suits you, Benny.” She says gently as Dean panics, heading for the door, but not before he hears Benny’s reply.

“It’s _complicated_ , Missouri.”

Dean hurries out and back to the car, tired enough to brush it off for the moment in favor of stuffing his face with the egg sandwich Benny made for him.

 

The good news is, there’s no time to think about it that evening once the baking begins. Dean personally drinks almost half a case of Monsters and can feel his cells vibrating by the time the last pie is out of the oven Wednesday morning, the team keeping everything running through the night.

“Go home.” Benny tells him, kissing him gently as he stares at the cardboard blankly, trying to figure out how to remember how to make it into a box. “Take the bus, go get some rest.”

“Nuh, I’m good.” He huffs as Benny leans on the counter and kisses his temple.

“You also have to drive back home tonight, remember?”

“I won’t go.”

“You have to.” Benny sighs wearily and rests his forehead against Dean’s. “Thank you so much for your help, I—we, couldn’t have done it without you.” He says, so gently and sincerely that Dean can’t help but squirm under the weight of it.

“Yeah, of course.”

“We can handle the order pickups and clean up. Go home. I should be home before you leave.”

“Alright, fine.” Dean relents, abandoning his pile of unassembled boxes.

 

Dean has enough energy leftover to navigate the bus and let the dogs out, eating a piece of stale bread with a hunk of cheese while they run around. He calls them back inside and they all head upstairs and Dean slips out of his jeans and under the covers. He doesn’t even protest when all three dogs jump up onto the bed and flop all over him. He just buries his nose in Nana’s fur and passes out.

He wakes up briefly to one of the boys whining happily, and wagging tails smacking into him.

“Hey.” He breathes out, sleep rough as Benny grunts in return, stripping out of his clothes and heading into the bathroom. Dean lets his head fall back onto the pillow and listens to Benny move around, hearing the toilet flush, and then the faucet and the rattle of a bottle of Advil.

Benny grunts again and pokes one of the dogs. “Move.” He says, accent thick in his exhaustion. “Move it.” He repeats more firmly until Jackson steps all over Dean to relocate to the other side of the foot of the bed.

Benny face-plants into the newly vacated space and tugs weakly at the blankets before fitting up against Dean’s back with a soft sigh.

“Good?” Dean mumbles as Benny nods into the nape of his neck, kissing the skin lazily.

“Good. Jus’ few more ‘morrow.” He slurs sleepily before they both drift off.

 

Benny honest to god growls in Dean’s ear when his alarm chimes on his phone, and Dean wishes he weren’t too tired to dwell on how hot it was. He struggles to get out of bed, stuck in the dog maze and Benny’s thick arms wrapped around him, and heads into the bathroom.

He does his business and hops into the shower, awake enough to realize how sticky and gritty with flour and sugar he was. He makes a mental note to remind Benny to change the sheets. He changes into clean clothes and doesn’t bother packing anything up other than his phone. He pats each dog on the head gently, Tank and Jackson giving him sleepy doggie smiles and Nana nuzzling at his wrist. He leans over Nana and kisses Benny’s scruffy cheek, seeing one blue eye cracked open.

“I gotta go.” He says as Benny shifts onto his back enough to kiss him properly.

“Text me when you get there.” He mumbles as Dean nods and smoothes his short hair shyly.

“I will. I’ll probably be back over the weekend.”

“Okay. You’re always welcome, whenever.” He slurs, turning his head and kissing the inside of his wrist.

Dean smiles and ignores the warmth blossoming in his chest and heads downstairs. He brews a pot of coffee and leaves it on the warmer, filling up one of Benny’s travel mugs for the road. He eyes the box of donuts on the counter and promptly decides that he’s probably going to be avoiding sweets for a few days, still feeling sticky from the baking marathon.

 

He pulls out of Benny’s driveway a little after eight in the evening and drives through the night back to Boise. It’s nearly 3 AM by the time he pulls down the long driveway and past the main house to the barn at the back of the property. And if he revs the engine, it’s purely accidental of course.

He gets out, opens the barn doors and gets back in the Impala and pulls her inside the bay. He grabs his things and lights up a cigarette inside the garage, smirking at the light in his Dad’s room now illuminated, undoubtedly them bitching about him.

He texts Benny that he made it safe and receives a reply a few minutes later, when he’s crushing the butt under his boot.

_> K b good c u soon_

Dean smiles to himself and closes the barn doors before heading upstairs. His loft smells a little stale after almost a month of his absence. He snags a beer from the fridge and cringes at the mystery containers of takeout that haven’t managed to grow legs (yet) and reminds himself to clean it out tomorrow. He drinks his beer and heads up to the loft where his bed is, overlooking the living room area. By the time he gets out of his boots and finishes his beer, he’s half asleep and curling up in his bed, that feels far too empty.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 23.

 

Dean wakes up around 11 and showers and gets ready. He digs around in his closet and finds a clean pair of black slacks and a gray sweater that Charlie had given him last Christmas. He drinks his last beer as he wanders around the living room, stalling and reads a text from Jess asking where he is. He sighs and finishes the bottle before brushing his teeth and fussing with his hair.

He tucks his phone in his pocket and grabs a fresh pack of cigarettes to put in his jacket pocket, lighting one out of the nearly empty pack on the seat of the Impala. He smokes and walks slowly from the barn across the field and towards the house. He detours to the garbage cans to toss the extinguished butt inside before he rounds to the front of the house. He sees Sam’s douchey black charger in the driveway behind John’s truck, Kate’s CRV, and Adam’s mustang.

He rings the bell and walks in, and gets tackled by Sam’s bonehead golden retriever.

“Off.” He says firmly as Bones looks at him in surprise, used to more flinching and theatrics. He copies Benny’s hand sign for sit, and Bones keeps his eyes on his hand that travels back over his head, guiding his butt down to the ground. “Not bad.” He smirks and Sam rounds the corner, eyeing them carefully.

“Look who grew a set.” Sam teases as Dean rolls his eyes and grudgingly pets Bones when he nudges his hand.

“Shut up.” He says as he hugs his brother, clapping him on the back. “How you been?”

“Good? How was Seattle?”

“Seattle? Oh, good. Great. Just got in last night.”

“Yeah, we heard.” Sam laughs and gives Bones a noogie.

“Dean!” Jess says, walking across the living room to greet him.

“Hey,” He says with a smile, hugging her and kissing her cheek when she presents it. “How are you?”

“Great. Starting to get a bit stressed about the wedding.” She admits as he smiles.

“You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. Unless of course, you wanna dump the sasquatch, and then I say, run.” He teases as Sam shoots him a bitch-face.

“No, but at this rate I’m getting married in my pajamas because I still don’t have a dress.”

“I thought you picked one.”

“I changed my mind.” She says with a shrug and he laughs and shakes his head. “I was thinking of going back to one of the shops in Portland this weekend, do you want to come?”

“Yeah, I can probably swing that.” He says as if he wasn’t already going to be there.

 

They walk into the living room where John and Adam are on the couch, nursing beers and watching football.

“Dean.” John says as Dean swallows hard and nods.

“Hey.” He says as Kate comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

“Hello, Dean.” She says, smiling slightly as he nods and stands uncomfortably in the middle of the living room.

“Let me get you a beer,” Jess offers to break the tension and Dean couldn’t love her more.

Kate returns to the kitchen with Jess and Sam takes the beer and passes it along to Dean and the Winchester men take over the living room.

Sam tries to make conversation, trying to talk to Dean about Seattle and Adam about his college classes and getting little to nothing out of either of them. Thankfully the game heats up and serves as a neutral talking point.

 

 

Kate calls everyone to assemble for dinner around 4 and Dean almost feels like he’s home free. He takes his place at the other end of the table, opposite John, with Sam and Jess on either side.

John leads them through Grace, Dean giving the impression of prayer by checking his phone in his lap under the table.

“So, Dean, where have you been lately?” Kate asks with a terse smile as John carves the turkey.

“Around.” He answers, tucking his phone back in his pocket as Jess passes him the rolls.

“You met up with Nick Munroe last week, didn’t you?” Sam says helpfully, looking to their dad. “You remember Nick from high school, right?”

“I do.” John says, frowning at the turkey as he slices off the wing. “He was a good kid. Ended up at Oklahoma State, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Dean lies, focusing on scooping out green bean casserole.

“What’s he doing now?”

Dean shoves a piece of his roll into his mouth to buy time, trying to remember what Nick was going to major in. Honestly, it wasn’t one of the things he remembered about him. He sips at his water and bless Sam for piping up.

“Wasn’t he majoring in Criminal Justice?”

“Yeah.” Dean coughs and nods. “Yeah. He’s a cop.” Right, his dad was a cop, family business.

John scoffs and slices the breast. “How’d that conversation go, when he found out about your record?”

“Didn’t come up.” Dean says flatly as Jess shoots him a sympathetic look.

“Well, it’s good to know you have your priorities in order.” John says as Dean frowns and shakes his head.

“Sorry?”

“I would have thought you’d be in town for it at least.” John says as Kate sighs and shakes her head.

“ _John_.”

“What?”

“November 2nd.” Is all John says, face set sternly as Dean feels his stomach drop.

“Dad.” Sam says when he realizes what he’s referring to as Dean shakes his head and swallows the lump in his throat.

“I don’t have to be here to prove anything to you.” Dean protests weakly as Kate nods.

“He’s right, John. It doesn’t mean that he forgot.”

Dean sinks down in his chair and tries to drown out the storm in his head screaming that he _did_ forget. He’d forgotten the anniversary of his mother’s death because he was off with Benny. He slides a piece of turkey onto his plate on auto-pilot but the thought of eating doesn’t sit well.

“So, Adam, what classes are you taking this semester?” Jess says to steer the conversation away from Dean and to something less uncomfortable.

Adam shrugs and spoons out some mashed potatoes onto his plate when Sam hands them to him. “Organic Chemistry this semester. It sucks.”

“I hated that.” Jess commiserates, and laughs nervously. “But I guess you’ll use it more than I will studying pre-med, right? I’ve yet to have a second grader ask me anything about Organic Chem.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Adam says, digging in to his food.

Sam and Jess keep the conversation civil and Dean mechanically eats, everything tasting like ash in his mouth.

 

The first opportunity he gets, he leaves the table, scraping his dinner into the trash and loading the plate into the dishwasher. Sam follows him out onto the porch and sits beside him on the steps, discreetly waving away the cigarette smoke.

“I forgot.” Dean admits after a few minutes, lighting his next cigarette off the cherry of the nearly spent butt.

“Dean…it’s okay.”

“How the fuck is it okay?”

“Look, I know she meant a lot to you, and you’ve held onto her memory so damn tight, but…it’s okay.” Sam tells him gently. “She’d want you to be happy, Dean, she wouldn’t want a date looming over you like that. It’s been almost 30 years, it’s okay to start letting go.”

“It’s not okay to forget, Sam.” He says, hanging his head and sighing out a cloud of smoke.

“You’re human, Dean.” Sam rests his hand lightly on his shoulder. “Look, you’ve been mourning since you were a kid. It’s natural—“

“No it’s not.”

Sam sighs and shakes his head. “Fine, then Kate is right. Just because you weren’t here, doesn’t mean anything. What difference would it have made if you remembered? What would you have done differently? Get shitfaced and make bad decisions like you usually do? Because I can tell you right now, that’s never helped anything.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why? Because I thought you were actually dealing with it, and you looked happy.”

Dean doesn’t answer, just crushes his cigarette under his boot and stands up. “I’m gonna go.”

“Dean—“

“I’m fine, okay? I’m just gonna head out. I’ll meet you in Portland, call me when you hit town.”

 

 

Dean’s happy he stopped after his second beer hours ago and goes about packing a bag since he didn’t have many clothing options at Benny’s. He gets on the road and is thankfully early enough that the bulk of the Thanksgiving traffic hasn’t hit the road yet.

 

He doesn’t even think to call Benny and let him know he’s already on his way back. It’s almost midnight by the time he pulls into Benny’s driveway and is grateful to see the flicker of the television through the blinds.

The dogs start barking when he kills the engine and gets out, and the porch light turns on. Benny’s standing in the doorway by the time he lets himself through the gate and up the walkway.

“Hey.” He says as Tank and Jackson push their way outside to stand on the porch, tails wagging.

“Hey, everything alright?” Benny asks carefully, looking concerned as Dean frowns and shrugs.

“Not really.” He answers honestly for the first time in his life. Dean sighs and leans into Benny, who brings his arms up to gently wrap him in a hug.

Benny’s scruffy chin scrapes his cheek as he kisses Dean’s temple and guides him inside.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks cautiously as Dean sets his bag down in the foyer and goes into the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of Jameson from the cabinet above the fridge. He grabs two glasses as an afterthought and heads to the couch, sinking down onto the cushions.

Benny takes it in stride and sits next to him while the dogs resettle and takes the glass Dean offers him. After Dean finishes two and a half glasses he tops them both off and shrugs.

“My mom…she uh, she died.” He shakes his head when he sees Benny’s lips part to say something. “No. A long time ago, I was just a kid.” He explains as Benny nods and waits. “Even though I was young, I still remember her, you know? I never got over it, I guess. My dad remarried when I was ten, but, Kate was never my mom, you know? I always held my mom over her I guess.” He takes another long sip of his whiskey and picks at a snagged thread on the sweater. “I just feel like a piece of shit. I apparently forgot about the anniversary of her death and my father chose Thanksgiving dinner to kindly rub it in my face.”

“When was it?” Benny asks quietly, as Dean shrugs.

“When we were at the cabin...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know…” Benny offers as Dean laughs bitterly and shakes his head.

“I’d have told you if I remembered. I completely forgot. I’ve never forgotten before.” He shrugs and takes another drink. “I like Halloween because it’s one of my last memories of her. She made my costume—I was a cowboy, and I thought I was hot shit, and Sammy was just a baby and he was a little teddy bear. She took us trick or treating and let me have a piece of candy before dinner as long as I promised to not tell my dad.” He smiles and sinks in his seat. “Two days later, there was a short in the wiring of the house. She died to get Sammy out.” Neither of them acknowledges how Dean’s voice wavers. “I watched from the front lawn, holding my brother while my Dad tried to get her out.”

“I’m so sorry.” Benny tells him quietly, sipping his own whiskey.

“It’s just…I’ve always remembered. Hell, thirty years later and I still have nightmares sometimes, but lately?” He shrugs and finishes his glass. “I don’t know. It…it kind of felt good to not feel like shit. So…thanks I guess.” He smiles weakly and picks at the etching on the glass.

“You’re welcome, I think.” Benny says as Dean laughs quietly.

“Can we just go to bed? I’m kind of beat.” He admits as Benny nods and takes the glass from his hand and puts it on the coffee table before capping the bottle.

 

They head upstairs, all three dogs on their heels and Benny gives Dean first dibs on the bathroom.

Dean comes out a few minutes later and trades off, slipping out of his clothes and into the sleep pants and t-shirt Benny had laid out on the dresser for him.

He crawls under the covers and makes room for Nana to curl up against his back, while the boys jump up and take over the foot of the bed.

 

Benny returns and shuts off the lights and fights for space on the bed, eventually settling down and letting Dean tuck himself against his chest. He kisses Dean’s temple and feels some of the tension bleed from Dean’s frame.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 24.

Dean sits at a table in an upscale Italian restaurant that Benny recommended, sipping on some local microbrew. The hostess directs Sam and Jess to his table when they arrive and he raises his glass slightly in greeting.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam says carefully, obviously tiptoeing around the Thanksgiving incident, and it irks Dean to no end.

Jess leans over and kisses his cheek before sitting. “How are you?” She asks as he shrugs and takes another swallow of his beer.

“I’m fine. Did you have a good drive?”

“Yeah, not too bad, a little more traffic than we expected, but not bad.” Sam answers, sitting and fiddling with his roll of silverware.

“Did you have a good day? What did you do?” Jess asks, smiling kindly as Dean shrugs.

“I guess. Just hung around.” And it’s not a lie, he’d spent the day with Benny on the couch, going between napping and watching movies.

 

The conversation lulls and Dean is rescued by their waiter who takes Sam and Jess’ drink orders and announces the specials.

“Where’d you find this place? It looks amazing.” Jess comments, checking out a tray of food another waiter carries past them.

Dean shrugs and finishes his beer. “Got a recommendation from a local.” Again, not a lie, not quite the truth, but not a lie either.

They talk about the menu and decide on an appetizer to split.

Their waiter returns and replaces Dean’s empty glass with a new beer, and a heady stout for Sam, and a cranberry and club soda for Jess.

 

They place their orders and make small talk about Jess’ students and funny stories from Sam’s office. Jess turns to Sam and frowns after a few minutes.

“Hey, I left my sweater in the car…would you mind getting it for me?” She asks as Sam nods eagerly and takes another sip of his beer.

“Yeah, of course. Is it on the seat?”

“Yep.” She smiles and leans over and kisses him softly. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

“Be right back.” Sam smiles and gets up, letting his hand brush her shoulder before heading out the door.

“So…”

“That was smooth.” Dean comments as she laughs softly and plays with her napkin.

“Are you really okay?” She asks as he shrugs slightly.

“I will be.”

“I know you will.” She smiles and fidgets in her seat. “So….”

“Yeah?” Dean says hesitantly as she ducks her head and swirls her straw in her glass.

“I need you to be able to keep a secret.” She says, waving at him to put his glass down when he takes a sip of his beer. “Stop drinking, I don’t want to wear that.” She laughs as he eyes her and frowns.

“Are you calling off the wedding?” He asks with a wince as she shakes her head quickly.

“No!” She kicks him under the table and looks over her shoulder quickly to make sure Sam hadn’t slipped back in. “I just need to tell _someone_.”

“What?” Dean stares at her and she sighs in fond exasperation.

“Dean, I think I’m pregnant.” She whispers, grinning widely as Dean’s jaw drops.

“Holy shit!” He exclaims a little too loudly, getting a few looks from their surrounding tables. “Sorry.” He waves and leans closer over the table. “Holy shit!” He repeats as he grins. “It’s Sam’s right?”

She kicks him again under the table and laughs harder. “Of course it’s Sam’s, you dork.”

“What do you mean you think?” Dean hisses as she crinkles her nose and shrugs.

“I don’t know yet. I’m only a few days late, I took one of the tests you get at the drugstore, but, you and I both know how accurate those can be.” She says, as Dean remembers Lisa and the false positive. “And my stupid doctor is on vacation all next week.”

“Does Sam know?” He asks, taking a long drink from his beer, head spinning.

She rolls her eyes and sighs. “If he knew, why would I need you to keep a secret?”

“I don’t know! How am I supposed to keep this a secret?” He asks as she shrugs.

“Well, I had to make someone else crazy about it too. I don’t want to tell Sam until I’m 100 percent positive.”

“Yeah.” Dean sobers quickly and nods. “Definitely a good idea.”

“So, that’s why I’m really glad I didn’t buy the dress I picked a few months ago.” She adds as Dean laughs and shakes his head.

“Holy shit. I might be an uncle.” He says as she grabs his hand and squeezes.

“Thought that might cheer you up.” Jess tells him as he laughs and squeezes her hand back.

 

Dean lets go when he sees Sam come back in, carrying a dove gray cardigan and hands it to Jess.

“What’d I miss?” He asks with a half-smile while Dean chugs his beer.

“Oh. Oh! Nothing.” Dean shakes his head and smirks. “I just asked your super-hot fiancée to run away with me because I’m more fun, but she turned me down.” Dean says casually as Jess laughs loudly and covers her mouth with her hand.

“Well, good to know she’s got good taste.” Sam teases as he sits back down, the timing perfect as the waiter returns with their appetizers.

 

 

Dean keeps Sam occupied while Jess and Ally head to a boutique, taking him around to some of the sights Benny introduced him to.

“You sure know your way around.” Sam comments as they wait for masala at a food cart.

“Did a lot of scouting for your stupid wedding.” Dean says around a samosa as Sam eyes him.

“What’s with this adventurous spirit, anyhow? Since when do you eat Indian food?”

“You saying I’m not cultured?” He glares and wipes his mouth with a napkin and takes a swig of his coke.

“I don’t know, I just remember you considering Chinese food exotic.”

“Shut up. There’s plenty you don’t know about me.” Dean counters and steals another samosa from the cardboard boat, still scalding hot from the fryer.

“Yeah, I guess.” Sam admits, shrugging. “So, tell me something I don’t know.”

Dean stares at his samosa, breaking the crust and letting the steam escape. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. I just…I feel like…” Sam sighs and shakes his head. “I feel like we’ve been drifting apart ever since I graduated high school. Hell, before that even.”

Dean isn’t sure how to answer and settles for burning his mouth instead. He somewhat wonders if it’s a roundabout attempt to get him to spill about Jess, or if it’s about something else.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Sammy.” He says after a few minutes. “Not much to share.”

“Nothing?”

“No, Sammy.” He tells him, a bit firmer than intended.

“Okay, okay.” Sam relents with a sigh and picks apart his own samosa.

 

Sam and Jess head back to Palo Alto that night and Dean returns to Benny’s.

Benny grins as wide as Dean does when he shares the news about Jess’ potential pregnancy. They drink until they’re sloppy drunk and practically end up crawling up the stairs far past midnight.

Benny curses his name when his alarm goes off at four and tugs the blankets off Dean and throws them on the floor in retaliation for his hangover.

“You suck.” Dean groans loudly as Benny staggers to the bathroom, leaving the alarm blaring.

“I suck? I wasn’t drunk enough to not remember you continually filling my glass.” Benny retorts from inside the bathroom, groping around in the drawers. “All your fault.” He huffs as Dean lets out a grumpy noise.

Dean drags himself up and out of bed, tripping on the pile of blankets as he follows the sound of the Advil bottle.

He leans heavily on Benny who swallows some pills with a swig of water from the tap. He opens his mouth and reaches for the bottle clumsily until Benny rolls his eyes and shakes four ibuprofen into his hand and hands over the cup. Dean swallows them down easily and rubs his face against Benny’s shoulder, still covered in his wash worn t-shirt.

“Still mad at you.” Benny says, though it’s entirely without heat, especially when Dean kisses at the underside of his throat.

“If it makes you feel better, I’m gonna drive back today.”

“You could always stay.” He suggests hesitantly, running his fingers through the hair at the nape of Dean’s neck.

Dean hums quietly and kisses down the column of his neck. “Can’t.” He says as Benny doesn’t push the issue.

“I gotta shower.” Benny tells him instead as Dean kisses the hollow of his throat. “You gonna let go or are you coming too?”

Dean grins against his skin and tugs at the drawstring of Benny’s sweats in answer.

He slides Benny’s pants down as he sinks to his knees and settles between his legs, watching him lean against the sink, slightly parting his thighs. Dean kisses at the softness of his belly and follows the slight trail of hair down to Benny’s cock, hot and heavy between his legs. He huffs out a laugh as Benny lets out a shaky exhale and grips the countertop as his mouth nears his cock. Dean takes pity on him and drags the tip of his tongue up the underside of his hardening dick, wrapping his hand around the shaft and drawing back his foreskin.

The noise Benny makes shoots straight down Dean’s spine and he swipes his tongue across the revealed head tasting the salt of his skin. He sucks the head into his mouth and works the shaft with his hand, feeling him grow harder and thicker in his grip. Benny’s hand cups the back of his head gently, his fingers gripping the longer strands of his hair. Dean feels the heat flare up throughout his body as Benny pleads his name, and he takes him deeper until all Benny can do is pant and moan.

Benny’s thighs start to tremble when he’s close and his fingers tug gently on Dean’s hair.

“Cher, please.” He whispers as Dean hums around him and Benny groans loudly when he comes.

Dean swallows around him and drinks down the flood of semen eagerly. He pulls off and draws the last pulses from him, lapping  up every drop.

“Fuck.” Benny breathes out, biting back a moan as Dean sucks at the tip of his oversensitive cock. “C’mere.” He says, tugging at Dean’s shirt until he stumbles to his feet and Benny drags him close, kissing him hard on the mouth. Benny chases his own taste in Dean’s mouth as he yanks his pants down and hoists him up onto the surface of the counter.

“Yeah!” Dean groans as Benny’s mouth covers his erection, shivering when the scruff on Benny’s chin brushes against his balls. “Fuck, yeah, yeah.” He chants as he hooks his leg over Benny’s shoulder. Benny works him hard and fast until Dean’s grabbing at him, his head knocking against the mirror as he thrusts up into his mouth. Benny swallows as much as he can and sucks until Dean’s spent.

Dean grins, staring at him through half lidded eyes as he stands up straight, Dean’s leg dropping to bracket his hip. Dean kisses him lazily and licks at his chin and a smear of come that had escaped his mouth.

“I’m still mad at you.” Benny teases as Dean laughs and shakes his head.

“Liar.” He sighs as Benny leans in for another kiss, hooking his arms under his thighs and lifting him off the counter.

“Mmm, possibly madder because I’m going to be late.” Benny explains, stripping them both and guiding him to the shower.

“Yeah, because you were totally complaining.” Dean rolls his eyes and follows him in, huddling in the corner while Benny gets the hot water going, happy that Benny’s shower is large enough for four grown men.

Benny just chuckles and flinches when he gets clipped with the still cold spray, joining him in the dry area. He tucks himself into the corner and pulls Dean against his chest, kissing the freckled skin on his shoulder as he runs his hands up Dean’s goose bump covered thighs.

 


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 25.

Dean returns to Idaho and goes back to scraping up the last opportunities for labor until spring. After the first snowfall, he joins up with a company shoveling snow for local businesses. It sucks and so does the pay, but no bar in the city limits is going to hire him after his disappearing act a few months ago.

He keeps to himself, glad that the snow keeps everyone in the house, and distracts himself planning Sam’s bachelor party, set to fall the night before New Year’s Eve.

Which of course will be a crawl of Portland’s fantastic strip clubs, whether Sam wants it to be or not, which of course requires some firsthand research and a trip back to Oregon.

Seeing Benny is incidental of course.

And dragging Benny out to strip clubs just happens to be a bit more fun than expected when he gets a bit possessive when Dean intentionally flirts with one of the dancers and hauls him off to the men’s room and fucks him raw in one of the stalls and plugs Dean back up full of his cum.

 

 

He spends his free time while Benny’s working wandering around Portland looking for Christmas presents.

He wanders around a cool second hand shop, debating whether or not it would be weird to get Benny something too. He weighs the pros (they’re friends after all), and the cons (it might send mixed messages, and/or give away that he’s considering the possibility of Feelings complete with capital F. It’s also a lot of pressure to get the perfect thing).

Of course, after he decides against it, he stumbles across a battered set of Julia Child’s _Mastering the Art of French Cooking_. He picks up Volume One and cracks open the white polka dotted cover and runs his fingers over the yellowed pages. The front page is inscribed in carefully written black ink.

 

_“And when at last you find someone_

_to whom you feel you can pour out your soul,_

_you stop in shock at the words you utter—_

_they are so rusty,_

_so ugly,_

_so meaningless_

_and feeble_

_from being kept in the_

_small cramped dark_

_inside you so long._

-        _Sylvia Plath._

_Happy Anniversary, may my words become less ugly, meaningless, and feeble in time._

_All my love,_

_~Simon”._

Dean shifts awkwardly, balancing the large book against his chest as he flips through the dog eared pages, spotted with various cooking stains and splatters, finding notes on the pages in 2 sets of handwriting. It’s incredibly personal, some pages decorated with anecdotes of dinner parties, a child’s first steps and forays into solid foods, and little love notes praising the chef’s mastery (or in several pages a rousing A for Effort).

Dean feels odd leaving it. He’s not overly sentimental, but, he realizes how much someone cared about this book, wondering how it ended up in a thrift store. Looking at the age, the owners were probably in a nursing home, or worse. He picks up Volume Two and tucks them under his arm.

Benny would like these, he decides. Benny not only had a very nice bookshelf with some room on it, he _is_ sentimental. Benny would get what this meant to two old people somewhere—essentially a diary of their lives in food.

It also doesn’t hurt that they’re priced to sell at 5 bucks each.

 

 

The bad news about the impending holiday is not only that Dean will have to spend more time with his family, but that Baking Hell returns for Round Two, but lasts longer than Thanksgiving did with impossible amounts of holiday parties to provide desserts for.

 

Dean spends a ridiculous amount of time at _Adelaide_ , working alongside Benny to keep pumping out trays of cookies, pies, and cakes. They’re both burning the candle at both ends, but neither of them can turn down the opportunity for some extra cash. He’s so tired that he honestly forgets to check in with Jess after her appointment until he’s driving back to Idaho.

 

He arrives back in Boise a little before midnight and texts Benny to let him know he made it. He doesn’t get a reply, but he’s pretty certain that Benny’s going to be sleeping all through Christmas, the servers having volunteered to take care of the last of the pickups and last minute sales on Christmas Eve.

Dean crashes less than five minutes after face planting into his bed, still in his clothes.

 

 

He drags himself out of bed around noon and has to swallow his pride and beg for food at the house, having nothing edible in his place after nearly 3 weeks away.

“Where have you been?” John asks gruffly as he catches Dean in the kitchen, pulling out a Tupperware of leftover chicken and sniffing at it cautiously.

“Working.”

“Really?” He sounds skeptical and Dean bristles in annoyance, putting the chicken back and finding a carton of leftover lo mein that looks less questionable.

“Yeah.” He answers, putting it into a bowl and then into the microwave and hitting start. “Got an under the table gig helping out at a restaurant for the holiday rush.”

John looks him over carefully, and Dean tries to stand his ground. “Not bad. Make good money?”

“Decent.” He answers with a shrug, honestly not sure what he made, Benny promising to pay him when he got back and all the numbers were crunched. Not that he even cared about getting paid since Benny had been housing and feeding him on and off for six months. He quickly changes the subject to keep from realizing this was clocking in at his third longest relationship (casual or otherwise).

“What have you been up to? How’s the garage?” He asks as John nods and tells him about business.

He’d offered for Dean to come work for him a few dozen times, but Dean wasn’t that desperate, even if he missed working with cars like crazy.

 

 

Jess pops her head in and smiles softly at Dean who retrieves his food from the microwave.

“John? Kate needed you. She’s looking for the leaf for the dining room table.” She says as John frowns and shakes his head.

“I thought it was in the attic.” He mutters before heading out into the living room.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve been working like crazy and I—“ Dean tries to apologize as she comes closer and grins.

“You’re going to be an uncle.” She interrupts him and he almost drops the bowl.

“Really?” He hisses as she nods wildly and pulls him into a tight hug. “Did you tell Sam?”

“Not yet.” She winces and he groans. “I know, I just…I figured it would be our last Christmas together as just us and I don’t want him to stress out and try and move the wedding or something.”

“You really have to tell him. Mostly because I’m not going to be able to keep this secret much longer.” He says as she nods and sighs.

“I know. After New Year’s. Promise.” She tells him as he hugs her gently and kisses the top of her head.

“I’m really happy for you two.” Dean says sincerely as she sniffles and wipes at her eyes, still smiling.

“Me too.”

“Are you still trying to seduce my fiancée?” Sam deadpans as he walks into the kitchen.

“Yep, and I gotta tell you, Sammy, it’s working.” Dean shoots back, letting her go to grab his brother and yank him into a bone cracking hug.

“What’s that for?” Sam grunts, patting Dean’s shoulder lightly as Dean slaps him on the back, grinning.

“Nothin’, it’s Christmas, Sammy, where’s your festive spirit?” He laughs as Sam eyes him.

“You look pretty chipper for someone who looks like they got hit by a truck. Are you okay?”

Dean rolls his eyes and shoves him gently. “Fine. I had a temp job at a restaurant for the pre-holidays. I’ve been on my feet for two weeks straight.”

“That’s awful.” Sam frowns as Dean digs into his noodles.

“Nah. Wa’n’t too bad.” He says with his mouth full.

“Really? That’s high praise coming from you.”

“What? No. I don’t know. It just wasn’t bad. Had good company.” He shrugs and takes another bite.

“Do you think it could turn into something permanent?” Jess asks, fitting herself to Sam’s side, declining the beer he offers.

Dean shrugs again and thinks. Benny probably would hire him maybe if he asked, but one, he never would ask, and two, even Dean knows not to mix work and sex/whatever they were doing. “Probably not.”  
They talk while Dean eats, leaning against the counters, until he excuses himself when Adam wanders in.

“Hey, thanks for the food, I gotta go get some shit together, and I really need a shower.”

“Yeah, you kinda do.” Sam agrees as Dean shoots him a look.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” He says before heading out and back through the worn trail in the snow to the barn.

 


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 27.

 Christmas Eve goes much better than Thanksgiving, with only the customary Winchester tension. Kate and Jess handle dinner, and Dean can’t help but feel a bit pretentious when he immediately realizes the lasagna is made with jarred sauce. He smirks to himself, grabbing a slice of garlic bread, realizing how spoiled rotten he is with Benny cooking all the time. Jarred sauce aside, dinner is a hit and goes over amicably.

 

All in all, it’s not bad as far as family dinners go. Dean’s pleasantly buzzed, perched on one of the kitchen chairs that were dragged into the living room, and watches Sam and Jess with curiosity.

 

They’re just so damn _happy_. Dean wonders absently if he’s ever been that happy and carefree. Sure, there were a few good weeks with Nick, a few months with Cassie before that fell apart, a few more with Lisa before he ran away.

His smile wobbles as he thinks about Benny. Sure it hasn’t been this cheesy idyllic thing, there have been bumps in the road, but nothing they haven’t worked out.

Sam laughs loudly at some story Adam’s telling and rests his hand against the small of Jess’ back and Dean swallows the last of his beer.

 

The room feels smaller with all the good cheer floating around. Kate and John acting like Adam hung the moon, their baby boy who’s going to be a doctor or something, mooning over their successful son and his beautiful, wonderful soon-to-be wife. And then there’s Dean, sitting to the side: the first son, the trial run that went all wrong.

 

No one notices when he gets up and heads into the kitchen, probably assuming he’s going for a refill or a smoke. He tosses his empty bottle in the recycling can and grabs his coat from the mudroom.

He does light up on the porch, shuddering at the wall of cold air surrounding him. He takes a few slow drags before gathering the courage to brave the weather and head into the snow.

 

He’s pretty certain he’s frozen solid by the time he makes it to the barn, feet crunching in the fresh snow layered on top of the snow that was already there.

 

Dean struggles out of his boots in the mudroom and throws his slacks into the washer, caked with snow up the calves. He hurries up the steps and grabs a pair of sweats out of the duffle bag he’d brought back from Benny’s and hadn’t managed to bring up to the loft. He finds his phone in his pocket and grabs a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels from the cabinets before scaling the ladder. He switches on the space heater and sighs at the whir of the motor and that dusty smell that precedes the rush of hot air. He crawls into bed and under the covers, unlocking his phone to see a text from Benny. He takes a slow swallow of whiskey as he opens the message from earlier that morning and views the photo of all three dogs sitting patiently. Jackson has a pair of antlers perched behind his ears, while Tank has what Dean’s 90 percent sure is _his_ scarf knotted loosely around his neck, and Nana has a red sweater with white snowflakes and a wrapping bow resting daintily on top of her head.

> _Merry Christmas Eve. I got bored :/_

 

Dean laughs out loud and tugs the blankets up over his head as he hits the call button, pretty certain he should be back from his catering gig by now.

“Hey, cher, you okay?” Benny answers after a few rings as Dean smiles.

“Yeah. Just tired. You dressed the dogs up?”

“I did.” He admits with a soft chuckle. “Jacks threw off the antlers pretty much ten seconds after I got the photo, and Tank kept trying to eat the fringe on the scarf so I had to take it away, but Nana likes her sweater. The bow didn’t stick though.”

“You’re a dork.” Dean tells him, laced with affection as he grins.

“How’d dinner go?”

Dean makes a noncommittal noise and takes another drink. “Okay I guess. Could have been worse. Just kind of felt out of place.”

“Why?”

“Well, Jess and Sam are all gross and in love or whatever, and Dad and Kate kept going on about how Adam’s going to be a doctor, and I’m just sitting there by myself.”

“I’m sorry, darlin.” Benny offers sincerely as Dean shrugs and tips back the bottle.

“I’m used to it.” He sighs quietly and stretches his feet towards the space heater. “I just can’t stand that everyone else just…started over. Dad met Kate and it was like he got a free pass. I spent from four to ten trying to shield Sam from the worst of my Dad—the drinking, the just…uncontrolled grief. And then he meets Kate and he tries to act like none of it happened, except I’m still taking all the shit.” Benny stays quiet and lets him speak. “I started acting out because when he wasn’t picking on me, he’d act like I didn’t exist. So I figured if I kept getting in trouble, he’d have to notice me, right?”

“Even negative attention is attention.” Benny supplies gently as Dean huffs out a laugh and finishes off the bottle.

“I just wish once he’d be proud of me.” He admits, tongue loose from exhaustion and alcohol.

“Fuck him.” Benny says after a second and jars Dean out of his haze. “Fuck him if he can’t be a decent father. You don’t need his approval, you know? If he can’t realize how much you have to offer, then fuck him.” Benny tells him firmly as Dean sighs and shakes his head.

“I know. Rationally, I know that.”

“I’m probably not the best source of advice.” Benny admits as Dean rolls onto his back and reaches for his phone charger.

“What about your family? I know about your sister, and your niece.”

“I don’t really remember my dad. Mama said he was gonna rot in Angola, the prison outside Baton Rouge. To this day I never learned what he did, don’t really want to. It was just Mama, me, and Addie. We were dirt poor, but, we were happy. My mom died before I made it back to the States, which I considered a blessing in disguise because the shit with Andrea would have killed her. Then again, in hindsight, she would have hated Andrea anyhow.”

“You a mama’s boy?”

“Course.” He laughs softly and Dean can hear him settling on the couch. “She’s have liked you though.” Benny clears his throat and Dean feels his cheeks heat up. “Sorry. Was that out of bounds?”

“Nah.” Dean tells him honestly.

 

They spend the evening trading stories about their younger years and how Dean plans on spoiling his niece or nephew rotten until they’re both fighting sleep.

“You should go to bed. You know Santa won’t come if you’re still up.” Benny teases Dean, who laughs quietly into his pillow.

“Santa is not coming for me. Remember, I was a very bad boy this year.” He grins as Benny chuckles and Dean can hear the jingling of the dog collars in the background.

“Mmm, naughty yes, bad, no.” He corrects as Dean stifles a yawn.

“Mhm, goodnight, Benny. Merry Christmas.” Dean tells him as the warmth in his chest takes over the rest of him.

“Goodnight, Merry Christmas, cher.”

 

 

 

Christmas morning Dean trudges back over through the knee high snow with a pillowcase full of haphazardly wrapped gifts and joins everyone for breakfast. They eat sticky buns in the living room around the tree, with Christmas music playing in the background, keeping with tradition even though everyone’s long since grown. Dean smiles around a mouthful of sugary dough, imagining the next Christmas with an infant in the mix.

 

 

They exchange gifts after they’re finished eating. It’s nothing earthshattering. Kate and his dad (mostly Kate) give him a sweater, Adam gets him a gas card, Sam gives him a stack of books, and Jess gives him a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. His gifts go over well, a necklace and earring set made with antique buttons for Jess that he’d found at the Farmer’s Market with Benny, a simpler necklace for Kate, a crafted leather sheath for a multi-tool for his dad, a new wallet for Sam, and a pair of decent headphones for Adam.

 

They spend the day lounging around, eating leftovers from the night before for lunch and Dean volunteers to assist in the kitchen and makes a pie to everyone’s surprise.

All in all, it’s not a horrible Christmas. He’s tempted to pack up and head to Portland that night, but Sam talks him into staying for breakfast and he knows Benny had another catering event last night and could probably use some downtime.

 


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 28.

He makes it to Portland by the next afternoon and doesn’t think twice about using his key to let himself in and let the dogs out. He texts Benny to let him know he’s there and that he’s ordering Chinese for dinner.

 

When Benny gets home Dean does his best to push away the smile that breaks out on his face.

“Hey, how was Christmas?” He asks, kissing Dean easily, looking tired but still smiling.

“Not bad.” Dean answers, letting his hands rest at Benny’s sides as he allows himself a few more kisses. “How’d your catering go? You look beat.”

Benny chuckles and rests his forehead against Dean’s. “I feel beat, but it went real well. Got another one New Year’s Eve, plus regular hours at the restaurant.”

“I think you need to break down and hire another person for the kitchen so you can quit spreading yourself so thin.” Dean tells him as Benny hums in agreement, but doesn’t look too pleased about it.

 

Dean feeds the dogs and supervises them in the yard while Benny showers. The delivery guy comes a few minutes after Benny comes down, hair still damp and smelling like the woodsy soap that Dean loves. Dean greets him with a kiss and a beer before heading to get their food.

 

He pays the delivery guy with a wad of cash from his wallet, tipping him generously and taking their overflowing bag of food. He brings it back to the kitchen and watches Benny set down two large, shallow bowls and retrieve a set of chopsticks each from one of the drawers. Dean sets out the food on the counter and portions out potstickers, shrimp in a fragrant sauce, and wide, flat chow fun noodles with perfectly roasted pork slices, and Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, and tops each dish with a fried scallion pancake.

“And you complain that I’m helping you put on pounds.” Benny teases, kissing the back of his neck as he pinches the barely there softness at his side.

“It’s Christmas, I can splurge at Christmas.” He retorts, squirming away from his hands while he pops a piece of pork into his mouth.

 

They eat on the couch in front of the crackling fire Benny had lit before getting in the shower. Benny shares stories from the past few days, about the two holiday events he’d catered, waxing poetic about the mansion in Lake Oswego on Christmas Eve.

“We did all our prep there—the kitchen was pristine and gigantic. The kitchen alone was probably the size of the entire storefront _Adelaide_ is in. It had not a double oven, but a triple oven. And one of those neat countertop convection ovens that you could do a damn turkey in. Dean, the _bathroom_ was the size of this room—the _living_ room.”

Dean laughs and takes a sip of his beer. “Yeah, I know Adelaide’s been in the black, but I’m pretty sure a mansion isn’t in—“ He coughs as he catches himself about to say _our_ future. “Uh, your future.” He corrects quickly, but Benny doesn’t comment.

“Yeah, but, man it was nice.” He sighs and takes a bite of his shrimp. “The couple was pretty nice too. Not what you’d expect. Really down to earth. They come for Sunday brunch every now and again.”

“So,” Benny wipes his mouth with his napkin and sips his beer. “Christmas wasn’t too bad?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t too bad.” He agrees, taking a bite of noodles. “Jess is great, Sam was great—I managed to not blurt out about the baby, but, it was rough.” He laughs and shakes his head.

“I’m glad you’ll get the full uncle experience. Lizzie was seven by the time I got back home, which was still fun, but, there’s something about that new baby smell.” He chuckles and smiles distantly. “I’m thinking of planning a trip to go home for her graduation next summer.”

“That’d be nice. I’m sure she’d like that.”

 

They finish their dinner and Dean looks to the tiny Charlie Brown tree replica on the table in the corner where he’d stashed Benny’s gift, and some things for the dogs (because while he may not be their biggest fan’s he’s not a Grinch).

Benny follows his gaze and smirks. “What? Did Santa come while I was out?” He teases as Dean shrugs.

“Must have.” He says nonchalantly as Benny laughs.

“We doin’ this now?”

“If you want.”

Benny gets up slowly with a quiet groan at the ache in his back and legs. The dogs follow him, sniffing eagerly at the wrapped packages.

“You didn’t have to get anything.” Benny tells him as he picks up the newsprint wrapped bundle that reads _Nana_ in black sharpie over the article about rising gas prices.

“I wanted to.” Dean admits, shrugging self-consciously as he picks at the flecks of chili flakes in his empty bowl. “You do a lot for me. I mean—it’s not like I pay you when I’m here, and you always cook and—“

Benny laughs softly and smiles at him. “I don’t expect anything, darlin.” He says gently as Dean shrugs again and tries to tone down his smile.

He opens Nana’s gift and gives her the reindeer plush which she takes and immediately brings to Dean, rubbing at his legs like a cat and wagging her tail so hard she almost knocks over Benny’s beer. Dean laughs and gently pets her head while she slobbers on his jeans.

Benny gives the boys their hefty rawhides which they take off running with.

 

Dean risks looking up from petting Nana to watch as Benny balances the heavy rectangle on his knees and carefully lifts the flaps of tape. He’ll never admit to holding his breath as Benny reverently runs his fingertips over the scarred title and lifts the cover to gaze at the first page. Benny pauses over the inscription, smile widening as he flips through it, and gazing at the notes in the margins.

“Where did you find this?”

“Some thrift store in Shellwood. Sorry about the shit written in it.” Dean says finally breathing, trying to downplay it as Benny shakes his head, smiling with a hint of teeth.

“That’s the best part.” He protests, opening Volume Two and scanning the contents. “I lost most of my books in Katrina, and since you can get everything online pretty much, I never replaced them. But, really, nothing beats paper.” He chuckles slightly, still focused on the pages. “Dean, this is great. Thank you.” He says, finally closing the cover and putting them back under the little tree with the same care he gives to plating.

“Yeah, of course.” Dean says, waving his hand as Benny gets up and retrieves a box that was tucked behind the tree.

“I got you something too.” He admits as Dean sits back against the cushions and swallows hard.

“You didn’t have to.” He repeats as Benny brushes it off and sits back down near him, putting the box between them, wrapped in simple brown butcher’s paper with little reindeer stamped on it, tied off with red and white baker’s string.

“Don’t be too impressed, they wrapped it at the shop.” Benny tells him, making Dean laugh as he carefully fiddles with the string.

Dean on the other hand opens the package like he’s diffusing a bomb, heart hammering in his chest with anxiety as Benny looks as nervous as he’d felt.

He peels back the paper to look down at a box with a picture of his _baby_ on it.

“It’s not exact, but it’s close.” Benny explains, as Dean grins and opens the box underneath the box for the model, finding glue and miniature tools, and a bottle of black paint.

“This is awesome.” He says as Benny smiles and shrugs.

“Thought you might like it—I know you like to work with your hands.”

Dean leans in and kisses him quickly. “Thank you. This is so cool.” He repeats, as Benny sighs softly in what Dean thinks is probably relief, raising his hands to cup his cheeks. “This is the best Christmas I’ve had in a while.” Dean admits as Benny nods, his thumb brushing against his cheekbone.

“Me too, cher.” He says quietly. He licks his lips and looks like he might say something, but a loud bark breaks them apart as Tank comes tearing through the living room with Jackson hot on his heels before they skid onto the rug and into the coffee table wrestling playfully.

Dean gets up before either of them can say something that changes everything and grabs the dishes.

“I’m gonna open it up right now!” He tells Benny, heading into the kitchen.

 

Benny follows with the rest of the dishes balanced on his forearm and the box tucked under his arm. He sets the box on one of the kitchen chairs and loads the dishes into the dishwasher. Dean gets them more beer while Benny covers the kitchen table in newspaper.

Dean sits and opens the box carefully and takes out the pamphlet. Benny stays with him a while as he reads the directions carefully out loud and painstakingly looks over all the pieces.

“I’m gonna go to bed.” Benny says finally, Dean enthralled by the intricate details.

“Night.” Dean starts, breaking out of the zone. “I’ll be up in a bit.” He tilts his head back for a kiss and watches Benny head upstairs.

After a while, Nana comes in and lays on his feet to keep them warm as he works on the frame.

 

It’s well after midnight when he finally pulls himself away, washing his hands under hot water to get the remaining tackiness of the glue off. He creeps into bed to not disturb Benny, Nana joining them at the foot of the bed.

“How far you get, cher?” Benny rumbles, rolling over a little to welcome Dean.

“I got the chassis built.” Dean says as Benny laughs and nestles back down into his pillow.

“Not bad.”

 

 

Dean sleeps in, waking up long enough to kiss Benny goodbye.

He wakes up again around noon and heads downstairs to let the boys out, Nana on his heels. He eats cold Chinese food out of the carton standing over the sink while Tank and Jackson romp around the yard and Nana supervises from the porch.

Dean settles down at the table and works on the car until Benny comes home.

“You been at that all day?” Benny asks, coming into the kitchen with a smirk as Dean looks up from the diagrams.

“No—I slept late. Only a few hours I think.”

Benny chuckles as he vigorously pets Tank and Jackson’s heads as they corner him against the counters, tails wagging and smacking against the cabinets.

Dean glances at the clock and huffs. “I gotta get going to meet Sam and Jess soon.”

Benny nods and moves over so Dean can get to the sink to wash off his hands. Dean dries his hands on a dishtowel before leaning in to kiss Benny, a small smile lingering on his lips.

“Wha’s that for?” Benny mumbles against his lips, closing his hands around Dean’s hips.

“Just ‘cause.” Dean shrugs and nips his lower lip before breaking away and heading upstairs.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 29.

Dean gets settled at the hotel he’d reserved a block of rooms at for the bachelor party, far nicer than he’d ever chosen for himself and meets Sam and Jess for dinner.

 

The day of the bachelor party is controlled chaos with Dean as the ringleader. The group of 11 for the bachelor party, plus Jess, Allison, and their father and Kate, Bobby and Ellen, and Jess’ uncle Hank and aunt Janet have dinner at an upscale steakhouse in the private party room.

When it’s time to part ways, the show begins.

Dean presents the ladies with tickets for an evening at the Spa, and the fathers, and father figures directions to a cigar bar downtown that should be a little more their style. But before they go, Dean shakes out a pair of boxer briefs and shows them off to Jess as he holds them above Sam. Across the crotch “Property of the Bride” is stamped in hot pink. He turns them around so she can see the back, printed with “If Found, please return to Jessica Moore-Winchester” and her telephone number.

“I promise I’ll make him put them on.” Dean says as Sam laughs heartily, face red as he snatches the boxers out of Dean’s hand.

“Please take pictures.” Jess says through her laughter, tugging Dean into a hug. “And please don’t let this get too out of hand.” She chides gently as Dean rolls his eyes and squeezes her arms.

“I won’t.”

They all pile into the sleek black Hummer Limo (because why not) and put on their screen printed t-shirts. The bulk of the group have shirts that read “Groom’s Crew” with outlines of cowgirl strippers with “SAM & JESS” written along the curve of the horseshoe between them. Dean has a shirt that proudly displays the Batman symbol with BEST MAN written underneath. And to keep it classy, Sam’s shirt reads “Sorry Ladies, I’m getting married!”.

They all take shots of Patron out of their personalized shot glasses and are creeping up on buzzed as they arrive at the first strip club.

 

By the time they’re at the third on the tour, Dean is surprisingly the most sober of the bunch (not that that’s saying much). He buys Sam a lap dance from a busty redhead in nothing but a leather thong and wicked red leather stilettos, watching Sam stare in drunken awe with his hands held up awkwardly to avoid touching.

 

Dean looks up from his beer as one of Sam’s friends from Stanford slides into the space next to him at the booth.

“Nice party.” He comments, raising his glass.

“Thanks.” Dean mirrors his gesture and takes a sip. The guy’s name is Brady, and Sam’s known him since freshman year, and of course Dean had hooked up with him a few times over the years when he was in town. He’s a doctor now or something and drives a sweet Jaguar and has a house in Malibu.

“You wanna head out back? I don’t think anyone will notice.” He asks quietly, sliding his hand up Dean’s thigh with a slight smirk.

Dean can’t help but instinctively spread his legs to allow Brady to cup his palm against his crotch, but after a moment he shakes his head. “Uh. Not a good idea.”

“Why not? Everyone’s hammered.” He protests as he removes his hand when Dean squirms under the table.

“Yeah, thanks, but I…I’ve kind of got a boyfriend.” He admits, drunk enough to say it out loud.

“Got it.” Brady laughs and nods, finishing his drink. “That’s great. Really, I’m happy for you.”

Dean ducks his head and smiles sheepishly, picking at the label on his beer.

 

 

It’s almost three am by the time they make it back to the hotel. Dean personally delivers Sam back to Jess, who answers the door in a robe thrown over her tiny nightgown.

“Just so you know, he didn’t touch a single stripper, and in the last two clubs he let them sit on his lap while he told them about how awesome you are. He literally had a cluster of strippers around him fawning over how sweet he was.” Dean tells her as she covers her mouth to stifle her laugh as Sam hangs heavily on Dean.

“Jess?” Sam says slowly, head perking up as he tries to focus blearily on her.

“Yeah, sweetie, it’s me.” She keeps laughing and cups his chin as he rubs against her hand like a cat.

“I love you so much. I like your boobs way better than the strippers. Even if they’re smaller.” Sam tells her as she leans in for a kiss, but pulls away quickly.

“I love you too, but you smell terrible.” She tells him gently as he honest to god pouts. “Dean, let’s get him on the couch.”

“Yeah.” Dean grunts and helps Sam towards the little seating area and unceremoniously dumps his not so little brother on the miniaturized couch that looks even smaller beneath him. Jess stoops and helps Sam out of his shoes and Dean cracks his back.

“You need any more help?”

“Nah, I’m gonna let him sleep it off, and I’ll throw his ass in the shower when he’s sober enough to be vertical.”

“Good plan. I’m gonna go pass out now.” He says as she pats him on the shoulder after he trips over Sam’s shoes.

“You think you can make it down the hall?” She teases as he laughs and nods.

 

 

He does in fact make it down the hall and into his room without any problems other than a few fumbles with the key card. He actually makes a face when he tugs his t-shirt over his head, smelling the gross mix of cigar smoke, cheap perfume and cologne, and various types of alcohol that must have spilled on him at some point during the night. He staggers into the shower and scrubs himself clean until he can’t smell himself anymore before climbing into bed.

 

 

The next day is hangover hell for all, except for Sam who looks the best out of all of them, freshly shaved, showered, and dressed while half of the party that managed to drag themselves down to breakfast are still in their clothes from the night before (most of them actually wearing sunglasses indoors).

 

Dean’s not doing too badly, shoveling down eggs and bacon at the breakfast buffet like it’s going out of style.

“Are we seriously going out again tonight?” Sam asks as he sits back down with two of those do-it-yourself waffles and a cup of fruit, transferring one of the waffles to Jess’ plate.

“It’s New Year’s Eve.” Dean says around a mouthful of biscuit smothered in thick sausage gravy that tastes like cardboard and grease compared to Benny’s but hits the spot nonetheless. “It’s illegal to _not_ go out.”

“I think it’d be nice. Besides, not everyone got a night on the town last night. Though, the massage at the spa was a pretty good consolation prize.” Jess admits as Dean grins.

“Besides, this is gonna be your last hurrahs. Once you get married, you’re not gonna be going out and having fun.” Dean argues as Sam shrugs and looks to Jess.

“I can live with that.” He says with a smile as Jess leans against him.

“Regardless, we’re still going out.”

 

 

Dean manages to sneak away to Adelaide while they’re out exploring Portland and drags Benny into the alley for a minute before the lunch rush sets in. He grins against Benny’s lips trying to cram as much contact into the moment they have.

“You’re in a good mood.” Benny drawls, kissing the underside of his jaw before pulling back and kissing him once more on the lips. “Have fun last night?”

“It was alright. Leave it to Sam to be up to his eyeballs in strippers and have them cooing over how much he loves Jess.” Dean explains as Benny laughs and pulls his pack of cigarettes out of his apron pocket and lights up.

“Love is a beautiful thing.” He chuckles as he takes a drag.

“So, how’s it looking for tonight? You had two events on the books.”

“Three now. Had a last minute order yesterday morning.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, darlin. It ain’t nothin’ fancy. Sweet talked the emergency order into ordering some of the same shit as the other two so I can save time.”

“Smart.” Dean says as Benny smirks and exhales a cloud of smoke in the opposite direction.

“Every now and then.”

“So, are you gonna be out all night or…?”

“Probably not. They’re drop an’ go’s. Why?”

“Well…I was thinking, did you maybe want to get together tonight?”

“Thought you were out with your family?”

“Well yeah, but, I figure no one will notice if I slip out early.”

“You wanna spend New Year’s together?” Benny asks skeptically as Dean ducks his head and hooks his fingers in his apron pockets pulling them closer together.

“Why not?”

“Sounds serious.”

Dean huffs out a little laugh and looks at him with a small smile. “So? What do you say?”

“Yeah. I can do that.”

“Cool.”

“I should be packing it in around 9 or so, take some time to get cleaned up…”

“Whenever. Just text me and meet me at my hotel room.”

“ _Ho_ tel? Fancy.”

“Yeah, no one’s tried to sell me smack yet.” Dean teases as Benny grins and kisses him gently.

“I gotta run, darlin’, but I will see you later tonight.”

“Yeah.” Dean gives him one final kiss before letting go of his apron.

 

The entire gang goes out to an upscale bar for their New Year’s Eve party. Dean’s not having an awful time, but by 9:30 he’s had enough and makes his exit unnoticed. He heads back to the hotel and showers and gets into his pajamas. He’s already in bed by the time that Benny texts that he’s on his way back to the house to get changed. He clicks on the TV to the Twilight Zone marathon and recalls his attraction to Rod Serling.

 

It’s after ten by the time there’s a knock at the door. Dean hauls his butt out of bed and looks out the peep hole to see Benny and grins, opening the door.

“Hey, how’d it go?” He asks as Benny smiles wearily and kisses his cheek as Dean lets him in.

“Not bad, darlin.” He holds up a paper bag, dotted translucent in places from grease and hands it over. “I brought leftovers.”

“Ooh.” Dean takes the bag and peeks inside, seeing little meat pies inside and another paper bag rolled up with little donut holes sprinkled with cinnamon sugar.

“They’re kind of cold, but—“ Dean cuts him off with a kiss and drags him out of the foyer and into the room.

Dean settles back in bed after snagging some paper towels to catch the crumbs and watches Benny change into his pajamas.

“Thought you’d have been all over ringing in the new year with a bang.” Benny comments as he groans while he gets into the bed.

Dean shrugs and hands over a pie, watching Benny take a large bite. “Dunno. Never done this.”

“Done what?”

“A quiet night in.”

“Well, I’m honored to broaden your horizons.” Benny chuckles, as Dean bites into his own pie.

 

They settle in and eat, watching a man on a train find his paradise. They munch on donuts through the woman stalked by the grim reaper, and Benny dozes off through the latter half of the episode and the beginning of the group of stranded travelers and their witch hunt for the alien among them. Dean pokes him awake with 10 minutes to midnight and grins as Benny grunts and protests that he wasn’t sleeping. Dean flips around to the recorded footage of the Times Square ball drop and listens to Benny mock the TV personalities.

 

He exaggeratedly mimics the countdown, listening to Benny chuckle.

Dean turns to Benny as the confetti rains down and smirks. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, cher.” He says, leaning in to kiss him, cupping his cheeks gently. “Mm, got you figured out. You just wanted someone to kiss at midnight.”

“Like I’d have any problem finding anyone to kiss me at midnight.” He scoffs, flipping back to The Twilight Zone before moving closer and resuming their kiss.

“Mmm, sure wouldn’t. Glad you picked me though.” Benny smiles, resting their foreheads together.

“Yeah.” Dean grins and slides his hand over the gap between Benny’s shorts and t-shirt, feeling him laugh and squirm.

 

They kiss throughout “The Midnight Sun” and rock against each other during “The Obsolete Man” until they’re panting and desperate. Dean lets out a relieved sigh when he comes, Benny’s hand working him through it. Benny thrusts once more into the tight channel of Dean’s fist and follows.

Benny lets himself fall to the side and lays on his back, catching his breath.

“See? Still rang in the New Year with a bang.” Dean grins as Benny chuckles.

“Certainly can’t complain.”

Dean drags himself out of bed and finds a washcloth and wets it before wiping the stain out of his shirt. He returns and wipes at the mess on Benny’s stomach, mostly on his skin where his shirt’s rucked up.

“Thanks, cher.” Benny drawls as Dean tosses the rag towards the bathroom and crawls back into bed.

“Mmhm.” Dean curls up beside him and yawns loudly.

 

Sleep comes sometime between “The After Hours” and “The Lonely”, with Dean tucked up against Benny’s side, head pillowed on his chest.

 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 30.

Dean groans softly at the sound of a persistent knocking on the door.   
“Dean?” He hears Sam say from the hall as Benny stirs and cracks an eye open.

“Shh. He’ll go away in a minute.” Dean tells him, tucking his head back under Benny’s chin and sighing easily when Benny’s hand slides up the small of his back.

Sure enough, the knocking ceases after a few moments and Benny kisses the top of Dean’s head.

 

The sound of the beep of the card reader on the door pierces Dean’s sleepy haze and he’s scrambling to untangle himself from Benny as the door opens.

 

“Dean! Where the hell have you been?” Sam calls, coming into the room with Adam on his heels.

He stops once the bed is in view and stares, mouth hanging open as Dean tumbles out of bed, thankfully mostly clothed, Benny following.

“Sam—“ Dean chokes out, feeling his face heat up as Adam masks a snort of laughter.

“What… _Dean_ …” Sam blinks and looks between the two of them before settling his gaze on Dean. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam hisses, pointing at Benny who’s pulling on his jeans. “The caterer? You slept with the caterer?!”

“It’s not what it looks like.” Benny says, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.

“Do you seriously make a habit out of this? Do you sleep with all of your client’s family?”

“Sam, it’s not like that.” Benny tries as Dean shakes his head. “Think we all got some things to talk about.”

“It was a mistake, Sam. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen—“

“So, what you just ran into him?”

“It didn’t mean anything.”

“Dean.” Benny says softly, unable to brush off the sting of the words.

“ _Don’t_.” Dean says, not looking at anyone.

“You’re fired. Keep your stupid deposit.” Sam snaps, as Benny nods.

“Fine, but, this isn’t—“

“Just go.”  Dean interrupts him and Benny’s mouth shuts with an audible click as he stares at Dean.

“Yeah. Fine.” He says after a second and stoops to grab his boots and his bag.

Dean swallows the bile rising in his throat, trying to keep from shaking as he focuses on Adam and Sam’s feet. “Sammy, I’m sorry.”

Adam shakes his head and leaves, heading down to the lobby where they were meeting the rest of the family.

“The _caterer_? For my _wedding_? _Dean_.” Sam says, full of frustration as Dean wraps his arms across his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

Sam sighs and rubs at his face wearily.

“Sammy, please—“

“I need a minute, okay?” Sam tells him, putting up a hand to stop him and leaves the room.

 

 

 

Dean sits shakily on the bed and tries to process exactly what had happened.  He kneads his hands together to stop the trembling as he replays the hurt on Benny’s face, the disappointment on Sam’s, and the cocky smirk on Adam’s.

He swallows the bitter taste in his mouth and stares at the open door. He gets up and packs his things and runs, heading out the side to avoid running into anyone.

The impala roars to life when he turns the key and the familiar hum does nothing to calm his nerves. He pulls out of the lot and just drives.

 

It takes him two hours to work up the nerve to go to Benny’s, ignoring the shrill ring of his cell phone dozens of times.

He sits in Benny’s driveway, hearing the dogs in the yard barking behind the privacy fence. It takes him another five minutes to get out of the car, hands shaking as he lifts the latch for the chain link gate in the front yard and goes up the path.

From there he can see it, the black hefty bag sitting on the porch. He walks up the steps and leans over the bag, pulling at the drawstring to see piles of his clothes, books, and odds and ends that had worked their way into Benny’s home. His stomach turns, but he presses the doorbell, listening to the boys bark louder at the sound.

Benny doesn’t answer, so he hits it again, and a few more times after a few minutes until the door cracks open.

His mouth his set in a tight line, and he doesn’t open the screen door, his huge hand gripping the wood of the door.

“What?” Benny asks, voice weary and betraying the firm exterior.

“What’s this?” Dean asks nudging the bag with his boot, aiming for a bit of levity, with a quiet laugh.

Benny’s soft sigh deflates the hard set of his shoulders slightly. “I’m done.”

“What?” An anxious laugh bubbles out of Dean’s throat as Benny shakes his head.

“I’m done, Dean.” He tells him, voice rough and quiet. “I thought maybe there might have been more to this, like maybe we were just avoiding labels, but I get it. We’ve been walkin’ a thin line for months and I think our signals have been crossed.”

“Benny.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Benny. Come on.” Dean says, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets as Benny shakes his head.

“Am I wrong? Or are we just a mistake?”

Dean’s mouth shuts tightly as words fail him.

Benny waits a few moments before nodding. “I need my key.” He says quietly as Dean squeezes the key-ring in his fist before taking it out of his pocket.

He fumbles to get the key off, fighting the aching emptiness settling in his chest.

“You change your mind, I’m here.” Benny says after Dean holds out the key, staring at it through the screen. “But, I can’t keep hoping this is real when it’s not.” He opens the screen door enough to take the key from Dean’s hand.

“I’m sorry.” Dean manages, voice unsteady as Benny nods.

“Me too.”

 

 

Dean stumbles back to the car in a haze and leaves before he loses it. He makes it an hour and change on I-84 until he sees a sign for a rest stop. He pulls off and parks and heads into the building to lock himself in the restroom stall. He leans against the partition door too distracted to care how filthy it must be, debating on whether or not he’s going to vomit with the churning in his gut. He lets out a shaky exhale and blinks away the prickling sensation behind his eyelids. In a span of a few hours he’d lost everything. His family, Benny—he swallows the wave of nausea and exits the stall. He stands at the sink and pumps out a full handful of soap and scrubs up his hands and forearms before rinsing them under the tap. The water’s so cold it hurts and makes him numb. He splashes water on his face and neck and stays hunched over the sink until someone steps up to the sink two to the left of him.

“You okay?” The man asks hesitantly, and Dean wipes off the drips from this chin and grabs a few paper towels to dry his face. The cheap paper towel catches on his stubble and he wads it in a ball in his fist as he looks at the guy, older, probably someone’s grandfather.

“No.” He says, answering honestly for the first time in his life as he chucks the ball of paper towel into the trash and walks out.

 

He gets back on the interstate and heads East. After a few hours and seeing signs for Boise, he heads home, even though it’s the last place he wants to be, but it’s not like he’s got anywhere else to go.

He has 42 voicemails and over a hundred missed calls by the time he stops to fill up, buying himself a black coffee to combat the fatigue and the chill. He deletes them all while the gas pumps without listening to them or looking at who left them.

He stops once more outside of Boise, finding a Walmart open despite the holiday. He grabs the basics and stops in at the attached liquor store on the way out, filling up a cart with cheap whiskey, vodka and beer.

“Having a party?” The cashier asks in an attempt to be friendly.  

He doesn’t answer and just asks for a carton of cigarettes, handing over his debit card.

 

Dean stows the impala in the garage in an attempt to maybe hide the fact that he’s there, hoping they get more snow to cover the tire tracks. He unpacks his provisions and immediately cracks open a bottle of whiskey, taking a hearty swallow that burns his raw throat. He crawls up to the loft and in between the cool sheets, keeping the bottle tucked up against his chest. His phone rings on the kitchen table but he just takes another drink.

 

 

 

He wakes up sometime the next morning with a pounding headache, sticky with spilled whiskey, the empty bottle beside him. His stomach lurches as he sits up and he scrambles down the ladder, missing the last step and stumbling into the back of the couch with momentum before barely making it to the toilet. He vomits until his chest aches, hugging the cold porcelain until there’s nothing left. He rinses out his mouth and flushes before staggering into the kitchenette, staring at his dead phone on the table. He makes no move to plug it in, instead crashing onto the couch wearily.

 

He has almost a day of peace before the pounding on the door starts. He’s been fighting off his hangovers by drinking more until he’s numb and stupid.

He yells down the stairs at whoever’s knocking to fuck off and leave him alone, not caring how petulant it sounds.

 

He dries out enough the next night to leave and head to the bar he used to work at. He slams back shots and joins a game of pool with a few guys, eventually raising the stakes to earn a few bucks. Even as drunk as he is, he’s still good enough to beat them, which doesn’t go over well when it’s time to pay up and Dean takes the pile of bills from the empty beer glass.

He just smirks when they advance on him, itching for a fight, but only a few punches get thrown before strong hands grab his arms and yank him away before a solid form steps between him and the two guys.

Dean just laughs, wiping at his split lip, shoving at the guy who came to his rescue. “I can fucking take care of myself.” He slurs, shoving again.

“Shut up, Dean.” He says, frowning, and Dean squints at him, realizing it’s Eliot, one of the guys he used to sleep with.

“Fuck off,” One of the guys says as Eliot shakes his head.

“I suggest you break it up, before the cops get called.” Eliot says as the other guy looks nervous. “That’s what I thought. Get out of here.” He says before taking Dean’s arm and dragging him to the bar.

“Let go of me.” Dean protests, hitting at the arm connected to the hand gripping his bicep.

Eliot lays down a few crisp bills to cover Dean’s tab and guides him to the door.

“Let go!” He shouts again as Eliot marches him outside into the cold.

“Keys.” He says simply as Dean hits him again. Eliot sighs wearily and reaches into Dean’s jacket pocket and takes the keys to the impala before guiding him to a sleek sedan.

Dean stops fighting when Eliot stops next to the passenger’s side door and leans against the cold metal. “Yeah, okay.” He slurs, grabbing at Eliot’s belt and moving to his knees.

Eliot catches him before his knees hit the gravel and yanks him back up. “Stop.”

“What? Am I under arrest, _Detective_?” He asks as Eliot opens the passenger side door and manhandles him inside.

“No, I’m taking you home.”

“Yeah? Gonna cuff me to the bed, Detective?” Dean laughs, leaning over and kissing him, sliding his hand up his thigh. “Gonna fuck me until I scream? Huh? Gonna punish me?”

Eliot’s breath leaves him in a huff, hanging in a heavy cloud in the cold air as he removes Dean’s hand and guides him back to his seat. “Put your belt on, I’m taking you to your home, not mine.”

“Okay, why not. Doesn’t matter. I could blow you right here—“

“Seatbelt.” Eliot says sternly until Dean buckles up and pulls out the flask from the inside pocket of his leather jacket.

Eliot doesn’t say anything, just pulls out of the lot and onto the main road, coaxing the directions out of Dean turn by turn.

“What’s going on with you?” He finally questions, watching Dean drain the flask out of the corner of his eye. “You were acting strange the last time I saw you, and now you’re a wreck.”

“Everythin’s all fucked up.” Dean slurs, leaning his head against the cold glass of the window.

“Are you in trouble? What kind of trouble?” He asks hesitantly.

“The I ruined my brother’s wedding, the my family found out I fuck dudes, and I feel like the piece of shit I am kind.” Dean snaps as Eliot nods and taps his fingers against the steering wheel.

“So, that’s what the whole it’s not you, it’s me thing was about?”

Dean doesn’t answer, just takes another drink.

Eliot nods again and keeps driving until Dean tells him to make a left.

The lights are all out in the main house by the time Eliot pulls the sedan down the snow crusted dirt road towards the barn.

He helps Dean up the stairs and onto the couch, not bothering to try and get him up the ladder to the loft.

Dean reaches for him again, trying to pull him down with him. “Come on. Just—come on.” He huffs, tugging at Eliot’s clothing until Eliot pries his hands away.

“No, Dean.” He says gently enough that Dean flops down onto the pillows and covers his face with his hands.

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” He says, reaching for the mostly empty bottle on the coffee table.

Eliot lets him and goes into the kitchenette.

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 31.

Dean wakes up to the sound of a truck outside and drags himself upright off the couch. His mouth is dry and his head is aching, and he can feel each throb of his pulse in the split in his lip. He stares at the glass of water and bottle of aspirin on the coffee table before going to the small window. A tow truck is carefully depositing the impala in front of the barn. He wanders towards the kitchenette and finds all of the half empty and full bottles drained of their contents, lined up on the counter. Eliot also plugged his phone in, and the LED is blinking with notice of more missed messages.

He finds a few beers left in the fridge and pops the cap on one before heading downstairs in last night’s clothing, still in his boots.

“Hey, how much do I owe you.” Dean asks, voice rough as he squints at the driver who shakes his head.

“All paid, man.”

“Fuck.” Dean sighs and digs into his pocket for a few bills from his wallet for a tip.

“Thanks.” He says, handing over the keys that Eliot had taken from him.

 

Dean sips on his beer while the driver gets back in his truck and heads back down the driveway. He circles the Impala looking for damage and finding none and opens the garage bay doors.

Adam’s standing there when he turns back around and Dean tenses.

“Let me pull it into the garage, you’re just gonna take off one of the mirrors.” He offers as Dean rounds to the driver’s side and takes another drink.

“Fuck off.”

“Real mature.” Adam rolls his eyes as Dean yanks open the door harder than intended.

“I don’t want your help, you fucking snitch!” Dean shouts, seeing red. “Bet you couldn’t wait to go running to mommy and daddy to tell them what you saw! You know, I never, ever sold you out! Not once. I might not fucking like you, but I always had your back! Who do you think covered for your dumb ass when you came in after curfew, or snuck out? Who do you think took the fall when Kate found that baggie of weed in your pocket when she was doing laundry? Who do you think fessed up when you were sneaking Dad’s beers? So, fuck you.”

“You’re really messed up, you know that, right?” Adam tells him as Dean glares at him.

“I’ll show you messed up, you little shit!” He chucks the beer bottle at him and misses by a mile.

Adam shakes his head and goes back towards the house as Dean gets in the car and pulls it into the garage.

 

He locks himself back inside and settles back down on the couch, lighting up a cigarette.

Within half an hour, there’s a pounding at the door.

“Dean! Open up!” John shouts and Dean doesn’t move, other than to light another cigarette. “Dean!” A few more thumps, before a muffled curse and the sound of a key in the lock.

John’s boots are heavy on the stairs as he takes them slowly and stands at the landing, looking at the mess.

“Dean.” John says quietly, sounding hesitant before rounding the couch. “Jesus, you look horrible.”

“Thanks.” Dean says with a fake smile, saluting him with the cigarette.

“Look, we need to talk.”

“Don’t bother.” Dean tells him, leaning back against the cushions and rubbing at his temples. “I’ll be out of here in a few days.”

“You think I’m kicking you out?” John asks, taken aback. He takes a good look at his son, not at the booze, the cigarette, but Dean himself. And really sees him. Not who they all thought Dean was, but Dean. John wonders just how long he hadn’t been seeing Dean, if maybe he never had. It's enough to break his heart.

“Why not? You never wanted me in the first place.” Dean stares at the cigarette burning down between his fingers. "Why don't I matter to you?"

“Dean…” John sighs and shakes his head. “That’s not fair.” John never thought that, wonders what he had done to make Dean think that way.

“No—you know what’s not fair?” Dean snaps, looking him dead in the eye. “You always putting me last. Take care of Sam, do this, do that—you never let me do anything I wanted. You treated me like some tag-along. Everything was always my fault, I was the one taking all the shit, and then you find Kate and it’s like none of the shit ever happened, like Mom never happened, and I was just supposed to forget! I was never good enough for you. I’m not smart like Sam and Adam, I’m not going anywhere, I’m all fucked up, and no matter what I do I’m never good enough.”

“Dean…” John sighs and sinks into the recliner, looking defeated. “I’m sorry. I’m never going to win any father of the year award, I get it. But all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy and make something for yourself.”

"If that's true, then why have you never once actually said that to me? Why did Sam and Adam get all the motivational speeches and it feel like all I got was try not to fuck it up too much?" Dean hates the way he's blinking back tears, hates the stinging in his eyes.

John tries to catch Dean's eye, but Dean won't look directly at him. John tries to think of what to say, he's never been good at talking to Dean, and he realizes just how many of their problems are because this is the moment where he usually gives up and walks away. This time though, John is determined to find some words, maybe just once the right ones. 

 

“You’re so much like your mother, Dean.” John begins. “You’re headstrong, clever, and more sensitive than you’ll ever let on, and maybe that’s been hard for me. It doesn’t make it right, but maybe it’s something. I should have been more supportive and I shouldn’t have let you keep suffering.” He stares at his hands and shakes his head. “I just need you to know that I’m proud of you, and I know you can do whatever you want and succeed. I’m not going to say I’m ready to run out and join a parade, but gay, straight, whatever, you’re my son, Dean. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be honest with me.”

Dean grinds out his cigarette when it burns down to the filter and wipes his palms on his thighs. “I never told anyone because it was something I couldn’t take back. It felt like the thing that would really make you see me differently, not the drinking, the pills, all that.”

“Dean.” John says quietly and shakes his head. “So? What’s his name?”

Dean looks at him with a frown, expecting him to have the rundown from Sam, or even Adam’s cliff-notes of the encounter. “You don’t…?”

“Don’t what? Adam just said that he’d met your boyfriend. Sam didn’t say much of anything.”

Dean swallows the wave of guilt that rises in his throat and hangs his head. “Doesn’t matter. We broke up.”

“Why?”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it.” He says as John nods, looking a tiny bit relieved.

“Okay. If you do…I’m here.” He offers, getting up and clapping Dean a little awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Look, just…if you…” John stumbles over the words and sighs. “Don’t let this go on our account, okay?”

Dean stares, a little in shock still as John tugs him to his feet and into a brief hug.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Do everyone a favor and please take a shower.” John tells him, making a face that startles a laugh out of Dean.

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

 

It takes Dean another two days to get the courage to call Sam.

“Look, I’m sorry.” He says once the line connects.

“Dean!” Sam shouts and Dean actually holds the phone away from his ear. “Hold on!” He hears Sam excuse himself and the sound of rustling and shutting doors, likely Sam retreating to his office. “Dean!” He repeats, and Dean braces himself for the tirade that doesn’t come. “I’m gonna be a daddy!” He shouts as Dean actually lets out a slight sigh of relief, deciding that’s one less thing he needs to keep from Sam. “I was telling Jess about how we were going to have to move the wedding if we couldn’t get another caterer and she started yelling at me about how her dress wasn’t going to fit if we moved back the wedding and I thought she was talking about giving up on her diet, but, Dean, I’m gonna be a daddy.”

“Yeah, Sammy.” Dean says shakily as he sits back on the couch, making a note to get some fabreeze and air out the loft.

“You knew?” Sam asks, shocked as Dean winces.

“Not that long. Jess needed someone to run interference. Someone had to drink her booze for her.” He tries to joke as Sam laughs and he hears the squeak of his desk chair.

“Dean. I need to apologize, I kind of really, really overreacted. You might be right about this bridezilla—I mean groomzilla thing, I was an asshole, okay? I totally don’t care that you slept with him. Especially because he’s a he, okay? That was a total non-issue, Dean.”

“Really?” Dean asks as Sam laughs.

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter to me, Dean. Seriously? You thought I’d care?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s over between us.”

“Shit. Dean. I’m sorry. Do you need me to talk to him?”

“Why would you talk to him? It was my goddamn fault. I told you, I always fuck this shit up.”

“So, it wasn’t just a fling?” Sam asks cautiously and Dean doesn’t answer. “ _Oh._ ” Sam says, drawing his conclusions and sighing. “Dean, I’m sorry, really I am.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Sammy, just drop it. It’s better this way, alright?” Dean sighs and picks at a loose thread on the upholstery.

“Well, I guess it’s good that I didn’t hire him back then? Might be awkward with your ex catering the wedding…”

 

 

Dean slowly but surely pulls himself back together. He gets some temporary work in a new apartment complex under construction, laying carpet and painting. He makes an effort to apologize to Adam and receives one in return, all while taking steps to repair his relationship with his father and Kate.

Jess insists that he at least come to California for the bachelorette party the next week so she can at least show off her tiny baby bump. He spends a few hours out with Sam and his friends but skips out early to go back to the hotel room.

Charlie, who’s finally made it back to the States, stumbles in around two and wakes Dean as she bangs around. Dean rubs at his eyes, only just dozing in the light of the television, and watches her lock the door.

“Hey.” He rasps as she jumps and laughs.

“Sorry! How long have you been back?”

“A while.” He sits up and hangs his legs over the side of the bed.

“What? Lame.” Charlie laughs and slumps against the dresser and kicks out of her knockoff Louboutin pumps. She rubs her feet idly and frowns at him.

“Well, it got a little awkward when Sam started to try and set me up with some guys at the bar, so…” Dean explains, rubbing his face wearily as she winces.

“Yeah, okay. Awkward.” She admits, struggling over and standing between his knees with her back to him.

He reaches up and drags down the zipper of her black sparkly mini-dress and unhooks the black strapless bra for her. She shimmies out of the dress and tosses the bra in the direction of her shoes, completely unabashed by walking around in only lacy black panties.

Dean sighs and kicks at her thigh gently before she’s out of reach and rooting around in her suitcase for a t-shirt. “You didn’t have to come back for me.”

“I didn’t come back for you.”

“You’re wearing your lucky panties, you never come home in your lucky panties.” He tells her as she smirks and tugs on a shirt that reads “Damnit Jim!”.

“Who says I didn’t get lucky already?” She winks and flops back onto the bed.

“Hot.” He says, but his heart isn’t in it.

“Dean, you need to get back out there. This whole…moping thing is…weird.” She says as he lays down next to her.

“I’m not moping.”

“I know this hasn’t been easy for you—I know you’d have never come out on your own, but your family is really being great. Even your dad is trying. It could have been a lot worse.” Charlie curls up against his side and yawns. “Doesn’t it kind of feel better?”

“I don’t know.” Dean admits, shrugging slightly. “I just feel…exposed. And it’s all for nothing.”

“What do you mean?”

“All that, and I still fucked everything up.”

“You need to get over him, Dean.” Charlie tells him, groping around for the remote on the bedspread. “You and me, tomorrow, we’ll go down to San Francisco, hit a bunch of bars, and you will forget all about that guy.” She turns off the TV, sending the room into darkness.

Dean doesn’t answer, just shrugs noncommittally as she dozes off. He doesn’t mention that he doesn’t want to forget about Benny.

 

 

His birthday is at the end of the month and while he doesn’t feel like celebrating (when has he ever), it’s not really his call. The only upside is, it’s a relatively small affair. Charlie carpools in with Sam and Jess, Bobby, Jo, and Ellen come from South Dakota, and John and Kate host the party.

He puts on a happy face and does his best to act grateful, even though all he wants to do is retreat back to the loft and sleep.

No one makes a big deal about what happened at New Years, and he avoids any more heartfelt discussions until Bobby joins him on the back porch, beer in hand. Dean holds out the pack of cigarettes and lets Bobby take one, sitting in the brushed off chair that had been mostly shielded from the snow by the porch roof.

 

“So, he the one you were talkin’ about when you were gettin’ all curious about love?” He asks gently, before pursing his lips around the filter.

Dean winces and taps the ash off his cigarette and into the dusting of snow on the wood planks of the porch. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Think it does.” Bobby shrugs and Dean shakes his head.

“Why is everyone so okay with this?” He finally asks as Bobby stares at him before laughing quietly, taking a drink of his beer.

“What? You wanted a fight? You wanted them to kick you out? Why are you so surprised that your family cares about you?”

Dean doesn’t answer, just redirects. “So, you’re okay with it?”

Bobby smirks again and takes another drag. “You think I didn’t know?”

“What?”

“Dean, Elle and I have known for…shit, twenty years?”

“What?” Dean repeats as Bobby flicks away the collection of ash.

“Teenagers are not an eighth as subtle as they think they are. You think we didn’t notice you and Nick were a _little_ close when you brought him to visit? Besides, Jo caught you two kissing in one of the junkers when she went to get you for dinner one night.” He chuckles as Dean stares in disbelief.

“And you never said anything?”

“Why would we? We’ve never been subtle about supporting you, figured you’d tell us when you were ready.” Bobby shrugs a little and gestures at him with his beer. “Or, when you got caught. Whichever came first.”

Dean laughs in surprise and hangs his head, puffing on his cigarette.

“So, this Benny guy?”

“Told you, it doesn’t matter.”

“So why you still in such a funk?”

Dean kicks at a patch of snow and shrugs.

“Didn’t think I helped raise a coward.” Bobby finally says, stamping out the butt of the cigarette as Dean glares at him. “Knock this shit off, go crawling back and put your cards on the table, boy. Life’s too short to sit around feeling sorry about what could have been.”

“What if he says no?”

“You asked me before how you know if someone’s the one?” Dean nods and Bobby gets up with a grunt as his bones protest.

“So? Is he the one?”

“Maybe.” Dean admits with a shrug.

“Well go find out. If he tells you to get lost, he’s not worth your time. If you try again, you’re on the right track. Doesn’t mean it’s gonna be easy, or some fairytale, but you won’t know until you try.” Bobby claps him heavily on the shoulder and fixes him with a look before jerking his head towards the door. “Now come inside, it’s too damn cold out, you’re gonna get pneumonia.”

 


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 32.

 

It’s Valentine’s Day weekend when he finally gets the nerve to return to Portland, after his work at the apartment complex is done. He spends an hour parked at the curb at the beginning of Benny’s street before he finally manages to pull up to the house.

The dogs go crazy when they hear the rumble of the Impala’s engine, dashing any hope he had of escaping. He grabs the envelope from his duffle on the passenger seat and gets out of the car. He ignores how his hands shake as he lifts the latch to the chain link gate of the fence that lines the perimeter of the front yard.

He can hear Tank and Jackson whining in the backyard and barking at the white slats of the privacy fence.

His boots sound heavy on the porch steps and the doorbell is deafeningly loud when he presses the button.

It takes a while before Benny answers and any bluster Dean had found drains away.

“Hey.” Benny says after a moment of silence, the screen door between them.

“Hi.” Dean replies weakly, holding out the envelope. “I…uh.” He clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably. “Here.” He shakes the envelope at the screen until Benny hesitantly opens the door, keeping it propped open with his side. “It’s not all of it. It’s gonna take me a while, but I wanted to pay you back since you’re out the cash for Sam’s wedding.”

Benny stares at the envelope for a moment before handing it back. “This was never about the money.”

“No. I know.” Dean says, shaking his head. “I just…I wanted to pay you back.”

“Not necessary.” Benny tells him, forcing the envelope back into his hand and retreating inside.

“Wait.” Dean says before the door shuts. “Just…please.” Benny sighs and leans against the door frame. “Can we please talk?”

Benny hesitates a moment before grabbing his coat from the hall closet and shrugging it on.

He steps out onto the front porch and extracts his cigarettes from his pocket, moving to sit on one of the wooden chairs.

Without the haze of the screen between them, Dean can see how haggard he looks, worse than when he’d run off months ago. He looks like he hasn’t been sleeping and his beard is unkempt, while the fine lines around his eyes and forehead seem deeper.

Dean sits in the other chair slowly and rests his elbows on his knees.

Benny smokes while Dean buys time.

“I’m not okay.” He finally says, staring at the fine grain of the wood beneath his boots. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep…I just…” He sighs heavily and scrubs at his face with his hands, cheeks numb from the cold. “I’ve been running away from this for as long as I can remember and now that it’s caught up to me? I don’t know what to do.” He laughs bitterly and shakes his head. “I…I miss you.” He admits finally, keeping his gaze downward. “I think when we were together was the first time I was ever really happy. And I know that I really, really fucked this up, and I hurt you and I can’t take that back. I know that. I know that just because I’m sorry, doesn’t mean we get to start over. But…I need you to give me another chance.” He sighs and kneads his hands together. “I’m not gonna lie, the idea terrifies me, but I need to try.”

“Dean…” Benny says quietly as Dean sits up straight and shoots him a weak smile.

“Look, uh, I have a table saved at the Greek place for six. Just…if you want…I’ll be there, okay?” He stands quickly and retreats down the steps and hurries for the car.

 

 

Dean’s leg is jiggling so hard that it’s rocking the table and clinking the little votive candle in its glass bowl. He’s on his second beer, having arrived nearly half an hour early. Thankfully, even though it’s Valentine’s weekend, the restaurant isn’t packed, probably considered too lowbrow to most couples.

He can see the door from his seat and lets out a sigh of relief when Benny’s bulky frame enters. He can’t help smiling as he watches Benny remove his hat and greet the owner, an older man named Elias who shakes his hand vigorously and guides him towards Dean’s table.

“I’ll bring you beer.” Elias says, clapping Benny on the shoulder before he shrugs out of his coat and drapes it on the back of his chair.

“Hi.” Dean says, staring up at him, chest fluttering at the quirk of Benny’s lips.

“Candle, huh?” He comments as he sits.

“Elias insisted.” Dean explains, flicking one of the other glass bowls flanking it. “The roses were already here too.”

“Figured as much, flowers don’t sound your style.” Benny smirks, letting his elbows rest on the edge of the table.

“So…how have you been?” He asks as Benny shrugs.

“Ok, I guess.”

“Oh.” Dean says as Benny laughs softly.

“What? You wanted me to tell you I’ve been a mess, and that I’m miserable?”

“No…I.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t want you to be miserable. I just—“

“It’s been a little rough.” Benny admits and Dean ducks his head.

“Yeah. Rough is putting it kindly.”

“How are things at home?”

Dean sips on his beer while Elias puts down a beer for Benny and leaves them menus.

“Honestly? It’s…weird.” He laughs and leans back in his chair. “Everyone’s been…really okay about everything. But it’s just….really strange. It’s like I can finally breathe after being underwater for so long.”

“I’m glad, Dean. Really. No matter what, I’m glad things are okay.”

“It’s just been weird without you.” He admits shyly. “I don’t think I realized how accustomed I’d gotten to you. I just…I can finally relax, but it just felt wrong without you.”

Benny nods and takes a long sip of his beer. “Yeah. I get it. The dogs keep looking for you in the house. Someone drove some old mustang down the street a few weeks ago and they went nuts thinking it was you.”

“So…just the dogs missed me?” Dean can’t help but ask as Benny ducks his head to hide his smile.

“I might have missed you a little bit. Just a bit, though.” He admits, as Dean hides his face in the menu to obscure his smile.

They order dolmathes, and spanakopita to start, and a platter of gyros, souvlaki, and falafel to split.

“Look…” Benny says, poking at the grape leaves with his fork. “You’re right, in that we don’t get a do-over. We can’t just snap our fingers and take it all back.”

Dean washes down the mouthful of spanakopita with some beer, his stomach flopping anxiously.

“That being said,” Benny continues, pushing around some of the ground beef and rice that has escaped through the hole he’d made in the grape leaf exterior. “I think we both share the blame on this. And I want you to know that I’m willing at giving this a proper shot if you are. But I mean it, proper.”

“Really?” Dean asks as Benny nods.

“I like you, Dean. A lot. I liked you the second you started making jokes when we first met. Ever since Andrea, I’ve never quite managed to let myself consider the possibility of being in a relationship and I should have known better, but I liked you enough that I’d take whatever you gave me. I…I took a really big risk with that.”

“I’m glad you did. Even if it backfired.” Dean tells him, nudging him under the table with his foot.

“I think there’s still hope.” Benny smiles softly and nudges him back.

“Yeah. I can’t guarantee it’s gonna be pretty, but I’m gonna try.”

 

 

 

Dean shifts anxiously on Benny’s porch. They’d walked around after dinner and Benny let Dean drive him home.

“I had a great time.” Dean says, smiling and feeling the distance close between them.

“I did too.” Benny replies before they lean in for a brief kiss.

Dean can’t help but groan at the contact, keeping hold of Benny’s coat to keep him close.

“Do you want to come in?” Benny asks as Dean smiles against his lips.

“Thought we were doing this proper.” He murmurs as Benny laughs and squeezes his hips.

“I could do you proper.” He teases as Dean smirks and kisses him once more.

“We should probably take this slow. But, do you wanna maybe get lunch before I leave tomorrow?”

Benny sighs and nods, giving him a hug. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

 

 

Dean drives out to Portland again the next weekend and they spend the evening in a smoky bar listening to some local band play. They spend Sunday walking around Sellwood and eat an early dinner at a homey Italian place before Dean heads back to Boise.

 

He calls Sam on his drive back, to kill time.

“Hey, Sammy, what you up to?”

“Dean! Hey! Just working on seating arrangements with Jess. What’s up?”

“Nothing much, just wanted to check in.”

“You in the car?”

“Yeah.” Dean answers a bit hesitantly, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “Yeah. Driving back from Portland.”

“Portland?” Sam questions and Dean can hear the grin in his voice. “Is that what I think it means? Did you and Benny kiss and make up?”

Dean feels his face heat up as he replays their goodbye kiss in his mind. “Yeah.” He admits sheepishly. “We’re giving it a shot this time, trying to do it right.”

“Dean!” Sam cheers and Jess laughs loudly in the background. “That’s awesome, I’m really happy for you two! So, what’s the plan?”

“Plan? I…I don’t know. We’re taking it slow.”

“Really? And how’s that going?”

Dean lets out a groan and shakes his head. “It’s killing me, but it’s good.” He laughs and passes a minivan going far too slow for the left lane. “So, did you find a new caterer yet?”

“No, but, we have a few ideas.”

 

 

Their plan for taking it slow goes out the window the next time Dean visits. He was already intending on staying the night, but when Benny answers the door all sweaty from tidying up the yard any plans Dean had of at least waiting until tonight are gone. Benny’s at least entirely on board with the idea.

 

Dean groans as Benny kisses roughly at his neck. “Fuck, you smell so good. You’re gross right now, why do you smell so good?” Dean says with frustration, tugging at Benny’s shirt. “Is this really what it’s like when people go without sex for a few months?”

Benny laughs and easily tosses Dean onto the bed, leaning over to tug off his boots. “Woe is you.”

 

It’s hot and desperate and clumsy with need but Dean loves every second of it. And even though it’s over far too soon, neither has to say anything to know they’re not going to make their dinner reservations.

Dean grins into the soft skin of Benny’s throat, tangled up with his larger frame. “Not bad.”

“Six out of ten.” Benny comments, squirming when Dean nips at his neck.

“So, I was thinking.” Dean says after a few peacefully quiet moments, sitting up a little to look at Benny. “Since you’re kinda gonna be free probably…did you maybe want to…I don’t know…be my date to Sam’s wedding?” Dean asks hesitantly as Benny squints at him.

“Sam didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Well…I assumed he did. But, he rehired us for the wedding.”

“What?! Oh. Okay. I mean, that’s great.” Dean laughs nervously and Benny kisses him softly.

“But, yeah. I would love to be your date for the wedding.”

“Actually, I think that might be better anyhow…now I’ll be able to hide out in the kitchen.”

 

Sam laughs when Dean calls to yell at him for not telling him.

“What? I didn’t think you’d get the balls to ask him to the wedding.”

“Excuse me, I have plenty of balls—“

“Okay, so what? Do you want me to fire him again?”

“No. We’ll work something out.” Dean laughs and settles down in Benny’s bed with the dogs hogging most of it.

 

 

With his steady work dried up in Boise, he stays in Portland through the week and heads back for the weekend to visit his family and get some more clothes.

“So? How’s Benny?” Kate asks as Dean flushes and takes a long drink of his beer. “What? Was Sam not supposed to tell us you two are on the mend?”

“No. Uh. I.” He stammers and shrugs. “We’re okay. He’s doing alright. Working hard. They got another good write-up, so they’ve been packed from open to close the past few days.”

“Are you going back next week?” Kate asks, passing Dean the mashed potatoes.

“Uh, yeah. He’s off Mondays…so…” He mumbles as Kate smiles.

“You know, we’d love to meet him, Dean.”

John surprises him by piping up and Dean stares.

“Uh. Well. I. It might be a little soon. You know with the.” Dean fumbles, pushing his green beans away from his potatoes.

“Are you going to move there?” Kate asks, trying to help dispel his awkwardness.

“What you want me gone?” He tries to deflect as John shakes his head.

“If he goes, can I get the loft?” Adam asks as Dean glares at him.

“We didn’t mean that. It’s just gotta be rough goin back and forth all the time.”

Dean shrugs and takes a bite of his meatloaf. “I guess. I don’t know yet. I mean…I’ve been kinda looking for jobs…” And he has been, but to no avail.

“Well, just know we support whatever you decide.” Kate says and Dean cringes at the sincerity of it.

“Yeah, whatever, but seriously, do I get the loft if he moves out?” Adam asks again. 


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 33.

 

Dean wakes up before Benny on Monday morning, having arrived in Portland the night before for a late dinner of leftovers from the café. He shifts and nudges Benny until he wakes with a soft grunt, tipping onto his back when Dean gives him a gentle push.

“Mmm, wha?” He groans as Dean grins and slips out of his boxer briefs. He chuckles and smiles. “Good mornin’, cher.” He rumbles, lifting up his hips when Dean’s fingers dip beneath the band of his boxers.

“Morning.” Dean echoes, pressing a kiss to Benny’s belly before wrapping his hand around Benny’s hardening cock.

Benny lets out a soft sigh as Dean straddles his hips once he’s fully hard and sinks down, still loose and slick from the night before.

Benny’s hands come to rest on Dean’s hips while Dean places his hands on Benny’s chest for leverage. Dean rocks slow and easy, eventually curling over to kiss Benny, moving his hands to cup his scruffy cheeks.

It doesn’t take long before Dean’s close, Benny’s hand wrapped around his cock, stroking him in time with every roll of his hips. Dean comes first, Benny working him through it and coaxing him onto his back. Benny raises his hips and fucks him slow and deep until Dean’s shaking and grabbing at whatever part of Benny he can reach. His cock lets out one last jet of cum as Benny comes inside him, hot and wet.

Dean stays tangled around him as they catch their breath, unable to shake the smile that spreads across his lips as he kisses Benny’s shoulder, running his tongue across the ink under his skin.

Benny’s laughter rumbles between them, vibrating against Dean’s ribs as he nuzzles behind his ear.

 

When they find that they can move again, they hop in the shower before heading downstairs. Benny feeds the dogs and lets them out while Dean puts the coffee on.

Benny returns and slides his cold hands under Dean’s shirt to warm them up, getting an elbow to the ribs. Dean laughs and leans back against him while he scans the contents of the fridge. Dean’s still cautious about their status, but it’s refreshing to be open with his affection, and it’s apparent that Benny feels the same, not holding back with his own affection.

Benny kisses the side of his neck gently, keeping his arms looped around Dean’s middle.

“I don’t feel like cooking.” He announces, craning his neck to give Benny better access.

“Me neither.” Benny says, muffled against the underside of his chin. “What’d’ya say we head on out, grab breakfast, and walk around like a bunch of bums and hit the store on the way home?” He suggests as Dean nods easily.

 

 

“So, my family wants to meet you.” Dean says, tucked away at a booth in the back of a trendy diner.

Benny, to his credit, doesn’t do a spit-take with his coffee and looks only mildly horrified. “Uh…”

Dean stares across the table, poking at his steak and eggs. “Not good?”

“No,” Benny wipes his mouth with his napkin and shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” He clears his throat and dips a corner of his toast in the runny yolk of his egg. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Oh. I mean. I wasn’t suggesting it, or anything…it was just funny.” He ducks his head and takes a bite of his omelet.  “I kept getting all these questions.”

“That’s probably a good sign.” Benny says as Dean shrugs and spears a chunk of pancake.

“Still weird.”

“I was kind of hoping we’d maybe wait until the wedding…when there was more reason to maybe not make trouble.”

Dean looks up and smirks after a moment. “Are you nervous about meeting my family?”

Benny shoots him a look and takes another sip of coffee. “Of course I’m nervous, it’s only natural, cher, but I’m just a bit worried that the other shoe’s gonna drop when they do meet me.”

Dean grins and kicks at him under the table. “You’re totally freaked out.”

Benny actually glares at him. “I’m not freaked out, I just want to make sure they like me because I like you a hell of a lot and I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

Dean ducks his head bashfully and takes another bite of his eggs. “They’re gonna like you. What’s not to like?”

“Well, just a bit concerned that it’s gonna hit them when they actually meet me and burst their happy little supportive bubble.”

“This is really weird that I’m more okay with this than you.”

“No kidding.” Benny laughs, shaking his head and using his fork to break off a piece of his sausage.

“So, since we’re on the topic…what would you say if I was looking for work here?”

Benny smiles slowly and nods. “I’d say I’m completely on board with that idea.”

“Would it be okay if I crashed at your place while I get on my feet and get my own place?”

Benny drinks more coffee before answering. “Of course, stay as long as you want.”

“Really? Thank you.” He says with a smile.

 

 

Dean’s kind of happy he hasn’t found a job when he realizes that they’re only three weeks out from the wedding. Sam calls him in panic mode, babbling about centerpieces and seating charts and starts dissolving into what sounds like Latin over the phone as he tries to vent.

Benny smiles and brings Dean a cup of coffee, Sam having apparently forgotten that Monday was the only day the two got to sleep in.

“Sam. Slow down. Stop.” Dean tries to cut in as Benny lays back down next to him, propped up on the pillows, sipping at his own mug. The dogs sneak up onto the bed and curl up at the foot, sprawling over their legs. Dean rubs his temples, keeping the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder before taking a long drink of his coffee, glaring affectionately at Benny when he starts to chuckle.

“Sam!” He snaps, all three canine heads popping up to check that they’re not in trouble. Dean sighs and pets each head until it sinks back to the comforter. “Sam.” He tries again until Sam stops to breathe. “What can I do?”

“Is Benny there?” He asks as Dean looks down to Benny watching his smile dim.

“Yeah, Sammy, café’s closed Monday.”

“Shit, Dean I forgot—“

“It’s fine, Sammy, just tell me what you need.”

Sam starts rattling off a whole bunch of catering demands and eventually Dean sets his coffee on the night table and thrusts the phone into Benny’s hand.

“Hey…Sam?” Benny asks, clearing his throat a little awkwardly as Dean settles back down next to him. “Just go slow, alright? Whatever it is, we can work around it.”

Dean tucks his face into Benny’s side as he talks business, assuring Sam that yes, it’s not a problem for him to do a few vegan entrees, and that yes, he can make a few orders of the pasta gluten free.

It takes nearly twenty minutes for Dean to be able to take the phone back.

“Sam? We good now?”

“No, Dean. There’s so much shit to do—“

“Alright. I’m coming, okay?”

“What? No. I can’t have you do that?”

“Why? You had me being your errand boy for nearly six months, what’s another few weeks.”

“Well…Benny.”

“I’m sure we’ll live. Just make up the guest room and send me the list of everything that needs to get done, alright?”

“Dean, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m freaking sure. Consider it your wedding gift, and reimbursement for the open bar that I’m going to fuck up at the wedding.” Dean grins and Benny rolls his eyes at him affectionately.

 

When Dean finally manages to hang up, he half frowns.

“Should I have asked you? How does this even work?” He asks as Benny laughs and kisses him.

“No, darlin. It’s fine. He sounds like he could use the help. Come on, let’s get moving and take care of what we can here first.”

“What? You don’t have to come, it’s your day off.”

“Well, my only plans for the day were laying around the house with you, so, might as well.” He smirks as Dean’s chest does the happy little flutter that doesn’t feel quite so scary anymore.

 

They hit the road with travel mugs of coffee and stop at a food cart for breakfast burritos before heading up to the venue to take care of some issue with chairs or something equally ridiculous.

 

Dean’s on the road to Palo Alto by the afternoon, a little later than intended, but feeling a bit better about ruining Benny’s day off. He makes excellent time and rolls into town a little after 2 and checks into a motel to get some rest and not wake them up. He meets Sam for breakfast and gets a run-down of what needs doing and settles in for the long haul.

 

He spends two weeks doing the finalization preps and trying to pretend that the bed didn’t feel too empty. He even catches himself missing the dogs at times. Dean would forever deny his time spent hot gluing decorations and frosting glass candle holders and countless hours on Pintrest. When he finally heads back to Portland it really does feel like coming home in a way that’s both a little frightening and relieving. He’s greeted by over 200 pounds of fur when he pulls into the driveway, all three dogs barking and jumping at the fence in excitement. He fights his way in the gate and drops his bag, and submits to the sniff test. He swats away wayward paws and cringes away from slimy dog kisses.

A sharp whistle breaks up the frenzy and Benny tosses a tennis ball in the opposite direction, sending the boys running.

Dean laughs and rubs the slobber off his cheek and pats Nana once more on the head as he gets up and staggers up the porch.

“How you holdin’ up, cher?” Benny asks, smiling warmly as Dean hesitates only a second before leaning all his weight against him. He inhales deeply in the crook of Benny’s neck, smelling smoke, and cologne and the lingering traces of spices. “That good, huh?” Benny asks, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the back of his neck.

Dean only grunts and noses at Benny’s throat.

“C’mon, darlin.” Benny chuckles, rubbing his palm against Dean’s back briefly before guiding him towards the door. “Go on and shower, I’ll get dinner heated.”

 

Dean takes a long, hot shower, sore from being in the car for 10 hours, the hot water draining some of the tension from his muscles. He trudges downstairs in his pajamas and Benny’s Saints hoodie and gratefully accepts the beer Benny hands him.

“Go sit, I’ll bring it out.” Benny tells him gently, giving him a brief kiss and Dean heads to the couch on autopilot.

Benny brings him a bowl of shrimp and grits and settles down beside him.

“Thanks.” Dean says, leaning against him wearily.

“Of course. So how was it? Get it all done?”

“Yeah…some 200 odd centerpieces made, gift bags, seating charts, place cards…” Dean groans and takes a bite of his grits.

“That sounds like fun.” Benny says dryly as Dean laughs.

“I can’t believe people actually want to go through that. It’s a fucking nightmare.”

“Eh. Think of all the new skills you can add to your resume.” Benny teases as Dean grins and shakes his head.

“I hate to talk business, but, everything set on your end?”

“Sure is, darlin. Orders are in, I channeled my suddenly free evenings into making more sausage, I have perfected the vegan entrée as much as a vegan entrée can be perfected, I polled half a dozen people as to which gluten free pasta was best and ordered some of that…we’re good to go.” Benny tells him as Dean lets out a small sigh of relief.

“Glad to hear something’s running smoothly. I had to recreate their entire wedding playlist because the DJ lost it and Sam, despite all of his lists and charts and shit, didn’t make a copy. I will argue that mine is better though.”

“So how much Led Zeppelin is on it?” Benny asks as Dean smirks.

“Only a few songs. I was kind.”

 

They chat about their time apart while they finish dinner and Dean insists on helping clean up. He leans wearily against the sink as he scrubs the dishes, thankful that dinner had been leftovers from the café so there weren’t any pots and pans to accompany them. Benny kisses the back of his neck after coming back in from letting the dogs out and wiping down their paws and bellies. He nudges Dean over as he puts the last spoon in the drying wrack and washes his hands.

“Come on. Time for bed.”

“It’s not that late.” Dean protests feebly as Benny chuckles and shakes his head.

“And you look like you’re gonna fall asleep in the suds. Come on.” He says again, handing him the dish towel he’d just dried his hands on.

They trudge upstairs and Dean crawls into bed, into _his_ spot and hugs his pillow with a happy sigh.

He doesn’t even protest when all three dogs pile in after Benny settles down pressed up against his back.

“Glad to be back?” Benny asks, sounding a little hesitant until Dean nods and snuggles back into him.

“Yeah. Good to be home.” He says, as he feels Benny smile into the back of his neck.

“Missed you.” He mutters, draping his arm comfortably across Dean’s middle, laying his hand atop Nana’s head that’s tucked into Dean’s sternum.

“Missed you too.” Dean admits, cheeks red in the darkness of their bedroom.

 

  



	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 34.

The wedding is here before they know it. Dean’s been running at full steam since 3AM, kissing Benny goodbye over a cup of coffee before he leaves to load the car and start the insanity. After half a dozen pep talks to Sam, and another dozen more bumps in the road, Dean’s pretty sure his blood is at least 75 percent caffeine by the time he’s standing at the altar at Sam’s side. He punches Sam in the bicep when he senses him getting worked up again with everyone in place. Sam moves to swat him back, but the string quartet starts up again.

The heavy wooden doors open and Jess steps through the doorway, escorted by her Uncle Hank. Dean stares with the rest of them, the soft murmurs bubbling under the sharp clarity of the violins. He looks back to Sam and can’t help but laugh when he sees him gawking, his mouth actually hanging open in shock. He taps Sam again and he closes his mouth quickly, still fixed on Jess. And Dean can kind of maybe understand this wedding thing a little now, watching Sam stare at Jess with absolute adoration while she does her slow march up to the altar, looking absolutely stunning. Her blonde hair is curled gently and pinned back, making her look like a vintage movie star. Her dress is delicate and flowing, with soft lace accents and subtle beading.

Dean shifts next to Sam as Jess takes her place in front of Sam.

“Oh, don’t cry.” He hears Jess laugh as he looks over to see Sam all misty while she blinks away tears.

“You big baby.” Dean hisses fondly as Sam wipes at his eyes and glares.

The ceremony is a touching blur and Dean will deny to the ends of the earth that he’s not getting misty himself when they say their vows, it’s totally just all the flowers.

Everything after the kiss is a whirlwind of activity that leaves Dean’s cheeks sore from smiling so much. The last snow of the season, still fresh and pristine from the dusting the night before, makes for an elegant backdrop to all the photos. Dean’s snagging glasses of champagne from the servers when they finally get to cocktail hour to try and balance out the nervous buzz. When everyone finally settles, the DJ hands him the microphone and he freezes with all the eyes on him.

“Uh.” He clears his throat and tosses back the rest of his champagne before feeling around in the pockets of the suit jacket. “So. Sammy and Jess.” He gives up trying to find the speech he’d scrawled out on index cards. “Uh, so if you didn’t know, Sammy’s my little brother…well…not so little anymore.” Dean sighs in relief as the room chuckles quietly and a stealthy server sets a fresh glass of champagne in front of him. “My brother is the biggest…nicest…romantic…dork I’ve ever met. And Jess, you’re way out of his league, but I’m glad you settled for him because you’re awesome and I’m so glad that you’re joining the mess that is our family. So, the point of weddings is coming together, right? Uh, I didn’t really get that until I started helping plan this one. You two getting married has done more for this family than you can ever know…and it worked out pretty good for me too.” He laughs to himself and keeps his eyes trained down at the bubbles in his glass as he picks it up. “Sam, I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but I couldn’t be more proud of you and I’m so happy for everything your future holds. Jess, thank you so much for putting up with him and making him so happy. And thanks to our families and friends for being here to make this day amazing.” Dean fumbles as he raises his glass. “And I’m going to turn this over to someone who didn’t lose their notes. Allison?”

Laughter chimes through as Sam stands and drags Dean into a tight hug and everyone coos and awws.

Allison recovers and delivers a more eloquent speech, while John and Kate and some of Jess’ family share short toasts.

Jess ends up with the microphone and grins at Sam as they crowd together to share it.

“We’ll keep this light since everyone’s already heard the sappy vows. Thank you all so much for being here. We love all of you and can’t thank you enough for all your support. We weren’t entirely sure if this was the best time for this…” Sam says, trailing off as Jess laughs.

“But, then again, what better time than when all of our family and friends are in one place. So…” Jess turns and nods to the DJ who pauses the slideshow of their various couples photos on the projection screen and puts up a new image.

Sam and Jess are smooshed together in the photo, grinning happily as they hold up tiny little shoes, a banner reading “Coming Soon” placed on the bottom border, and everyone erupts into laughter and cheers.

“Oh thank god.” Dean sighs, leaning back as John and Kate stare at him in shocked delight.

“You knew!?” Kate asks as Dean nods. “Oh, John.” Kate smiles and lays a hand on her husband’s arm. “A baby.”

John smiles and touches her hand before getting up to congratulate Sam.

 

Dinner service starts and Dean hopes everything is going well for Benny. By the looks of the guests, the food seems to be a hit. Dean’s too distracted to really eat and has to leave the table for a bit and finds an overzealous server snatched up his picked at plate. He’s not too depressed about it since he can get Benny to cook him whatever he wants whenever he wants. After making the rounds again while dinner finishes up, he sneaks outside for some fresh air and a smoke and freezes in place, cigarette halfway to his lips when he spots Benny standing by the side door off the kitchens, his own cigarette pinched tightly between his fingers. What’s terrifying is that he’s standing there facing his father and Dean immediately gets clammy in the cold air.

Alarm bells are screaming in his head as he stands there frozen until John extends his hand to Benny and he watches them shake hands. John lifts his drink to Benny before turning and heading back towards the reception.

John stops briefly when he’s in front of Dean and nods approvingly before clapping him on the shoulder.

“Not bad, Dean.” He says, just sounding a bit awkward as Dean just stares, not quite sure what’s happening.

John disappears inside and Dean looks around quickly, trying to figure out if that just happened before hurrying down to the end of the patio.

Benny looks a little peaked, leaning against the decorative railing, in nothing but a black tank top despite the cold.

“Hey, cher.” He says, giving him a wobbly smile as Dean looks over his shoulder again before stepping up to him.

“What was that? What did he say to you?” Dean asks nervously as Benny chuckles and shakes his head.

“He wanted to meet me, said you’d keep putting it off. Said he liked the brisket.”

“That’s it?”

“And that he hopes to see me at breakfast tomorrow.”

Dean swallows hard and Benny shrugs.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready.” He says gently as Dean sighs and shakes his head.

“Fuck it.” He smiles and ducks his head shyly. “Wanna meet the family at breakfast tomorrow?”

Benny chuckles and reels him in. “I can arrange that. Gotta call Aaron and let him know he’s in charge of the kitchen.”

Dean laughs shakily as Benny kisses his cheek, keeping their fingers laced together.

“Nice speech, by the way.” Benny smirks, nuzzling his temple.

“Shut up.” Dean groans and buries his face in the crook of his neck.

Benny smiles into the side of his neck and places a little kiss above his collar.

Dean’s stomach takes the opportunity to growl loudly.

“You eat?”

“Tried to. Someone stole my food.” Dean huffs as Benny chuckles.

“Well that’s just ain’t right. Come on,” Benny looks at his watch and pats Dean’s waist gently. “By my calculations, we got 20 minutes until the first dance.”

Benny takes him to one of the back rooms reserved for event staff and sits him down at one of the tables. He returns a few minutes later with two plates piled high with leftovers and Dean’s glad for the relative quiet and being away from the mass of people.

 

Dean lets out a quiet sigh when he hears the DJ segue from the light classical music from the dinner service into something a little more lively. He wipes his mouth with his napkin and looks towards the door.

"Gotta run. They're gonna start the dance soon." He says as Benny nods and Dean leans in to kiss him since the room is mostly empty except for a few servers and the photographer's assistant.

"Have fun, darlin."

"Don't be afraid to escape the kitchen later and come find me."

He laughs and nods. "Alright. Hurry up and don't forget your tissues, don't want you to be unprepared for when you start bawlin'." He teases as Dean rolls his eyes with a smile.

 

Dean makes it through Jess' dance with her Uncle, and her and Sam's first dance, and some other wedding traditions he tunes out in favor of abusing the open bar.

Benny appears beside him after a while, dressed in his black chef's jacket that Dean knows is probably a spare since it's unstained.

"They make a mighty fine pair." Benny comments, watching Sam and Jess dance (though the term dance is used loosely).

"Yeah, they're kind of obnoxiously perfect." Dean says fondly as he puts his empty glass down on a nearby table and leans against the wall.

 

He stays close to Benny and subtly points out various relatives and friends until a good song comes on and Benny lets their hands brush.

"Dance with me." He asks as Dean laughs and leans into him.

"Not drunk enough for that." He answers as Benny laces their fingers together and hesitantly touches his waist.

“So?” Benny chuckles and leans in and Dean lets out a put-upon sigh as he sways slightly to the music.

Of course the photographer chooses this moment to set her sights on them and Dean ducks his head self-consciously, but finds himself fighting a smile as he catches sight of the lens. Benny laughs softly and just pulls him closer, smiling against his temple.

  
  


After a few songs and another refill from the bar, the DJ announces that it's time for the bouquet toss.

Jess stands in the center of the dance floor holding her bouquet, her dress pinned up and out of the way, her heels long since ditched for white lace flats. All the women crowd around her and Dean laughs at Sam hovering awkwardly behind her.

There's cheering and good natured taunting while Jess prepares, facing Sam with a grin. The DJ does a dramatic countdown and Jess turns swiftly at the count of one and lobs the bouquet at Dean with a devious grin.

Dean's caught off guard and the bouquet hits him square in the chest, while Benny saves it before it hits the ground.

Jess claps happily as a few wolf whistles sound out, while the ladies are torn between cheering and glaring. Charlie is ever so helpfully recording it all on her iPhone.

Dean blushes and scrunches his nose, irritated by the pollen bomb as he looks to Benny who shrugs and smiles.

Dean takes the bouquet and tosses it easily back to the crowd of ladies who scramble for it.

"Don't hold your breath." Dean says, trying to stop the smile from creeping across his lips as Benny nudges him and brushes their hands together.

"Got a long way to go, darlin, but I think it's gonna be a fun ride."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading. I hope you enjoyed.   
> There might be some outtakes for this verse in the future. There was a lot that just never managed to fit in.   
> Kudos, comments, etc. are greatly appreciated.   
> xo, topetine.


End file.
